Why Film Blowjobs are Funny...  

rm_OreoEyes 36M
11 posts
6/30/2006 7:45 am

Last Read:
7/1/2006 11:24 pm

Why Film Blowjobs are Funny...


Why Film Blowjobs are Funny

I was watching an erotic video last week and paying special attention to the oral talents of a very energetic young lady who went by the stage name Naudia Nice. (Gotta love those porn names.) She was doing a gonzo, "point-of-view" scene with the director/cameraman and when a scene starts with the girl on her hands and knees, you know it's going to be far from high art. This particular girl professed to liking, among other things, anal sex, ass-to-mouth, and swallowing cum. Now, the whole naughtiness of anal aside, the fact that the girl liked to suck cock is going to be a turn-on for most guys, a selling point for the video. To that point, she did an impressive job of sucking the cameraman's cock, looking very animated, and with very little sign language in her French lessons.

I was giggling the whole time. Not because I'm an immature kid who's never seen a blowjob before. So why? Because blowjobs in porn, no matter how seriously they take themselves, are funny. They're funny to me because they aren't very realistic. They serve as a placeholder, the dorky buddy who carries the show but never gets screen time, the sexual sidekick.

Should you have read this far, you may think that I am intending to hand down a wholesale indictment of porn, and I'm not. We all have our own reasons for making or watching it and very few of those reasons are condemnable. But when you watch a heterosexual sex video, you know that a predictable sequence of events is likely to occur:

1. Guy meets girl.
2. Guy kisses and gropes girl.
3. Guy and girl undress.
4. Guy goes down on girl with very little foreplay.
5. Girl comes, or is so turned-on that she absolutely has to suck the guy's cock.
6. Guy is so turned-on that he absolutely must fuck girl, in a variety of positions.
7. Girl sucks or otherwise stimulates guy's cock until he comes on her body or in her mouth.

In this case, Nadia gets what she wants in the end (double-entendre all too obvious there), but the blowjob is totally irrelevant. It is merely an interlude, a tease, to warm us up for the main event. There is no chance that the cameraman would stop and say, "You know what? I don't need to fuck you, your mouth feels that good. Keep licking."

The problem is not that the fucking occurs. The problem is not even that men love blowjobs dearly, but don't like to watch them unless they're the ones getting blown. When it's your cock, then your partner's fingers, her eyes looking up at you, her tongue on your shaft, well, that's the most beautiful thing in the world. But when the camera is focused on some other guy's cock, no matter how attractive it is, it's another cock, and there's less stimulative value in that than there is in a scene of a pussy getting fucked. The problem is that nowhere in this can we find any evidence that men can have reliable, secure orgasms from oral sex, or that their partners can deliver them, because the point is to get to the fucking.

I feel terrible if this is where teenagers are getting their opinions about oral sex, because it leaves out a whole dimension to the act. Everyone, gay, bi, or straight, male or female, has their own technique to giving head - some slurp, some clamp on your dick like a vise, and some bob their head like you're an apple poking out of the water. But the women (and men) who give the best blowjobs concentrate not on getting your dick ready for sex. To them, the blowjob IS sex, it IS pleasure, and they love doing it because they know we love receiving it. You can fake an orgasm, but not a blowjob. You're either into it or you're not. Good sex is about enjoying it for what it is, and fantasizing about what might happen, but feeling satisfied whether or not the game plays out any further.

In porn, there is no time or energy for that, but there is plenty of time for moves like tapping the male performer's dick on the girl's cheeks or chin. Now, I have met many women who have given me the great pleasure of going down on me, but I've never met one that would let me do THAT. Never met a single girl who thought that was a sexy thing to do, even in the heat of the moment.

The same issues creep up in girl-girl scenes too, and I think watching most cunnilingus scenes in everyday porn is amusing, too. But there are some really fantastic pussy-licking scenes, like in "Breathless" by Wicked Pictures. The introductory lesbian scene with Devinn Lane is probably the best romantic thing in porn I've watched in a long, long time. You owe it to yourself and your libido to watch it, preferably multiple times.

I welcome suggestions, as always. Agree? Disagree? Think I'm over-analyzing things? (Keep in mind that people have probably written doctoral dissertations comparing Luke Skywalker to Jesus.) Don't give a fuck? Have some really good blowjob scenes that can change my mind? Drop me a line.

rm_OreoEyes 36M
8 posts
7/1/2006 11:54 am

Well, dicks are definitely not magic. I can't say that I've ever been entranced by a pussy, either. But both can be beautiful.

I have been lucky to have some wonderful partners in my life that liked giving and receiving oral sex. They didn't mind sucking my dick and I didn't mind going down on them. There was a lot of trust in those relationships, but I figure there's probably a lot of trust in working relationships among adult actors and actresses, too.

In my opinion, trust and feeling comfortable with your partner to explore all the different pleasures in sex is what's magic.


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