What do I want...what do I need?  

rm_NaeniaSea 48F
273 posts
9/9/2006 11:30 pm

Last Read:
9/12/2006 9:22 pm

What do I want...what do I need?

It's been a long time since I've posted to my blog. I've tried blogging elsewhere, but have found my greatest comfort is here. So, I'm back...regardless of where it may lead.

I recently threw out my ex-husband who lived with me for a year and a half after divorce. We weren't intimate and were both seeing other people along the way but some things happened and what was once civil turned ugly. Well, ugly in the sense that we are now no longer friends.

I cared about him as a friend and maybe I still loved him even though I am the one who intiated the divorce. There's only so much one can do to send someone a wake-up call.

On the bright side, my temporary baggage (I won't focus on the ex for much longer, I do desire to get on with my life) makes me very wanton. I'm two extremes, a bit sad about how things turned out and yet, so very horny, I can barely contain myself. And masturbation is not going to cut it...on no, I want to be filled.

Aside from still having feelings for my ex, I've also been seriously involved with someone for quite some time now. Sometimes he is not always there for me when I need him. He is such an amazing person, I wonder what is wrong with me that it is not enough. But, there's something that just doesn't keep my satisfied. I can't put my finger on it, it's just that I am so often left feeling empty. What do I want...what do I need?

Sorceror07 56M

9/10/2006 1:34 am

welcome back and don't worry,... you'll figure it out

...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...

rm_NaeniaSea replies on 9/10/2006 3:39 pm:
Thanks for the encouragement, Sorceror07. I'm glad to see you are still around, still fighting the good fight.

ideafilter 38M

9/10/2006 2:08 pm

I think kicking your ex out was probably a good idea. But I'm confused about things with this new guy. You say he's amazing but leaving you unsatisfied. Any idea what it is in particular? It is not enough sex, or is the sex not good enough?


rm_NaeniaSea replies on 9/10/2006 3:36 pm:
Yes, ideafilter, it was a good idea and long overdue.

What's new is actually old. I've been seeing "W" for a year and a half now and I also happen to work for him. I wish my job was based on the fact that I'm getting it on with the boss, but those moments are too few and far between. We are often too busy to do much but work. The sex is good, but not nearly enough.

And now that I finally got my ex out of my house, I practically begged "W" to come see me Saturday night. I had been drinking too much and was kind of depressed. Sometimes a hug is all that a person needs and he wasn't there for me. I'm just not sure about it all. Does he want to be with me or not? And he's still married. He's been separated and living apart from his wife since early last year but says he has not filed for divorce yet because it costs money. It'll cost now or later...keep delaying and I'm not gonna be there much longer.

Life becomes more complicated than it ought to be. I like to be up-front about it all...some people might find my situation too odd to want to be involved in it.

PrincessKarma 45F
6188 posts
9/10/2006 8:28 pm

Welcome back! *HUG*

I think what you need is to enjoy your freedom you may be on the rebound, but as long as you don't hurt anyone while getting that out of your system, enjoy it.

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma

rm_NaeniaSea replies on 9/10/2006 10:59 pm:
Wise words, PrincessKarma, enjoying my freedom might be what I need to do. It is healthy for me to learn to be alone and not have a man around all the time. I am capable of taking care of myself. I just want to have fun and maybe avoid anything too serious, too quickly. I have no intention of hurting anyone but sometimes it happens anyway. All I can do is be honest with those involved with me.

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