HeartBreak!  

rm_N2Reds 57M
39 posts
4/29/2006 11:15 pm

Last Read:
6/24/2006 8:03 am

HeartBreak!


I am crushed. I just booted Ms. IRISH from the opportunity to be Ms. FIRST. I've asked her not to contact me further.

I am heartbroken, because I really liked her. I know she likes me too, but is concerned about my marital status. She doesn't want to be the "transitional" woman...

I understand clearly that this is a possibility (FILAYOR!), but there is risk in love. There is never any gain if you are not willing to risk the pain.

Why do we question ourselves so intently the closer we get to happiness. It's like we don't really want it, so we force something to happen to end the possibilities altogether. It's absurd!

What is there to gain by reminding me where I am in my relationship with Ms. X2B! It's really not anyone's problem but mine. I really think the issue is that her inability to trust and to make a commitment is stronger than her will for love and happiness.

Instead of letting our relationship develop slowly and naturally, Ms. IRISH is always on full court press. She needs to have the answer before she asks the question. She has never married and is in her early forties. I hope for her sake she is able to let go and find someone to let in.

I've written about our relationship in previous posts (please check those out if you care to).

Suffice it to say, Ms. IRISH is pressing me for something I can't offer, and she doesn't recognize that it is really her issue to manage and not mine. In order to protect herself, she results to emotional manipulation to maintain distance and control.

I just left a relationship like that and will not go there again...

I sent her an email expressing how I feel, how much I sincerely like her, and how I wished our timing was different. I asked her not to contact me further. I didn't say any more than that.

We will see. Maybe she will try to follow up, maybe not. I can't afford to care either way. I only have so much emotional energy, and I can't waste it on someone too immature to recognize the requirements for a truly symbiotic relationship.

Ms. IRISH's chance of being Ms. FIRST...0%!

rm_N2Reds 57M
17 posts
4/30/2006 12:29 pm

Well, that didn't last long! Ms. IRISH emailed me first thing this morning asking to talk it out. She explained her need to wait for me to be unmarried before being with me. That's a standard she isn't willing to compromise.

I understand that; however, I have no intensity meter. I am all in emotionally or all out. I know that to continue with her would only lead to a cat and mouse game.

I tried to end it again...

She continued to harass me until I talked to her by phone where she convinced me to stay with her and honor her boundries. Then, she wanted to have cam sex!!! WHAT? Maybe my initial thoughts about her were right, biotch!

I resisted about an hour while we ironed out the acceptable parameters of our relationship. She wants the heat, but not the kitchen, until the chef cuts the apron strings.

In fact, she doesn't want to meet face-to-face until I am divorced, even as friends.

Now, of course, I suspect there is more to it. She probably doesn't look a thing like her photo. She might weigh 300 pounds, and she may not be a SHE at ALL!! But, hey, life is full of surprises, so I agreed to her terms.

Then, we had the most amazing phone sex I've ever imagined. I think that alone could be enough for me. We have an honest and deep emotional connection while being intimate. I have to trust that, no matter what she may be like in real life.

If we ever do get together, it might actuall KILL me! Yes, it was that good, and I couldn't even touch her. She is very HOT, and very creative! I'm already hooked, and I don't think I can part with her again.

We will have to see what happens. Fairy tales may not be real, but our desire to live them is. If it is so important to her for me to wait, I will. To do otherwise only compromises my opportunity to find true love and happiness. Remember, FILAYOR! (fall in love at your own risk!)

The door is back open...


rm_N2Reds 57M
17 posts
5/2/2006 8:33 pm

I am beginning to understand that I have been very wrong about Ms. IRISH. She just may be ALL that. It is me who may be short-sighted and narrow minded in the ways of love.

After leaving Ms. X2B, I figured I could go in two directions: One, I could run out and fuck whoever I wanted and prove to myself that I am a real man, worthy of love or atleast great sex. Or, two, I could just chill out, see what's out there, and find my way.

Of course, if you have read my blog, you will know I chose the second path, at least as far as the "SEX" part goes. I chose to wait for someone special to help me through this transition emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Then, with Ms. FIRST, it became a game...

Now, I deeply care for at least a handful of women I've met. I can't believe it? I never expected this. There were only two possibilities, remember? Fuck and leave 'em, or LEAVE them alone and just chill.

Enter a third possibility...I might actually have the capacity to fall in LOVE. Lord, help me if this is what they call rebound. I can see how one could get into it, but I fail to understand at this point, why that's a bad idea???

Oh, well...FILAYOR!


rm_N2Reds 57M
17 posts
5/12/2006 2:18 pm

Clearly, my life has been an emotional roller coaster since meeting Ms. IRISH. I hope this is the last time I have to post information about her, but I have a bad feeling it will not be. At least, at this point, not IMs today! Hurray!


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