Classifying Our Swing Encounters  

rm_MishRish 50M/48F
22 posts
3/15/2006 3:18 pm

Last Read:
3/31/2006 12:45 am

Classifying Our Swing Encounters

My wife and I have talked a lot about our goals when we first delved into swinging. We thought about a number of things, the most important of which is the type of couple or singles we would like to meet.

And in our late-night discussions -- almost always after a good rompin', mind you -- we sit in bed whilst talking about our fantasies. Last week, during one of those conversations, we started talking about fantasies we had, and fantasies we would like to turn into reality with the help of another couple.

Now that we're meeting many people locally, primarily through AdultFriendFinder, we have come to the conclusion that some people:

* Are hot (and others are not);
* Have only one spouse we hit it off with;
* Are great as, or are just looking for, friendship with another couple;
* Are looking for just a good time (sex, of course, but casual sex only);
* Want "friends with benefits" (regular meetings with another couple);
* Are looking for more than just sex (e.g., friendship, companionship, etc);
* Are open to fantasies and willing to play;
* Are both bi-curious or bisexual, and totally uninhibited.

When I say "play," I mean playing with other couples to live out our fantasies, including role-playing, playing games, dancing during a night on the town, wearing kinky lingerie, attending swinging clubs and playing with sex toys during our encounters, all the way to -- and most importantly -- having uninhibited, promiscuous, carefree sex.

This is sex where both partners are completely open and uninhibited. No hidden agendas. No fears. No repressed feelings. No jealousy. No limits (other than pain and degradation, which we are not into!). And open to complete pleasure, where we all let go and let our desires and passions take over, without being afraid what the other will do or say.

For this to happen, the other couple must be candid, into fantasies and uninhibited with themselves, too. That includes where the partners are playing with themselves (er, no pun intended of course), role play with each other already, and perhaps are even both bi-curious or bisexual.

They are willing to try new things without any hidden agendas, or fears that someone might do something unexpected or feel uneasy or even angry when on suddenly trespasses into -- gawd forbid -- "sacred territory."

You know what I mean. Right?

If, for example, I want to touch the other man as much as I love to touch the woman during our sexplay, I won't get scolded, or worse yet, mocked, where the man stops me, pushes me away or freaks out -- or even stops the entire session and leaves with his wife in a huff (we heard of this happening with other couples we've met).

It would be a situation in which the others are "in the moment" with us, completely letting go, where sexual orientation is muddied by the lustful pleasures and passions of the moment, without any worries, fears or anxiety.

Sure, there are boundaries, and respect is an important and vital element to any swinging situation. (We expect it as much as we give it.) Some couples are bi-curious, but most are not -- although, women bisexuals (or ones who are at least curious about it) seem to be not only more acceptable but also a common reason for many couples to start swinging.

I respect that. And believe me, fucking another beautiful woman -- and especially seeing my wife being serviced, or servicing, another woman -- is a massive turn-on in itself. (That includes other men doing her, too. Yes, I am a voyeur. But some people call this "compersion," where one takes pleasure in seeing the other being pleased.)

But there's another "level," if you will. For instance, one of my wife's most erotic turn-ons is when I kiss her after cumming into her mouth. Why? Because she loves it when I'm uninhibited. (Like me, she has had a former spouse who found anything risqué deplorable and even disgusting.)

So her ultimate fantasy is to see her man pleasing -- or being pleased by -- another man. (We also heard that this is a very common fantasy for women. Don't you agree?) Call it compersion or not, I love to fulfill her fantasy, not just for her sake but for mine, too. We have similar tastes in men.

But this is just one of many fantasies I have. For example, I told her the other night that some of my own secret fantasies is to be able to role play with another couple. She and I role play all the time. But the best one, for me, would be where we mix couples -- and meet for the "first time" in some bar or restaurant. And there's a specific reason for this.

Here's the scenario.

I am with the woman from the other couple. We are playing the role of an already established couple. (And my wife plays the role of being the other man's wife, too.) We meet for the first time in a restaurant somewhere. We "get into character," playing as if we've never met before. But this is where the heat starts to rise...

I hit on my actual wife, and my "spouse" hits on her husband. Remember, for the time being, we are not married to each other. Why is this so erotic? Because, like most other fantasies, it is forbidden. It's the erotic sensation of being able to not only seduce the other woman (your own wife), but in a situation where you -- and her -- are already involved in a relationship. It's like having an affair (or attempting to create one) with your own wife!

I dream about the things I would say to tantalize her. I'd throw the occasional lustful glance. I'd be checking her out from tip to toe, analyzing her body language and charming her in an attempt to titillate her every sense and causing her to become so horny, she squirms and moans in an almost excruciating pain. She becomes so aroused that her dripping wet pussy -- or mouth -- wants to engulf my penis right then and there under the table at the restaurant!

BUT, the thrill of this fantasy is that we are already "taken" and need to be, well, discreet as to not risk of being caught. Just like having sex in a near-public place, the excitement of potentially being caught is what makes this fantasy so wild -- and hot!

This is one of my many fantasies. But here's the kicker...

Not every couple would be prepared, able or willing to do such things. Not every couple wants to go beyond simple, unadulterated fucking. Not every couple wants to role play and live out their fantasies with another couple. Not every couple wants to befriend other couples, because they don't want to "mix" socially -- perhaps for fear that it might be "too close for comfort" for them, or that it would lead to affairs or some other fucked up reason.

(By the way, remember that a couple who's not solid and secure in their relationship beforehand is going to always be insecure, anxious and apprehensive, let alone restrained. We would do them a disservice if we continue anything and go farther with such a couple.)

OK, back to my story. While she and I were talking about our fantasies and discussing the kinds of couples we would meet -- and would love to meet -- we come up with a "scale system" to quickly evaluate people we meet. I'll come back to the reasons in a moment. Here's our list of categories in which we rate couples:

Level 1: Friends

Friends are people who turn out to be great people, fun to be with, and perhaps open to the occasional date here and there. (No sex, though. Just movies, dinner, whatever.) Yes, there's a certain connection. But no bond. No chemistry. (Or not enough of it.) It's not that we don't like the other couple, but the lack of enough chemistry to take it to another level just isn't there.

Granted, couples with whom with don't connect at all whatsoever, or where one person in that couple seems to have the kind of personality and chemistry we look for while the other doesn't, can pretty much fit into category "0" (that is, zero). There's nothing there and won't ever be. No sparks, no friendship, no zing and certainly no sex. And we don't even think twice about taking it further than that first encounter.

Level 2: Partners

This is a couple who does "click" with us. There's chemistry, and enough of it to take it to a sexual encounter. We hit it off beautifully and have a lot in common. We know that there's more than just friendship there, and we are open to a few hot nights with them.

But for one reason or another, there are limits. These people may be perfect for the occasional, casual romp. We may have an amazing, hot time with them, too. But they're not swingers per se. They may be lifestyle swingers on their own, but they're not the types of people we will frequently meet with.

My wife and I discovered, in our initial search, that there are various forms and levels to the swinging lifestyle. I don't mean the many levels of swinging such as soft swap, hard swap, oral, anal, etc. I mean from people who swing regularly (such as people who go to swinging clubs frequently), to those who are simply hobby swingers. They do it only when it tickles their fancy.

The latter is the one I'm talking about. We get together with them for simple, casual sex. Of course, they're certainly friends -- such as level one. But they go a step further. We have sex with them.

They are couples who we may only have the occasional roll in the hay with, but nothing earth-shattering one could shake a stick at. (Ahem, again no pun intended.) So, nothing fancy. No fantasies or role play. Nothing bisexual. Nothing risqué. (Although there might be woman-on-woman action, which is common with swinging couples, but only when it tickles our fancy -- and that's the whole point.)

While level one are "friends only," call level two "fuck friends," if you will. But level three is where things are turned up a notch (or two).

Level 3: Swingers

In our search for couples, this is the level we strive for the most (because level four is a rare level indeed, and I'll come back to that shortly). They are friends, sexual partners and more than merely "occasional." They are great to be with, with great chemistry and a connection that's above and beyond the first two levels.

We have regular encounters with them, as well as dates, movies, games and even mild sex games. From playing with toys and adult games (like strip poker, board games, sexy lingerie, etc), to attending swinging clubs. This is the kind of couple we want as friends as well as lovers.

But there are limits here, too. Whether the couple is not bisexual or bi-curious at all (or where the woman is bi-curious only), a level-three couple will have certain restrictions, which are absolutely understandable and normal. We don't want to impose on them, nor they on us. We are very respectful of their needs and desires, but know that certain things are better left avoided -- or unsaid.

Of course, we can be open with them, be ourselves with them and share some of our fantasies with them. But there will always be a ceiling -- a "gray area," if you will -- that cannot be surpassed. However, we do have incredible sex with them, and perhaps have some of the most thrilling and hottest times with these types of couples.

Whether we meet regularly or not is not the issue. But when we do meet, we know what the other wants, we know how to please the other and we know how to have fun. Sure we can play with them. But look at it as a game of, say, "Go Fish!" or "Checkers." The next level, however, is where the real fun begins. "Sudoku on steroids," if you will.

Level 4: Playmates

The doors come crashing open at this level!

No limits. No restrictions. No inhibitions. This is the kind of couple we would love to meet and befriend, if we were ever lucky to. They are the kinds of people who understand that sex is not just about fornication. It's about playing. It's about foreplay and adventure. It's about fantasies and eroticism. It's about promiscuity in every sense of the word. And above all...

... I's about letting go completely and unequivocally.

We can play with this couple, have sex with, play games with and be completely open and ourselves with, too. Both are bi-curious or bisexual, and have no repressed feelings or thoughts about any given situation. I don't mean couples who are into BDSM or pain (we definitely aren't), but couples who love to role play, live out fantasies, even "dress up the part," and completely let go and be "in the moment."

From wild, hot, soaking, sweaty, "fuck-me-now" sex, to flirtatious, sensual, passionate, tease-filled, erotic lovemaking. From what I gather after our many discussions, including her reaction to my reading her a sexy story in which a man was being fucked by his wife's strap-on dildo, Jane would love her fantasy about a full-on MMF situation to come true. That would be the highlight of her sex life!

But for this to happen, there must be complete openness and absolute trust in the other couple, within the other couple and with each individual, too. Everyone knows and understands what everyone wants, and everyone treats each person with dignity, compassion and respect. That's critical. It goes without saying.

But that said, however, we hold nothing back when it comes to talking about what makes us tick -- and are not afraid to put it into practice. Whether we touch, caress and fondle each other (men or women), or whether we have fabulous sex together with no restrictions or assumptions about areas we must avoid, the other couple is completely open and willing to simply... let... it... all... go.

(Yup, thems' rare gems indeed.)

Why are "levels" important? For several reasons.

1. First, we can quickly rate a couple immediately after a first meeting. This gives us an immediate understanding of what the other feels about the couple, without going into long explanations. (Like many couples I'm sure, we tend to leave a first meeting immediately talking about how we liked the other couple, what we didn't like, or whether there's potential there or not.)

Sometimes, we can "click" with another couple for one reason or another. But trying to explain it in words can be a bit of a challenge. And we certainly can't read minds. So giving a couple a "score," so to speak, we can immediately tell where the couple stands in our search, and where they could be if anywhere.

Do we want to take it further? Do we want to meet them again, perhaps in different setting? (For example, some couples opt for a coffee, others for drinks or dinner, others opt to meet us at the local Meet and Greets we frequent. They may start off with coffees or even drinks, but would like a "second date" with us, perhaps have dinner or meet in another neutral location before they -- or we -- decide.)

2. Second, first impressions are important. But first encounters are never comprehensive. What I mean is, we always want to meet couples first just to see if there's any chemistry. We need to feel good about the couple, and with the couple, before we take it any further. Although our AdultFriendFinder profile does indicate everything about us and everything we look for in a couple, some couples tell us what they are looking for -- which may or may not be the same.

But most couples, I believe, are like us. You see, we are always conservative in what and how we say things, especially during that first encounter, to make sure we don't throw the other couple off because of something we said.

If there's chemistry, many couples are open the very first time and we know exactly what kind of people they are right off the bat. But sometimes, the chemistry is somewhat muted because some couples are nervous and need more than a first encounter to dive into unchartered territories.

Therefore, some couples may seem to be in one category at first, but they may turn out -- or evolve to -- a whole new one in the future. So by having "categories" by which we rate couples, we can easily tell where there's potential (or potential for change). A first encounter might lead to a level two, which can eventually lead to a level three or even four once the couple feels more relaxed and accustomed to us.

3. Third, we have the opportunity to talk about these categories (in an indirect way) with the couples we meet. This is not just to see if there is any potential, but it's also a great icebreaker -- and can even open the other couple more if they're whitholding for some of the same, nervous reasons we do during a first-time encounter.

For example, one couple we met never went past the first meeting. Nothing clicked. There was no chemistry whatsoever. And the conversation -- the entire discussion, in fact -- did not have one single word that included (or implied) anything sexual in any way. Very conservative. Very muted. Very humdrum.

But another couple, on the other hand, were fun and completely open with us. They were bubbly and full of life. They were great conversationalists and even spoke about some of their fantasies before we did.

So knowing that they are starting to open up with us but might be holding back a bit, we introduced our categories into the conversation (not directly, of course, for fear other couples would feel we are judging them, but you get the drift), and that opened the floodgates.


firestarter665 44M/40F

3/15/2006 5:20 pm

Let me be the first to welcome you to blogland. You made a great first post and after reading it I took a look at your profile. It is good to know that most of what you said in your post is in a short and sweet version on your profile. I hope that you find what you are looking for and look forward to many more posts from you both.

Take Care.

rm_wetkitty1963 55F

3/16/2006 6:58 am

Chatterboxes -- well I should have put myself as "in a meeting" before I started reading your mini-novel. LOL. Very well done I might add. I think you need to do little handouts when you go to M&G's. It would be alot easier than going through this with every couple. Just's nice to know that some people know exactly what they are looking for.

Good luck. I know will enjoy reading your blogs.

Kitty xxx

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