Just me.  

rm_MamCsDawne 47F
290 posts
4/25/2006 1:30 am

Last Read:
4/26/2006 5:03 am

Just me.

Well, as requested by a lovely Lady, A day in the life of me.
Life is always unpredictable. I wake up every day with a good outlook on life, try to put myself all together for the public to see. But lets back up some.. and start somewhere after Master Ks death. It is easier for me to put it in perspective this way.
After Master Ks death, I had to learn a new way, pull all of my knowledge and set it aside. I was no longer owned, no longer made to be what i wasnt. My mother moved away to another town, and I had to leave all of my friends behind. And i have to be honest, that was a very hard thing for me to do. Because he died in the end of August, and school started the begaining of September. I started school as usual. When mom left, she had to leave us behind for a while so she could find her way. My younger brother went to live with my Aunt for the remainder of the school year, and I went to live with my real dad. Unlike Master K, he never envaded my space, never made me do the sexual things that I had grown so accustomed to. So it was so different to me to actually have a say in my own sexual life. No one to tell me what i wanted to do, or no cries from my mother for me not complying with what i was told to do.
It was a long school year, needless to say. I felt very lost, and very out of control. My Dad is a firm handed man as well, but he did allow us enuff rope to hang ourselves. It seemed to me that all I ever got done at his house was dishes, laundry and my homework. Other than that not much time to myself. When the school year ended, I got news that mom had found a place for us to live. I was so excited. I was going to go halfway across the state to another town. I remember thinking of how far it was, and how much I missed my mom.
July 4th weekend mom come to get us, and take me and my brother to our new home. It was just a lil trailor on the south side of that town. two bedroom. One room for me and my brother.. one for mom and her.. umm boyfriend?.. i wasnt sure of their relationship but i knew i had seen him before. He was a kind man, very jolly, and kinda reminded me of what santa might be like only his hair and beard were dark in color. Amazing what a kid can remember when the years have past.
That following year I was enrolled in school in that huge town.. and the school was much bigger than where i had come from. So many kids, and I knew only one of them. The girl that lived in the nice house next to us. Thru the first part of the school year me and Kelly were friends... then it turned out that i really didnt like her. We had nothing in common.. and she was so naive. Sadly we stopped talking and then when we would see eachother in the yard we would turn the other way. She didnt understand me, anymore than I understood her. When Christmas come and went, mom decided to move us to yet another school, Yay.. i got to meet more ppl.. And we were living with Santa (good name for him. he was a kind man) later in the school year we had to move again. Lovely.. yet another school all in one year. I never quite felt like i fit in any of the schools. And at this time Mom was in charge of a Nursing home. I felt more at home with the old folks than i did with kids my own age.. weird, never understood that. But it was me.
blah blah blah .. life went on.. at the house on Avery street i fell in love with a boy that lived two streets down.. Michael.. oh how did i love that boy.. And I think i rocked his virginity right away from him.. oopsie. But i didnt hear him complain, and he sure as hell didnt resist. I pointed down at my.. ummm u know.. and said there it is.. take it. And he did as i told him. I loved it. He wasnt the first that i had been with in that town.. but he was the one i fell in Love with.. He might of even been my first True love.
Wasnt long till our encounters become frequent and less cautious. One day i was babysittin my brother while mom was out with a guy.. Well mom come home and to her surprize my brother (the crazy kid) had been into the vodka, and was sittin on couch with bottle in hand, and a cig in the other hand. What a thing for mom to walk in and see.. Lil did she know.. umm that was the bribe.. ha ha ha.. in the next room, my bedroom to be exact, she walked in just before we finished.. oh dear.. I was busted big time.. and mom now knew the nature of Michaels and my relationship. She grounded me forever, and i wasnt allowed to see Michael forever it seemed. But she couldnt stop me from meeting him at school.
Im not really sure of the details as to how Michael and i come to seperate, maybe it was that he moved away, or maybe another girl.. but i know in later years we were back in contact, but that is a diff story.
I went thru 10th and 11th grade, then Mom finally moved in with the one guy she had been dating.. not santa but a tall thin man. Ron was a strange sort to me anyways, still expecting any man that mom was to be with, to want me too. Maybe I just was too big for my britches. lol. He seemed to be a wealthy man, always had money to burn. He bought mom a brand new car. And spoiled her rotten. She at this point had everything she ever wanted. But yet, she wasnt a happy woman, she cried sometimes never really knew why. Depression is what I think now and im prob not far from correct. Well I had been visiting my sister in the summers spending time with her and her husband. We laughed so hard and I felt so free. Yet things never were like before, and i knew they never would be.
I got pregant, then got married and moved out. Never finishing school, but gettin a GED. My first Husband was a Pretty boy type. Always had to have his clothes perfect, and yet he was a slob at home. After the first year of marriage, I gave up on pleasing him on domestic things. It just wasnt me. I tried to be the good stay at home mom and wife, but it wasnt working really well. He would yell at me, tell me how much he did and how lil i did. But he wasnt taking care of a screaming child and he had no patients at all. (forgive spelling errors if there are any) I had grown up thinking sex was everything but i sure wasnt gettin it enuff for me.. I was so insecure. Then come my second child. Lots happened that i choose not to tell. Then my third child and by this time I was working. I had went to Beauty School and graduated. Was working in a local Beauty salon. To others it must of seemed that I had my shit together, but inside my heart was screamin out.. "love me, love me" like the song.. "If you dont wanna love me, I'll find someone else who will" Lil did i know, he already had found someone whom he seen from time to time. So what is good for the goose is good for the gander..I did what i had to do. Lots of other water under the bridge.. Well then the news come.. Mom was dying. Cancer, such an alful disease. I would work my 12 hour shifts at the salon. 9am till 9pm. then i would go home kiss my kids goodnight, and go to sit with mom. I tried to be there with mom as much as i could, but with my kids and a husband, that was very hard for me to do.
Lots in this area that i do not choose to rehash. 4 deaths in family in less than a year and half. unbelievable. but true.
Anyways several years later in a town further north, I met Dave. wow. What a man. He walked in that bar and my eyes were just like glued to him. He wasnt a pretty boy, just the opposite, but very handsome. He was a country boy, bluejeans, cowboy hat.. and im a sucker for a country boy. Well that night my heart found him and he found my heart. No sex involved.
This man has taken every doubt I had about me, and made them go away. He tells me that im Beautiful, which still is so hard to believe, And he tells me that it is ok for me to be me. (although for a long time i wasnt sure who i was, or what i was) I didnt take the hardcore path that my sister took, my path was different but just as crazy on the heart and soul. I did turn to drugs for a lil while, before my daughter. just smoked some pot, and maybe drank a lil to much and popped a pill from time to time to help take off the edge. But that was a long time ago. My daughter was what changed that for me.
I think im well adjusted now. I could be wrong. I am happy. I live with a very wonderful man whom Treats me like a Queen. No lie.. he is wonderful. I might get angry with him sometimes, and he with me, but he is my Mr Wonderful Sir. We are Dominate couple. But when all is said and done, I am his. He definately rules the roost. I get up on most days get ready and go to work. Then come home and see what my sis has done for the day. Usually she has something hot prepared for supper, btw.. she is a fantastic cook. And usually she has kicked my children into check and made them do their chores. Right now, we lean on eachother.. mostly her on me.. but shhh i didnt say that. Because for so long she was gone, I had to fend for myself, and no one to lean on. Im glad that she is here now. She is an excellent cook.. did i mention that. And a great housekeeper. Ok im gettin tired.. if there is anything i forgot, i will add it later in different blog. lol.. too tired now to go on. so i guess this is the end of this blog.
-The End

bigandtallreturn 38M

4/25/2006 6:45 am

Great story.

Both you and Chelle are imaginative writers (and bold, for sharing your past). The good work will continue, I'm sure.

"Today may be the first day of the rest of your life, unless you live on the other side of the International Date Line, then yesterday was the first day of the rest of your life."- Larry Andersen

rm_MamCsDawne 47F
218 posts
4/25/2006 9:46 am

Thanks for your compliment. My Stories are very real. Hope you continue to like them.

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