Confession 2- Sexuality- Unanswered Questions?  

rm_Luv2RimUAlot 40M
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12/6/2005 10:26 pm

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3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Confession 2- Sexuality- Unanswered Questions?

Sexuality fascinates me-only because you have to go on sites like this or with close friends to actually talk about it honestly and openly. Even then- behind a veiled computer screen and with people you should be able to share anything with- people refrain, hide, twist and reality bend their own honest to goodness urges, feelings, truths, lies, etc.

I know, I know there is a lot more to it than that- religious beliefs, comfort level, fear of rejection, blah blah blah blah...I don't count myself above it obviously- otherwise I would show my face... Although I do to most people who ask and I want to share I am left with a list (granted this is only the tip of the iceberg and my soapbox questions for tonight) of questions that perplex me, leave me up at night wondering.....

1) Why are some gay men attracted to effeminate men and some gay women attracted to masculines ladies? Being bi- I find beauty and physical attraction in both sexes. When I am with a man I want him to be masculine- manly- exhibiting the things I like in men. When I am with a woman I want to feel the softness, the feminity of her presence.

Don't get me wrong- everyone is attracted to someone and I am the last to judge or have anything against another's choice- but why? Help me to understand? The best that I can come up with is that they are attracted to the characteristics of woman but the physical attributes of a man and vice versa.

And I know...I know I am making some stereotypes- but c'mon-stereotypes came into play for a reason...because there is truth behind them. I think we can all agree that there are universal truths that exist in predominatly male characteristics and predominatly female ones that we all recognize and are attracted to (which has nothing to do with personality or what a gender can or should not do in their lives or anything about placing roles- so let's not go down that road). We are talking purely predominat characteristics.

So seriously....curious here..not sure i understand the attraction.

2) Being bi- I often get lumped in a gay category- because some people do not believe in true bi-sexuals (see number three). Due to this it aggravates to me to no end the every day need of many in the gay male population that feel the need to shout it, be proud, have the parades, hang our rainbows- CONGRATULATIONS!!! You are gay! Here's a cookie. Or their crazy need to feel that everyone needs to be outed to be set free.

Being Gay or Bi is not the most important part of my life. I have never felt the need to put on a pride flag and make sure people hear me. In fact I would say who I choose to sleep with - is one of the smallest parts of who I am. I would hope this is true for the majority of us. I do not need to go to gay/bi support meetings, I do not need to feel to defend everything gay, display rainbows and bash Bush to be accepted.

What pisses me off more is that they play into the media. So that movies, tv shows, ads, the news all portray this so called majority. The flamboyant ones, the in your face ones, the effeminates one, the drag queens and the erotic dancers. They always show off the promiscuity, the drugs, the shallowness, the fag hags.

And the public eats it up. In some way it makes them feel more comfortable with it I think. If they can laugh at it with "Will and Grace" and feel like they play a purpose with our fashion like "Queer Eye for a Straight Guy". What about the silent minority? Which I actually feel is more of the majority than we know....the gay/bi men who are fathers, who are masculine, who are the blue collar workers, the cowboys, the football jocks, the guys at sports bars and pubs. The ones who are well balanced- adjusted and out only among their close friends and family. Not always because they are ashamed- because they made a choice- this is not all of who I am- or this is not so important ot hurt other area of my life.

I'm glad that movie like Brokenback Mountain is coming out. I think it will be good to see a man/man relationship that is not your stereotype. Only problem is getting people to go and see it who are not in the bi/gay community. All I am saying is let the minority be heard. Not every guy who likes men is "queer".

3) Bi- Sexuality- I recently watched Kinsey. Maybe this is why I have this soap box tonight and I found it interesting that in all his sexual research- still one of the most outstanding- he and his researchers found that when reveiwing a persons sexual history/desires/fantasies/arousal triggers etc.--there were very few "straight" people as we would define it and very few "gay" people. The truth is on a scale from 1 to 6- 1 being straight and 6 being gay- most of us fall somewhere in the middle a huge lump in the 3 and 4 range. So how odd is it that people think- bi-sexuality is either a straight or gay person in denial.

Honestly- i think it is one of the most common and natural things to see and appreciate the beauty in both sexes. But sex is different than love and staying in a relationship---or having emotions and bringing in romance --etc. I think here is where the key comes in--what do we feel most comfortable with on an emotional level. who can we see ourselves ending up with? What do we feel most secure with? Then I think it is easier for people to pick one end of the spectrum or the other.

The truth is many of us don't explore the sexual aspect because we believe it to be wrong- either morally or socially- or we fear it and what it says about us or fear the conotationit might place on us. So many deny it ever existed- pretend it's all b/s- or try to overcompensate. Ironically- many gaybashers and the most passionate of relgious individuals are often behind the most awful hate crimes or molestations- in an effort to overcompensate or hide their feelings.

Just some things to think on.

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