What title should I use? My confession? Too blase  

rm_LoyalCumpany 47M
2036 posts
4/22/2006 6:45 pm

Last Read:
5/9/2006 3:13 pm

What title should I use? My confession? Too blase

I guess I don't need a catchy title for this one. This is a long post, so bear with me.

I had something happen to me that no man should have to go through. I have dropped little hints about it in previous posts. Some of you might have noticed, I have some ill feelings towards my ex girlfriend. Let me explain why, but first...

I don't have baggage. I'm not asking for pity. I've dealt with it with my own twisted humor and have moved on. But I think this is an interesting story, and it makes me wonder how many other guys this has happened to. It's not what I would call a commonly discussed thing, so it's not like there's a bunch of support groups out there.

I was going to marry my ex. We had already picked out a ring, I just hand't told her when I would ask (was going to do it on our 2nd anniversary). We had been going out for a year and a half after meeting at work. She had a beautiful child from her previous marriage, I loved the kid (he is named after a character in Friends. You'll see the relevance furhter on in this post) and we were generally happy. As I look back, though, I see the warning signs and should have bailed as soon as these things happened (We all have that hindsight, and learn from it... usually... right?).

First, she started the relationship on a lie. Our very first date, she had told me she and her husband had broken up and she was living at her father's house. 2 weeks later, she tells me what I think might be the truth. She actually moved out right after meeting me. I forgive her, she's telling me how unfathful her husband was and how unhappy she was. I'm already being a sucker.

The sex was another warning. I am not bragging, but I have trained myself to last a long time. I want my partner to enjoy it, and I do a damned good job at it. Thus, my success with the 2 dancers I dated. I may not be the most physically attractive, but I have stamina, imagination, and agility. My ex couldn't stay wet long enough and she would get annoyed that I lasted longer than she could (WTF.. what was I thinking, wanting to last longer than 5 minutes).

Next comes the jealousy. I worked (and still do) in a profession with a lot of females as coworkers. Some were attractive and single. I had to talk with them as part of my position. I was on the fast track to management level, and was interacting with all employees, regardless of gender. But she would get so upset that I would speak to some of these single women. "What were you saying to her?" "Did you have to smile?". I am a one woman guy (I kinda tried more when I was younger. God, never again. Too much of a hassle). I don't fuck around when I've made a commitment, so these comments from her begin to drive me away. I tried breaking up with her, but she bawled and cried and begged. Even said she was talking to a counsellor. I heartily encouraged that and decided not to end things. Even though I knew, in my heart, when someone is constantly accusing you of cheating, they're actually the ones thinking about it.

The jealousy got worse, and I started drinking. A lot. I would go out after work to a bar right down the street and stay there until closing time. I got so bad I even allowed my buddy's wife (who also worked with us) to hang out there with me. Nothing sexual, let me assure you, but it still wasn't right. I was enabling us both. But I needed a friend, and she was there.

This went on for about a year. I was drinking so much I dropped out of school and just worked, and drank. I had tried to break things off a few times, but she always begged me to take her back. I am loyal to a fault, so I always let it go.

For her birthday, I brought her and all of our friends to TGIFridays and a bowlng alley afterwards. I paid for everyone, because I wanted her to have a good time. She ended up completely flirting with a guy friend of ours (doing the whole touching his arm, batting her eyes, all that crap). I lost it and almost beat the shit out of him. I am not a jealous guy, and have never out and out gotten violent with anyone before. I just thought it was bullshit he was letting her do that, in front of me. And of course, I was drunk.

My brother got married the next month, and I was the best man. She wouldn't go to the wedding. *ding* Another warning bell. She even got upset that I went out the night before with the wedding party instead of spending time with her. Still, I plow along, telling myself we can work it out.

My brother moved out of my apartment a couple of months after the marriage, and she moved in. Now I need to fill you in on something...

She had changed shifts at work. We had both worked 2nd shift, she went to days. Working with her was a lesbian woman who was as butch as I have ever seen. (NOTE: I like lesbians. I want to be one. Or share one. Whatever. So don't be afraid to contact me if you are one. lol) She was everything that my ex told me she didn't like about a person. She smoked pot, did drugs, was a gangbanger type, a lowlife. They somehow became friends, and the lesbian even joined my softball team. After a while, my ex told me this woman was harassing her at work, and she even asked that I walk her to her car when she left so this woman wouldn't bother her. I report it to my superiors for her, so she wouldn't have to feel the embarassment of reporting a fellow worker.

This too, was a lie. 2 weeks into her living with me, I find a letter from this woman saying how much she loved my ex, and how much she had enjoyed the night before (it was dated from that past Saturday, so it might the Friday night when I was at work).

My ex had cheated on me. With a lesbian. I'm a red blooded male, and normally I'd be all over it. What guy wouldn't? And she knew it. But this woman was so butch and unattractive she was not what I would have had in mind at all.

Now I'm looking like a complete fool at work because she had me reporting it as unwanted, and all the time she was encouraging it, and even reciprocating. Our friends were nice enough to my face, but the talk behind my back got to me. The fucking lies she had told were devastating enough. I confronted her and she completely denied it, even with the letter in my hand. I told her she had 2 weeks to get out (I couldn't just kick her out then, we had her child living with us, and she couldn't go back to her father's. I guess he had had enough of her too). I told her I didn't want that woman in the place we lived together. That was my only rule.

Monday rolls around, I drive home from work, and sure enough, she's there. In our apartment. I kicked her out that night. I felt horrible for the boy, but what was I going to do? She left and got all her stuff out that next weekend and moved in with the woman. As far as I know, they're still together.

So, in a nutshell, I was left by a woman for another woman. I'm freakin Ross from Friends, in real life. Without the shared child, thank God.

As a guy, can you imagine how dickless that makes you feel? Worst part is, I couldn't even watch lesbian porn for months afterwards (I got over that. Trust me). Seriously though, you hear women's stories about guys going gay on them. I wonder how many guys got it the other way around?

So there it is. Like I said, I'm over it. I rarely drink any more, I'm back in school, and I have started looking for companionship again. I feel like I just starred in a segment on "Taxicab Confessions".

I am JoJo the Circus Boy!

GoddessOfTheDawn 106F
11240 posts
5/9/2006 1:09 pm

I think you know better than that....

replying to your reply....

rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 5/9/2006 3:16 pm:
I do know better than that, Goddess. Just sad that no one else would admit to it. It IS embarassing, but it'd be hypocritical to say I want honesty and not be able to admit to the things that have happened to me.

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