New course being offered! Accredited!!  

rm_LoyalCumpany 47M
2036 posts
4/19/2006 4:57 am

Last Read:
4/20/2008 1:04 am

New course being offered! Accredited!!

My last post, OK, in all seriousness I mean it, was my response to the email I received today from the woman I posted about here The greatest night of my life. Read them both, and if you feel like adding to the list on my last one, please do. It's probably the most vulnerable I'll get, other than the next paragraph.

I guess I had neglected to mention she was coming to town in May, and had said she wanted to see me. Unfortunately, it's not going to be what I was hoping for. While she hasn't come right out and said it, I get the sense that it's going to be a purely platonic visit. Fuck! And I had the Spermabomber revolt placated.

I can't deny my smartass self, so I've decided to offer a course that has the totally opposite goal of this site. I seem to be becoming an expert on this, so why deny it? Hell, if I could figure out a way to make money on it, I would. Is there any profit in being a reverse gigolo?

So here we go with my first lesson.... and remember I will use the female descriptor for the rest of this course. You may insert the male descriptor, depending on your gender and/or sexual preference.

Everyone seated? Let's begin. I will introduce myself first, and I will ask my students to introduce themselves at a later date.

My name is LoyalCumpany, and I have been sexually frustrated for a little over a year now. My right hand has lost all the ridges due to masturbating continuously, and now looks like the hand on the robots from "I, Robot". Don't be sorry, and stop the screaming. To answer the question you probably have, I cannot switch to my left hand, for fear of the same results and an inability to turn a doorknob from lack of friction. It is rather thrifty though, as lubrication is no longer needed.

This class only runs as long as I will it to. Today, since it is our first class, I will try to keep it short. Also, I have to rub some sandpaper on my right hand in 10 minutes. I'm playing softball after this. The last time I played without scuffing the hand, I threw to first base and seriously injured the concession stand girl behind the backstop. She refused my offer to help her stand up. In fact she actually screamed and vomited blood. Maybe I shouldn't have extended my freakishly smooth right hand. I might have tried offering her my mitt hand to use, but I was busy scratching my crotch.

On to the lessons. These first few tidbits of material are for that occasion when you have that special someone you are trying to pick up on in person. They are in Chapter One of your textbook, titled "I've run out of nose hairs. Will ear hairs work?".

Be awkward as hell when conversing with someone you think is hot. Stutter, avoid eye contact, lick your chapped lips, and above all, don't stand or sit still. Move your hands continuously in random patterns, and tap your feet to some indistinguishable beat.

If it still looks like you might actually be successful in picking her up, yank out some nose hairs while she's looking at you. Look at them intently, then nonchalantly let them drop to the floor. If you're in her car or house, make sure they land on a bright spot so they stand out. At work, flick them and try to get them to land on her keyboard. The IT guys will love her request for a new one and her reason for it.

If you are sending a message to a female here, believe it when her profile says she's mostly interested in a guy's personality. That picture where she's posing on a sandy beach, makeup perfect even though she's soaking wet, bikini barely covering her tits, her landing strip and lips just barely visible through the fabric, and the SI logo at the bottom; it's hers. After all, SI is her nickname for "SexIholic".

Send her that message you spent 2 hours creating. Charm her with your special wit and that picture you posted of your (really your roommate's) massive cock being swallowed. Make sure she knows the prison doesn't allow her to visit unless it's conjugal, because as Commandant, Warden, and "Playgirl's Sexiest Man In Uniform, Year 2003", you're not allowed to leave the grounds in case of a riot. Hope she agrees. Panic as you realize you typed "cellmate" and not "roommate". And hope your lips weren't chapped in the picture you sent.

That's it for today. I'm tired of the mouse slipping through my hand. I will continue tomorrow with our 2nd lesson, "How To Be Sexually Frustrated In a Singles Bar". Be careful not to slip on the hairs on your way out.

I am JoJo the Circus Boy!

miab78 51F

4/19/2008 1:29 pm

um...Mr C, uh, are we going to be tested on this material? I've got everything you said on my mini voice recorder, my pocket protector got washed and then dried and melted so I don't have a pen to take more infomation and I was just wondering because if we're not gonna be tested then maybe I can just wait and put all my voice notes on the computer at one time. And, oh, there any extra credit we can do for this class sir? Do you need your white board erased or anything like that? I could wash your car for you...

gotta get an a in something...Mia

Miracles come in moments. Be ready and willing...Wayne Dyer

Luck and love to all,

rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 4/20/2008 1:07 am:
Kissing up to your teacher is allowed. Just don't try to follow me back to my office. People might think I'm removing mu unsuccessful streak.

rm_NassyFox 55F
37088 posts
4/20/2008 12:48 am

Tested? Oh hell, I wasn't taking notes. Let me see if I can remember. Nose hairs. Gotcha! Cellmate. Gotcha!

Ok, onto lesson 2. Gawd! I hope I can this stuff straight!

rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 4/20/2008 1:08 am:
As a female, you may have to work harder to pass this class. Just sudy, try real hard, and let your nose hairs grow.

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