Can we make sex sound any MORE boring?  

rm_LoyalCumpany 47M
2036 posts
5/12/2006 4:07 am

Last Read:
4/20/2008 1:33 am

Can we make sex sound any MORE boring?

Today, I'm going to talk about how to make sex sound boring. "Gosh, LC, how can you do that?", you may ask yourselves. Go ahead. Ask it. It's easy. You're asking the most unsuccesful guy on this site, for cripes sake.

All right, maybe not THE most unsuccesful guy. I'm sure all you females have gotten some pretty boring or just plain vomit-inducing messages from my fellow men. Mine have either been either so awkward they're pitiful, or as one of my dare message recipients was so eloquently pointing out today, somehow so offensive it warranted a good 10 minutes of typing and probably more time in thought to point out the flaws.

Never said I was perfect. Didn't even think it was that offensive. But I'll apologize anyway, as it's the right thing to do.

In one of [post 328266] posts, we got down to the very interesting business of trying to disover the caloric value of cunnilingus. I had been chatting with the lady who found this site on IM earlier that day, and it had something close to what we were looking for. Except it was values for sperm. So today let's cover fellatio (not cover it, er... enjoy it? No, only if I receive it, you pervs)

This site listed not only the calories, but the ingredients in sperm. This is quoted directly from the site (again, if I was allowed, I would credit the author and site)...

"And if you are counting calories, no worries... the caloric content of an average semen ejaculation is estimated to be approximately 15 calories. For the scientific researchers, here's the chemical contents: aboutonia, ascorbic acid, blood-group antigens, calcium, chlorine, cholesterol, choline, , citric acid, creatine, eoxyribonucleic acid (DNA), fructose, glutathione, hyaluronidase, inositol, lactic acid, magnesium, nitrogen, phosphorus, potassium, purine, pyrimidine, pyruvic acid, sodium, sorbitol, spermidine, spermine, urea, uric acid, vitamin B12, zinc. Wow! That's better than a One-A-Day vitamin!!"

AMEN! No reasons for the ladies to refuse to swallow any more! Look at that, I have nutritional value!

Actually, this site has all sorts of interesting facts about fellatio, cunnilingus, and... um... analingus. Whatever floats yer boat.

Thing is, it actually makes sex boring. Maybe I'm too visual. Maybe it needs more pictures. They have one, but it looks like one of those naughty 20's pics that remind me of something your grandfather would whack off to (um, not yours specifically. Not like I think about... ah hell, never mind. Just look at the damn pic at the top).

The author did have a tendency to end paragraphs with an exclamation point, maybe it was forced gaiety (why do I use these words on this site?). Couldn't decide if he/she was really excited to write this stuff, or if it was meant to make it sound more exciting.

"Many women enjoy having their partner ejaculate into their mouth, however, some women find the idea of swallowing semen repugnant. It is up to the individual how you handle this issue. Many men feel that by swallowing their semen, you accept a part of themselves into your body to totally complete your lovemaking but many people don't like the taste of semen. You have to work it out with each other. And believe it or not you can help change some of the taste and smell of semen by the foods you eat. For example, alkaline-based foods such as meats and fish produce a bitter, fishy taste and dairy products contain a high bacterial putrefaction level which creates a foul taste, but acidic fruits and alcohol give a pleasant, sugary taste, But remember, chemically processed liquors will cause an extremely acidic taste, so drink high-quality, naturally fermented beers or sake!"

Beer is good. Another reason to drink beer before sex. Excuse me if I go drink a 12 pack before I get a blowjob. Just keep going if I pass out. At least I'll taste better.

There's much more, where he goes into proper techniques and even explains what the 69 position is. Ya know, if you have to go to a website to find out what a 69 is, you're either 12 years old and shouldn't be looking at that stuff, or you're never going to get it anyway because you live in a religious compound that's going to be attacked by the ATF soon and be burned alive along with the shack you live in anyway.

Why have my posts lately felt like book reports? Do I really miss school all that much already? Should I continue with these subjects? If you feel like answering, let me know. Otherwise, I'll go back to studying for the finals I already took and passsed.



I am JoJo the Circus Boy!


rm_saintlianna 46F
15466 posts
5/12/2006 5:11 am

So, you are like a drunken Flinstone's chewable vitamin??? Hey!!! Watch what you say about my crapshack, the ATF dont even know about the PA militia yet so


rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 5/12/2006 12:29 pm:
The word "chewable" should not be mentioned in a fellatio post, saintli. The male chastity belt was bad enough.

Seriously_Real 49M

5/12/2006 5:40 am

Basically, if I get this right, I am supposed to eat alot of citrus.

Check.

--Seriously


rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 5/12/2006 12:30 pm:
Aha! Now sexyd knows why you ran out to buy all that grapfruit.

JeersPilarSaver 36F

5/12/2006 7:02 am

i love to swallow and if u drink beer and pass out when i give u blowjob, i swear im gonna punch ure face or even worse, bite ure cock, lol.
nice post, loyal


rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 5/12/2006 12:31 pm:
Geez, another woman threatening to bite. Fine, I won't pass out. I'll just go puke instead.

TheRealThing655 49F
9558 posts
5/12/2006 7:26 am

[I]Beer is good. Another reason to drink beer before sex. Excuse me if I go drink a 12 pack before I get a blowjob. Just keep going if I pass out. At least I'll taste better.

You are fucking hilarious. You are a true intellectual my friend. I'm loving this shit, especially the comments after you quote the research
Geesh, I'm kinda glad you're done with school- we'll have more of this stuff to look forward to


rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 5/12/2006 12:33 pm:
I'm become like Bill Nye, the Science Guy. Or maybe the male, less annoying (?) version of Dr. Ruth. Or perhaps the male, less annoying version of Dr. Phil.

redlipsprincess
(Princess Lips)
53F

5/12/2006 8:10 am

    Quoting Seriously_Real:
    Basically, if I get this right, I am supposed to eat alot of citrus.

    Check.

    --Seriously
don't forget the cinnamon...

TTFN


rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 5/12/2006 12:34 pm:
Ooh, are you supposed to put cinnamon on top after ejaculation? Sort of an ice cream topping?

Smooth_GaL 35F   
424 posts
5/12/2006 9:10 am

Well i always thought drinkin fresh fruits or vegetable juices helped the taste but then again u did conduct a research Glad i learn something new from the wise Loyal


rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 5/12/2006 12:37 pm:
I can't claim credit for the research. God no, that's mean I'd have had to taste it. Er, well, other guys'. I didn't taste other guys.

I've had a year of celibacy. Ran out of paper towels a few times. Give me a break, willya?

Iwakura16Eyes 38F

5/12/2006 12:21 pm

they don't call it a protein shake for nuthin. and fruits do help.

GOOD quality beer, dammit... not the silly shit kids get trashed quickly from

this is damn amusing... MUAH...


rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 5/12/2006 12:41 pm:
So we have another sperm connoseiur?

If I promise to eat an entire orange grove, would that help my case any?

Hey, don't bag on my Milwaukee's Best! It says "Best" right on the label!

rm_gerson42 53M
2419 posts
5/12/2006 1:00 pm

Sometimes there is a thing called "Too Much Information".


rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 5/12/2006 1:08 pm:
Too much info? As a guy, you weren't even slightly curious to know what you were shooting out?

I found it informative, yet dry, with a distinct bitter almond aftertaste. Then I read the site.

rm_PurryKitty2 49M/51F
9753 posts
5/12/2006 2:33 pm

LOL! I prefer the shorter version I dont have a large attention span and get bored oh so easily

Purry {=}

Purry


rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 5/12/2006 4:28 pm:
I don't have a shorter version. Everything about me is large...

You wouldn't get bored. Might even break out a game of Monopoly.

mickdevil 52M/53F
3496 posts
5/12/2006 3:11 pm

    Quoting rm_PurryKitty2:
    LOL! I prefer the shorter version I dont have a large attention span and get bored oh so easily

    Purry {=}
momma always used to say don't play with your food just eat it!

Mick & Devil FWB
click me

Just Living Life


rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 5/12/2006 4:29 pm:
And eat the one who ate the food!

My momma was really wierd sometimes...

whineyblonde0r 55F
140 posts
5/12/2006 3:37 pm

I have visited your blogs as you post them and felt I had nothing to add til now. Call it the gullible blonde mentality, but I figure I can be conned occasionally into beliving some things. I swallow by the way already, not something that has bothered me ever. I have never sought out the ingredients to semen, never been that bored maybe.. but after viewing your blog, thought I recognized several ingredients and not some, so did some investigating of my own. Creatine helps provide the energy our muscles need to move, particularly quick and explosive movements. It is an ingredient in energy drinks currently on the market. Damn, is someone jerking off into those millions of energy drinks produced now and did he used to work at kentucky fried chicken?
Purine..thats too close of a word to urine and I know too much in a diet exagerates the symtoms of gout. And here I thought the prostitutes limping gait was from those fuckme shoes they wore.
Hyaluronidase, good gawd, I think I need to have My salad tossed after the bj with that mayonaisey sounding word.
Glutathione...It is an antioxidant necessary for the protection of proteins; is involved in nucleic acid synthesis and plays a role in DNA repair, It is involved in cellular differentiation and slows the aging process...this only intensifies my thought of rub some of the stuff on my face while your at it lover,guys seem to like it "accidently" shot onto your face anyway...anything to prevent wrinkles...dont forget to save a bit for squirting on the boobs and tummy anything to keep them firmer too. I could go on..but..Im already convinced.


rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 5/12/2006 4:30 pm:
Ooh, did you find the ingredients a turn on? Gave ya even more reason to suck, swallow, smear, and whatever else you can think of, eh?

sensually_4ever 43M/F

5/12/2006 5:13 pm

ohhh god... what she said?

exagerates the symptoms of gout???

god.. that explains why my toes have been sore...

I think I will stop Begging for my protein pick ups defore I go to work now

LAUGHING OUT LOUDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Sens


rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 5/12/2006 8:16 pm:
Shouldn't ever have to beg for protein. Plenty of vitamins out there for the swallowing...

whineyblonde0r 55F
140 posts
5/12/2006 7:34 pm

loyal, I guess I dont need more reasons to do it. Nor get turned on by an ingredient list. Maybe you should delve deeper into the subject and inform the blogging public what is in a womans cum? Find out for me if there is something in it that gives men leg cramps
Sens, risk the gout..it was meant as tongue in cheek...so to speak..


rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 5/12/2006 8:17 pm:
Another proud recipient of multivitamins?

Wish I had run into such healthy women a long time ago.

Iwakura16Eyes 38F

5/12/2006 10:26 pm

    Quoting Iwakura16Eyes:
    they don't call it a protein shake for nuthin. and fruits do help.

    GOOD quality beer, dammit... not the silly shit kids get trashed quickly from

    this is damn amusing... MUAH...
(lookit! I learned to quote! *giggles*) aww damn--that didn't work...

LoyalCumpany replies on 5/12/2006 12:41 pm:
So we have another sperm connoseiur?

If I promise to eat an entire orange grove, would that help my case any?

Hey, don't bag on my Milwaukee's Best! It says "Best" right on the label!

either way... i always thought strawberries did it the best--and yes--strawberries are very acidic.

and BTW... I'll be buying you some guinness, but ya gotta share! (no-- with me, ya perv )

ah... the olden-days--when beer had nutritional value...

(this post was evil--the anti-spam number is 666 uuhhhhmmm *sounds like a tattle-tale kid*)


rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 5/12/2006 11:34 pm:
Mmm. Strawberries. Good for you, good for me. And beer.

Sounds like the start to the best night of my life.

rm_goddess1946 107F
13518 posts
5/12/2006 11:49 pm

tastes different when you eat asparagus...

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...
{=}


rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 5/13/2006 12:40 am:
It SMELLS different when you eat asparagus.

mia175 30F

5/13/2006 1:50 am

guess some of us girls can make it sound too boring or gross


rm_LoyalCumpany replies on 5/13/2006 2:32 am:
Haven't run into a girl yet that made it sound boring...

rm_NassyFox 56F
37088 posts
4/20/2008 1:18 am

I swallow!


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