Tears & Turkey,,,,Blah  

rm_LostLilSoul 47F
373 posts
11/24/2005 11:50 am

Last Read:
8/30/2006 11:15 pm

Tears & Turkey,,,,Blah

Well I gotta tell you I dont care if this blog comes out sounding like Im feeling sorry for myself or not,, I have had all I can take and if something doesent happen to change something, even one little thing,,well whos to say what could happen. Let see my son was in Clarinda Academy last Christmas and they werent going to let him come home but I fought my ass off, saying how well he'd been doing and how bad he needed to be home for Christmas since I had to bag his Thanksgiving dinner up and take it to him in a cooler and the Christmas before that we spent it in the mental ward where the state had him so drugged up all he did was sit and drool. So finially I got him a home pass. I busted my ass to make sure the tree was packed because I wanted so badly to give him a good christmas and on christmas eve he decided he was going to go on the run and when I tried stopping him, he jumped out his window to a car that was waiting, I ran out the front door with a friend who tried helping me and as my sons friend was trying to drive off he hit me and knocked me to the ground with my chin level with his bumper, he then threw it in reverse hitting my friend and knocking him down, and I didnt see him again for 3 weeks and the only reason I saw him then was because he was in a car accident. So this being his first Thanksgiving home in 3 years I made sure I had a nice big dinner made. Well I didnt ask my mother to lift a finger but I did ask my son to take out the garbage (which I ended up doing) and asked him to help me with the potatoes. Well he must not of wanted to because all of a sudden Im just a lazy bitch and since I dont appreciate nothing he does I can just do it myself. Well Im standing there, just putting the greenbean cassaroll in the oven and taking the turkey out, setting the tabble ,, cutting patatoes, loading all this food I just made on the table when he says Im not waiting anymore and grabs a bowl and the cereal and starts eating. Telling me the whole time basically what a piece of shit I am and how worthless I am,, Trying to fight with me all threw dinner but really letting lose on me when I asked him to clear off the dinner table. My moms just sitting there not saying a word, not sticking up for me ,,not telling him to stop being disrespectful,. Yesterday I found out shes been trying to get the charges she filed on him for stealing her ATM card dropped down to juvenile court so he wont risk going to jail if he misses his court dates when he gets them. So when I asked her the county attorneys number she got all pissed off and hung up and refused to give me the name and number. I DONT FUCKING GET IT!! I dont want to lose the love I have for my son but how else can I make it stop hurting? I wish I could take away all the bad that has happened but I cant. I wish he would understand it wasent my fault and I did everything in my power to stop all the bad. I know I dont deserve this and Im tired of this situation. I dont know when Im gonna write next,, probley not until something gives one way or the other,,Im tired of always writting about depressing shit that never seems to stop. Maybe I'll win the lotto and just disappear and my next blog will be wrote on the beach with me drinking a fruity drink with an umbrella with a nice peaceful breeze blowing threw my hair,,, HA
I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving, with good food and warms spirits with friends and family the way it should be.
As for me, it 1: 39 pm and Im going to bed and pray I wake up and find this has all been a stupid nightmare

peace out

JiffsSendsMoldy 58M
19 posts
11/25/2005 4:17 am

Lost lil Soul, STOP!!! Blaming yourself for what has happened in the past, We would all love the luxury of being able to go back in time and right all the wrongs that have happened. So since that isn't possible, remember that YOU ARE doing everything you can!!! It's TIME FOR HIM to start accepting the consequences for HIS disrepcetable actions. One of the things about being a parent is loving you children and I for one would never doubt your love for him, along with loving your son is also reconiseing the time for you to allow them to live with their own decisions and what are the responsabilites and consequences of his choices to be abusive to you. He lashes out at you because he wants you to hand him a life, Did anyone hand you your's?? HELL NO! If he chooses to be on drugs and wants to steal from you and his Grand Mother, then he's setting him self up for a life of guilt, and as any young person does these dsays always looking for somone to blame, beside themselves. I know you know deep down in your heart you wished you could have done better for him, but the materal things are not what says or doesn't say you love him... Remember people grew up in the depression and most of them didn't have any thing and if they got a meal at night time they were lucky. They didn't grow up blaming their parents for their problems today!!! My point being is that you have loved your son and you will never stop, and even though you didn't provide a life of luxury for him, still it isn't a good reason for HIM TO KEEP BLAMING YOU!!!! for his own problems and laziness!!! I know that you are stressed out about all this... but you can't blame you mother for her enabeling him, she isn't of sound mind after her stroke, and she is buying all the guilt and blame your son is throwing on her. I know it seem like it's just to much to handle for anyone person to cope with. I'm sorry but that is just the facts of the matter. I would love to just hold you and let you get some feeling of self worth back and I can promise you that will come back... Lost, you have a suverivor's soul and you have the soul of a giant.... Don't let this get at you. You must hang in there!!! and let your son be responsible for his actions and choices.... Only he can make the changes, that he tries to blame you for.... I don't care what has happened in his past, being you son has given him part of the same spirt that you have, it's time for him to find that spirt on his own, and stop blaming you or any thing else.... He and he alone can be the only one to make thoes types of changes, and it has to be him. All you can do at this point is to be there for him and let him know you still love him, when and if he choses to take control and responsabilty for his life.... The next time he start's in on you and telling you that you are worthless, just look at him and say You love him!!! Maybe he will see that once he can't push you buttons, and say's that you can't love him, because you let this or that happen to him, just look him in the eyes and repete to him that you loved him then and you still do, then ignore what else his poision's mouth spews out, and just keep telling him that... Don't give up girl!!! You will prevail and you will even be a stronger person for this.... You are worth a lot and believe it or not there are people who do and care for you, me being one of them!!! I have big strong arms and a great pair of strong shoulders, you can hug and hold on to anytime, just to remind yourself that you are a human being, and that sometimes we do need each other.... Take care of yourself you are very importaint to me!!!! Strongbox78

pussylicker6712 46M

11/25/2005 3:45 pm

Dear Lost the Irishdude knows what he is talking about. Because my brother was like youre son like I have said "before". My brother grew out of it after he went to jail a couple of times my dad was a firm believer in tough love and it does work. It was hard on my mom and she hated it but it did work and he did grow out of it. Everyone has there own opinion on youre situation but in the end you are the one that is going through this not anyone else. So basically do what you think is right. Nothing replaces a mother's love for there child. Peace out

redmustang91 58M  
8935 posts
11/29/2005 12:42 pm

Tough situation. I say get the kid into counseling with someone who knows how to act with juveniles. Find out what the kid wants and bribe him for good behavior and take away for bad behavior. And if he survives to mature, he will get better, assuming someone does not teach him with some very tough love how to respect others. Our son got better after he left home, but is still a work in progress, as we all are. Around 25 most seem to improve if they last that long...

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