Don't Read This Post  

ReranBroodArret 37M
9 posts
6/8/2006 7:57 pm

Last Read:
5/30/2007 11:56 am

Don't Read This Post

Seriously, I'm only writing this one for me, I want to brag to somebody and it's too late to call anybody.
I went to the comedy club tonight to see Otto and George, a pretty big act that made it into the movie 'The Aristocrats' (highly recommended to members of this site and comedians, though I rarely even admit that I've seen it to anyone else; it's not for the easily offended). I get into the show for free, so I figured I'd check 'them' out. I show up about ten minutes late to find that I'm earlier than both the MC and the headliner. The comedian that got the prime rib thrown at him was also there to watch the show, and had been recruited to go up and kill some time. He suggests to the manager of the club that I go up first and do some time and introduce him, basically take over for the MC.

Here's the tricky part. The club owner loves me, and would have agreed in a second, but he wasn't there. The club manager hates everyone, and doesn't know me very well, and not only that but he's already in a bad mood because his comics are nowhere to be found. He looks at me like the whole thing is my fault and says, 'You got 3 minutes, you go over your time and I swear to God you'll never work this club again.'

Now my friends, let me mention that 3 minutes is nothing. 3 minutes is hey how you doin wonderful crowd youve been great thats my time. 3 minutes is a couple good jokes if the audience is warmed up and you've been introduced. But being the first one up with the crowd still chatting and eating you need at least 5 if not 10 to get their attention. This guy is basically looking for me to fail so he can take his anger out on me, there is no way I'm going to do well in 3 minutes. But it was also my shot to impress a guy who hates everyone. I bail his ass out here and he has no choice but to admit I'm good.

So I go up and do the first joke of my normal opening bit. It does pretty good, I've got their attention, not too shabby. Skip the rest of my opening bit and go into my second bit. First part does decent, not great but decent. Second part of that bit doesn't do so well. Oops. Now I'm fucked, I've got 45 seconds left to regain a crowd I just had and lost. So I do my go-to bit, my saver bit, the one that has never failed me. And thank the Good Lord it kills, I'm in, I got them, bring up the next comic on a big laugh and I'm golden.

I go back to the club manager, ask him, 'Am I banned?' He stares at me angrily for probably close to 30 seconds and then says, 'You went over your time.' Of course he's just being a dick for the sake of being a dick, I'll admit it's fun sometimes. He admits that 3 minutes is nothing, of course I was gonna go a minute or two over, and I'm not fired yet. Coming from this guy I take it to mean, you rule the comedy universe, get ready for your comedy central special.

So that's it, that's my braggart story for the night, I got to open for Otto and George and feel somewhat almost not really big time. If anyone wants to know what my go-to never-fail bit is I'd be happy to post it, except that if you ask me to it proves that you didn't follow my directions and not read this post. So it's kind of a catch-22. Smell ya later.

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