WHO'S PAYING THE TAB this time?  

rm_Ladyt53 65F
353 posts
1/21/2006 9:05 pm

Last Read:
3/6/2006 3:12 pm


I had a very intriguing conversation today with a (male) friend. I often find myself discussing things that may later lead me to ponder; this was just one of those conversations and it has me perplexed and I find myself in need of discussing it further, I decided to write this as a blog because I’m sure he’ll read it and know that it is about him.

This is not being written from malicious because what we discussed does not apply to me, it never has so I wouldn’t feel anything except empathy for the women of the world who have gone through or are now going through similar situations as the subject which I’m writing about.

Single women who date married men, are they fools to do so? In my opinion I would say yes, sure what’s the point, why would you strap yourself into a one-way relationship that will only lead to someone getting hurt in the end, be it yourself, the lover or perhaps his/her family. In most cases when a single person gets involved with someone married the relationship is usually doomed from the start, simply because it is based on a lie.

As a female I knew early on that I would never get involved with someone else’s husband oh sure I’ve met plenty over the years, and they all have the same stories to tell, like how great the marriage was at the start but somewhere down the line the little wifey isn’t doing things the same anymore. The house isn’t getting cleaned, or the kids aren’t behaving, and the most popular line of all is the sex just ain’t worth a damn. So what does he do, find himself an outside lover who’ll be there to listen to him whine about how bad things are at home and how he just wishes he could be there with her all the time.

What actually happens, well I’m here to say that I’ve had to console a many of girlfriends over the years that were heartbroken time and time again when that married man who claimed he loved her dirty panties, took his wife off to some romantic vacation spot. Not to mention all the birthdays, Christmas’, New Years’ and many other special occasions that she may have wanted to share with the man in her life but couldn’t because he was at home sharing them with someone else.

Oh, but let me stop here and say that there are some single women in the world who love to deal with married men, not many but there are a few. There are the trophy girlfriends who’ll date married men who have bundles of cash and no problems with setting them up with bank accounts, nice homes, cars and providing other luxury gifts. Then there are the career women who don’t really have time for a serious relationship; of course they don’t mind sharing someone else’s husband because they know (thus have their own cash and can provide themselves with all the material trappings that some women have to get married in order to obtain) he won’t be in the way, after all who wants to be picking up behind someone else if they don’t have to.

But the average single female usually has the same mind set as most women and that is to one day having a husband and a family of her own. Which of course she can’t do if she’s tied down with someone else’s husband.

Well now I’ve gone and gotten way off track from my original thought because while the subject was about married men and single women the actual conversation was why do women expect men to pick up the check on every date?

And my comment to that question was that we don’t expect it at least I don’t, I have no qualms about paying for an outing especially if I’m the one who initiated the date.
However, a single woman may have a completely different attitude about paying for a date if she’s going out with a married man.

Well he just didn’t get it and I assume he thought my logic was asinine, but come on fellows think about it, you’ve asked this woman out or just maybe she asked you out, but you’re presuming that the end results will lead to you straddling up between her legs at the end of the evening, and once you’ve finished you’re going to roll up and head on back to perhaps your beautiful two car garage home, that has all the latest and greatest in gadgets and furnishings. Back to the same wife (that’s not giving you the sexing that you went out with someone else to get in the first place), who can perhaps go out shopping for new clothing, shoes and what-itz whenever she damn well pleases, because you’re there on hand to help provide for her health and well-being. Yet you’re annoyed because you had to pay what $35 dollars for a meal that lead you to getting what you claimed to be the best blow job in months and you probably got that shacked up in her modest (perhaps a two-bedroom walk-up apartment) home.

Okay now I know that was a little extreme, but if you don’t like the idea of getting stuck with the check every time, then perhaps you should consider the alternative, stay at home, it may be a little boring to you, but hey guess what it’ll save you what, say maybe 50 bucks, and a whole lot less anxiety thinking about the cash that you had to put out?

I’m not here trying to step on toes, but only hoping to enlighten the few who feels the same as my friend and give some perception from the opposite sex. Everything in life has a price and if you want to play, then be prepared to pay.

Smoothneasy43 59M

1/21/2006 10:27 pm

Can it really be so? A woman on AdultFriendFinder who is actually intelligent, well versed, thought provoking, with a sarcastic wit (i.e. meant in a good way per your profile entry) and whom enjoys the old Motown greats! In the vernacular of the day just had to say "You Go Girl" ! Have truly enjoyed reading your Blog entries here and in my humble opinion you hit the male, I mean nail, right on the head with your entry above. Any platonic friendship or "friendship with benefits" has to be prefaced with a true understanding and acceptance on the part of both partners as to what the true situation is upfront! As long as both know and are accepting of the true situation, whatever it may be, then the stress, drama and potential hurt that could come would not exist. As the sayin goes "Do Unto Others......" By the way, I have a little story regarding a homeless person as well but will save that for another time and reply to your blog entry on it instead of here. Forgive my verbosity here but the words just kept flowing - lol. Take care and look forward to reading more of what your mind puts to cyber paper .

rm_klittykatt4u 45F
15 posts
1/21/2006 10:59 pm

I agree.

If a married man wants to play around, why should the single woman foot the bill?

I look at it like this (and this is in line with what you've written)...


Wifey gets all the goodies that come along with being "your woman" and sure enough she gets all the crap too (the farts, the dirty drawers, the lies), but IF you claim you need to supplement what you aren't getting at home, (and we all know how important the sex is to youzguys), then pass some goodies our way too. After all, the single woman is spreading her legs, parting her lips AND tipping around like she stole something...when all the while the secret is your's.

I like meals and I like gifts. It's not required, but if you ask me out then I expect that you will be paying.


At the end of the day, it's much better to just leave the married men to their wives and deal with single guys. The only problem is attachment. If you don't want a serious relationship, then perhaps you might fare better with a married man. But that's not always the case either as they can also get might smitten.

Pay for the meal guys! Is it that big a deal?

spoldrtn812 52F  
1058 posts
1/22/2006 4:29 pm

I'm sorry I always thought married men had to pay double!! lol

again, Queen, Thank you for articulating the feelings of so many women!

Please, Sign my Guestbook Screw me

DeepDLover 49M
347 posts
1/23/2006 7:59 pm

First not being married I can't speak for married men.

However, let me chime in with a bit of common sense.
1) IF you are married, paying for a meal is cheaper and safe than paying for a "pro" to take care of your needs.

2) People need to be adult. Meaning, open, honest and sincere with their partner AND themselves. I don't have an issue with "who pays for what". I have an issue when men (and women) make assuptions and generalizations.

Personally, I feel that from the first meeting communication should begin. Go get a cup of something, a beverage or a few appetizers if you want to get to know someone. I think that going Dutch at first allows the woman to feel unpressured.

Some jackasses feel that a meal means "give me sex". Some dumbasses feel that sex is based on how much money they can get you to spend. When will people just grow up. If you want to buy affection and physical interaction, just say so. If you are peddling yourself, say that too.

Men, pay for the food and drink. If you don't wish to then sayso from the door and don't expect anything afterwards. YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN IF YOU PAID FOR THE MEAL.

Just my $0.02.

rm_Ladyt53 65F
122 posts
1/25/2006 7:52 pm

Hey Deepd

I knew this post would bring about controversy it’s like the age-old question, “What came first the chicken or the egg?” No two people will have the same opinion and as that goes opinions are like armpits and assholes everyone has them.

I don’t think of it as a right or wrong, I simply believe that when people come together for casual sex, they should choose someone with similar interests. For instance a married man seeking pleasures outside of his home should select someone who’s not interested in a meaningful relationship, simply because he knows that getting seriously involved with someone is not his intention to begin with, and those who chose to go out with single women should be prepared to pay the expenses.

Let’s be honest there are not a lot of single women around who will except a no strings attached relationship with a married man unless she stands to gain from it. And for that matter there aren’t a lot of single men around who will settle for that either. So generally when people put themselves into these situations there is always some motive behind it.

So basically I agree with what you’ve said, and I reiterate my original statement if you want to play be prepared to pay.

DeepDLover 49M
347 posts
2/1/2006 2:18 pm


The problem is that most people don't truly know the definition of "casual sex" and if they did, most would not participate in the practice. Casual sex in theory is sex that is as free flowing as a greeting on the street with nothing more than a greeting, or in this case sexual participation, is expected in return. There are of course some parameters in which people are somewhat selective, but in general it is as random, spontaneous and pure, like when young children meet in a playground and begin to play with each other.

The sex that many people consider to be "casual" is in fact one of many other classifications of sexual activity. However, casual does not mean that one isn’t safe in their practices.

1) Adultery

2) Veiled motive sex
- searching for love
- prostitution
- reassurance
- self degradation
- revenge

3) Fantasy

4) etc…

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