Like A Punch to the Stomach..  

rm_Kissmystuff 62F
2665 posts
8/30/2006 10:09 pm

Last Read:
10/6/2010 3:24 am

Like A Punch to the Stomach..

It's a bit hard to write this one..but here goes.

I checked my email on the site this evening. The very first letter I read..was signed with the SAME FIRST AND LAST NAME as my foster father.

My foster father is LONG gone..dead..buried..and I thought in many respects..laid to rest. Apparently not..judging by my reaction. It made me nauseous

It's obviously no fault of the guy who wrote me the email. Not his fault he has the same name of the pig who sexually molested me as a child. I was 11. It went on for awhile.

My foster father..the "salt of the earth". Well respected in the community.."an all around good man" An upstanding going hypocrite. May he burn in hell.

I used to feel guilty about hating him..and my daydreams about stabbing him dead. The first time such thoughts came into my head..I was horrified..and believed myself to be a terrible..sinful person. I was glad when he died. No such guilt anymore.

This crap about..people who molest children..being molested themselves when they were they can't help it. adults..we make choices. We can choose NOT to perpetrate the same pain..humiliation and fear on another child.

This is the man who took my joyful adolescence and left me with shyness..lack of confidence and shame. For years..I felt ugly..and worthless. Thank God for the people who came into my life and helped bring my spirit out of the shadows.

Artwork: "Wilted Rose" by Aaron Fink


dasher121 37M

8/31/2006 3:32 am

sorry that you had to have that reminder come up again, and in a very fucked up coincidence.

I agree, the excuse, "Well I was abused so...." nah thats bullshit. You are so right that as adults we have a choice.

We all have compulsions and quick decisions. As an adult you take responsability in what you do and the choices you make, because they are your choices. Im so sick of hearing people say, "Well I do this because someone did it to me" Nope, thats bullshit.

And although thats a terrible thing that happened to you, like you said some wonderful people came into your life and replaced all that you felt with a new foundation, a solid and honest one obviously.


OboesHonedIambs 63F

8/31/2006 2:49 pm

Yah, I hear ya. BTDTGTS too. Here the name is common as dirt, so that doesnt't trigger me so much as certain odors. Sorry you got reminded.

Instant Human -- Just Add Coffee

RevJoseyWales 70M/67F
14393 posts
9/1/2006 8:44 am

Kiss, I really don't know what to say. Having never been thru this I'm kinda clueless. However, the "it isn't my fault" bullshit is just that, bullshit. Abuse does not have to be cyclical. Hugs, Joe

"McVeigh had the right idea, wrong address."

"This ain't Dodge City, and you ain't Bill Hickok."

goodatpoetry2 68M
16569 posts
9/3/2006 2:22 pm

I'm SO sorry to read this.
Their past is not only a bad excuse, but NO excuse.
But I'm glad that you are mostly over it. Some never get THAT far.

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