Is Romance Dead?  

rm_Kissmystuff 62F
2665 posts
5/28/2006 9:28 am

Last Read:
6/2/2006 8:16 pm

Is Romance Dead?

Where are the men who know how to treat a woman? The ones who know how to make her feel feminine by their very masculinity. The ones who know how to really make love to a woman? And making love is much more than just intercourse..coition.

I've always appreciated it when a man opens a door for me..when he pulls out my chair..walks on the street side of the sidewalk..or when he puts his hand on the small of my back to guide me around an obstacle. I realize the days of women's lib may have caused some confusion in the minds of some men. But sometimes people can be a bit over kill regarding things that really aren't important to the issues.

Has the attitude of many this regard..just scared men away..or are there still men out there who are up to the challenge of a woman. I would think that such a woman would be self affirming for the man who could match her. Such a woman and such a man can bring out the best in each other.

I think I'm not alone when I say that women appreciate the little things. A rose..just because. Or a note..left inviting me to a night out on the town. A scented oil massage after my bubble bath. Or just sitting and talking softly together.

Such a man gets my full attention. I enjoy doing little things for cooking for him. Something rather sexy about preparing tantalizing foods..that appeal to all the senses. And there are spices..that can act as an aphrodisiac.

Sometimes I think..many of us have gotten lost along the way..and feel we have to compete..female and male..against the other. What a waste. Our energies complement each other..if we could just get past all the nonsense. I realize it is a give and take..a mutual consideration..each of the other. And when we do make love..his consideration and desire to please..raises me to new heights and warmer..more ardent response.

Where are the men who know how to romance a woman..and bring out the best in her? Or do they belong to a by gone time and place? Have they become obsolete?


rm_cru1972 46M
4407 posts
5/28/2006 12:51 pm

Not gone, not obsolete, Most of us have just had to supress those urges, for the fear of being labeled "The Good Guy". The one most women say "He's too good of a friend". Yes those are bygone times, and the woman's lib movement did put those actions in check. There are alot of us out there that do feel, we would like to do that, but then comes the lack of dates, (or lack of emotion's maybe is a better word)for the one's who do things like that. I hope this makes sense to you.I know how I feel, and I am one of those men, I strive to be one of those men. And yes I have lived my life that way. So I know "The Good Guy Syndrome" from first hand experience.

puntachueca 106M

5/28/2006 2:28 pm

We're an endangered species.

rm_Shortdogg65 52M
672 posts
5/28/2006 4:31 pm

We're out here, we're just not outwardly attractive enough to be noticed. Shortdogg

bipolybabe 56F

5/28/2006 9:28 pm

I'm so glad to find your blog, KMS.

As a life-long feminist, I want to declare that chivalry is okay by me!

One of the best things I've done for myself is attending the workshops on "Understanding Men" (which I've written about in my blog).

It's not "The Rules" kind of bullshit about manipulation. We've all been there, done that, and want a new way to relate.

This is about creating partnership and allowing women to receive men's gifts. I tell ya, after a lifetime of learning to be self-sufficient, it's not easy to be receptive to men.

But, I also want to declare that men who know how to treat a woman still exist. And, for that, I thank his mom!


Check out my blog Bi-Poly-Babe for more sensual, sexual pleasure!

TheCliticals 36F/F

5/28/2006 10:31 pm

The best man for the job is usually another woman

Nightguy_1961 56M
4866 posts
5/28/2006 11:00 pm

We have been emasculated by modern times and what few of us are left have to speak.....

If I appear bitter about it, my apologies...but too many times, I've been slammed for my upbringing and I hide it from the world....

NG61....disappearing into the shadows...

rm_Kissmystuff 62F
1435 posts
5/29/2006 1:02 am

Has it occurred to you that maybe you were trying to date the wrong women?

From a woman's point of view..a lot of men seem to by pass a lot of women because they don't fit the Madison Ave/Wall Street commercialized packaging of what is according to them the ideal of what a woman should be. It sounds to me like both genders have fallen victim to the propaganda. I know that there are many women out there who appreciate a "nice guy". I'm one of them.

I think as long as there are mama's out there..and fathers..who instill a sense of respect for women and themselves in their children..that species will continue. I suspect..maybe their just laying low right now.

Pretty men..are a dime a dozen. But from what I can are not any slouch. One of the most attractive things about a my his he presents himself..his conversation..his mind..and his consideration.

By the way..I love well kept..long hair on a man. The beard is nice also.

A man can be nice..can be chivalrous..can be romantic..and still be a man. Acting like a man..doesn't mean running rough shod over a woman's opinions and feelings. It doesn't mean acting like she has nothing to offer beyond sexual gratification for a man. Anytime something effects both of's common courtesy to ask for her input.

I've never gone "ape" over not being asked my opinion..but have let the gentleman know future..I would appreciate being asked.

I had an intimate relationship with a man for 11 years. Who did all those things mentioned in my post. He is a wonderful man. Even though that relationship ended some time ago..we are still friends to this day.

Any relationship is a contract of sorts and needs to be negotiated. Part of the problems is that many people don't realize this.

I find that starting from a place of mutual respect goes a long way. I've had to be independent and strong most of my life..and found it rather hard to be accepting and allow men to do things for me.

I've learned..over the years..that part of giving is being able to receive. And yes..I's generally the mom who teaches that. You can tell a lot about a man by the way he talks about and relates to his mother.

I am impressed. I agree with what you say. Chivalry doesn't mean you have to go overboard and fawn slavishly over a woman. But done with shows a wonderful side of a man.

Thanks for visiting and welcome to AdultFriendFinder.

Not necessarily..the genders each have their own energies..that compliment each other if allowed to. There needs to be balance between them.

What a shame. Such manners are to be appreciated. There are still women here who appreciate such chivalry. I'm one of them..and I'm sure there are more besides me.

Wordsmith responded to this post. Take a look at his comment and the post on his blog he directed me to. Leftovers, Take 2 Masculinist EssayI think his post does an excellent job of giving a man's point of view.


rm_Kyhammer2 48M/47F

5/29/2006 5:53 am

Sorry to be the fly in the ointment, Nightguy, but I am who I am, and if the world doesn't care for that then there is something wrong with the world. I grew up in a place where we still respect our elders, we believe God sees the world through the eyes of a child, and women want and deserve chivalry from a man. My girlfriend loves the fact that (and thinks I'm more of a man because) I open doors for her, I do her yard work, I kill all the spiders in the house, etc. I also hold her hand, put my arm around her and tell her how much I Love her while we are out in public, for all the world to see. But you see, it doesn't stop there, for I love to cook for her, and I love to make the bed for her in the mornings, when she has to be off to work before me. I do these things for her because it makes my soul happy, not because I feel I have to. Furthermore, I learned all of this from my Father, because these are the things he did, and still does to this day, for my Mother.

RevJoseyWales 70M/67F
14393 posts
5/29/2006 7:19 am

We're still out here, Kiss. Trust me. We're still out here. I was raised to be a gentleman, as were my sons, and grandson. Yes, it may be "Old School", but that's just the way I am, and I wouldn't be any other way. "Old School" is a term I wear proudly. Joe

"McVeigh had the right idea, wrong address."

"This ain't Dodge City, and you ain't Bill Hickok."

rm_cru1972 46M
4407 posts
5/29/2006 9:29 am

You make a good point Kiss, but I have never done the chasing, I am MUCH to shy, bashful, lacking of self-confidence, to ever be the aggressor.

This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal, this is one of the things I thought of when I read your post. There is another out there somewhere[/] that explains too, the fact that as a woman matures they understand what they are wanting I find this to be a very funny, all be it true story

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and b*tching about what @ssholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative b*tches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete @ss now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

rm_Kissmystuff 62F
1435 posts
5/30/2006 9:18 am

Let's hope not. I really do think they're still out there.

Good for you. I think you're more than ever.

Sounds're girlfriend is a lucky woman. Your dad sounds great also. It really does make a woman feel feminine and appreciated..if she's mature enough to have that kind of sense.

Needs to be more guys like you. On behalf of the women out there who appreciate these things. Thank you..thank you..thank you.

There's is a difference between chivalry and letting a woman walk over you and take advantage of you. From this sounds like a lot of "nice guys" have been letting themselves be taken advantage of. A woman also needs to be able to respect a man. How can she respect a doormat?


blueguy1051 61M

5/31/2006 3:31 pm

I hope I'm not obsolete ... at least not yet. What many people don't understand is that holding the door or a lady's coat, helping her across a puddle, or massaging her feet is not an act of demeaning her, of saying she's helpless, or of subordination to her. She gets along fine when men are not around. These are acts of respect. I have found that all ladies, feminists or not, understand this. When I meet a woman, anywhere, under any circumstances, I always assume she is a lady. There are some women who are not ladies, and after they show me they are not, I don't waste my time with them.

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