Behind the Mask  

rm_Kissmystuff 62F
2665 posts
2/22/2006 9:05 pm

Last Read:
6/28/2009 2:07 pm

Behind the Mask

ยง It seems the posts I'm most satisfied with are those where I reach inside and expose parts of myself to you.

Some of me comes out in much of the poetry I write or the more serious postings I do.
This blog is a catharsis for me. Better than a diary or journal in the sense that I' a way...actually talking to someone...sharing a part of myself with living people.

I'm going to ask that you be patient with me here...because this may not come out in any special order...but will...hopefully make some kind of sense to you.

Part of my life was spent in an orphanage ...twice. The first time was when I was about 3 years old. The memories I have are mostly just bits and pieces...but some of those pieces are pretty vivid.

We often had visitors at the orphanage. Important personages would come to see the nuns and the children...I guess we were one of those charities. I was learning to tap dance. This particular year the St. Paul Winter Carnival king and queen came to visit in all their royal finery. I danced for them. Yellow was my favorite color...and the nuns had dressed me in a yellow hair parted down the middle with a braid on each side and yellow ribbons on the ends. My socks were yellow inside black shiny tap shoes. I don't know what year that was...but I do remember that the queen held me on her lap...on her pretty silver dress.

At the age of about 5...I went to a foster home. The foster father was a large dark skinned...bald headed man. My foster mother was a sharp tongued woman who seemed fond of reminding me I was not the most favored person in her world. There were two other foster kids...both younger than me. I would sometimes hear Mr and Mrs ____ talk about wanting to adopt them. The boy...they did adopt. Me...I guess I was too loud...too rambunctious and too old for them to want me. Don't misunderstand. It never occured to me that I should feel sorry for myself. There were many happy times as well.

We lived in a duplex with a large back yard. A high wooden fence stretched along the side of the yard separating our property from a steep drop off. Several yards below was a greyhound bus station. The fence continued around and across the back of the yard...behind which was the barn where the ragman kept his horse and wagon.

I remember tall...brilliant open faced sunflowers along the side of the yard and a large vegetable and flower garden. Bushes with puffy flowers grew along the front of the duplex. I used to pick these...close to the bottom of the flower...not the stem...something with really seemed to upset Mrs._____. I always enjoyed helping to plant and take care of the growing things. There was a plum tree that yielded fruit for canning. I would help my foster mother make jelly every year.

We kids got baby chicks for Easter one year. I loved animals. I picked the smallest one. I felt it needed the most love. It grew up to be the biggest and tamest one of the bunch.

School was a mixture for me. On the one hand...I loved learning and reading opened a whole new world for me. I love science fiction. Some of the nuns...I got along with...some not. Even then my mouth sometimes got me into trouble. But I had teachers who encouraged me and seemed to have faith in me. Something I noticed around the time I was in the 2nd grade. No one else in school looked like me. None of the teachers...none of the kids. I was the only one with brown skin.

After the 3rd grade...I was taken from the only home I remembered and was taken back to the orphanage. It had once been the home of a rich patron of the church. It had been donated to the church. It was a four story mansion...huge...with acres of land. This was in the city of St. Paul...a city famous for some of its large homes of the wealthy.

The orphange grounds had stables...a separate building used for a outdoor roller skating rink...fields where we grew our own food...a picnic ground...and a section that the school next door used as a football field. In the winter there was a hill we'd toboggan and sled down and a rink for iceskating. I got to be pretty good at both roller and iceskating.

The German caretaker helped to keep things in order around the place...including taking care of the 3 horses. His wife was responsible for the laundry and I'm not sure what else. He used to let me help take care of the horses. There was a black favorite...that he used to let me ride and 2 bays...that would pull us orphange kids in a wagon or cart. I learned to speak German.

I lived there for 3 years. On holidays my foster father would pick me up from the orphange and take me to spend a few days with them. On my first visit back..I found out that they had killed and eaten my pet chicken. It was months before I could stand to eat chicken again.

I'm going to end here for now. Hopefully I haven't put you to sleep. I will come back to Part 2 of the narrative another time.


Erik_Bloodaxe 57M

2/23/2006 1:28 am

Without doubt, you are an interesting lady

interested13563 54M
2557 posts
2/23/2006 10:28 am

This is very interesting. One's background is always
part of one's self. I really like to kno wmore about

rm_FreeLove999 48F
16127 posts
2/23/2006 11:20 pm

wow! that was so beautiful and interesting. thanks so much for sharing.


[blog freelove999]

LickYourYoni 69M
512 posts
2/24/2006 8:03 am

i look forward to reading more.
thank you for sharing your
fascinating early years with us!

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