The Party. The Life. The Cankle. Did they hear me?  

rm_Khemeckals 39M
71 posts
1/26/2006 10:29 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

The Party. The Life. The Cankle. Did they hear me?

I started gathering my things around 8, or so my Attorney/Dentist tells me as I write this. I remember passing a bottle of Jager that was half empty. As he loaded the video camera, I took several shots. All I needed for the night was my trusty pen, and a radar detector. I knew I would be deep in the muck, and would be prepared. It wasn't going to be optimal conditions for a journalist to work in, but that's why they call me the Dr! I remember looking at the bottle again, and this time it was in my hand. It was totally empty, and I knew this was not acceptable. "Off to the liquor store at once!!", I said screaming to my Attorney/Driver. It's 8:45 and we've got to make it! How can I work under theese conditions, I thought.

We arrived at the Liquor store around 9pm. The lady hovering over the door mumbled something to me, but I was way to intoxicated at this point to understand even the most carnal forms of communication... "Bottle of Jager" I said, yes how did you know? How did she know? I'd never been here before! Was that what she said? I believe it was closing time, but no one in their right mind would who knows of my reputation would deny me. I don't remember buying the liquor, but I do have hazy recollections of me chugging on the bottle in the car. Don't worry my loyal reader, I was not at the wheel. We were responsible peoples. I believe he was snorting something, maybe afrin, at the time we passed a "Don't drink and drive" sign. "Yes!!" I thought to myself... all legal tonight. The cops had nothing on us.

Next thing I remember is hearing loud noises from the house that we were walking to. My Attorney/Camera Man said, "I'm glad we brought the guns and cattle prods, this looks like its gonna get messy". I recognized alot of faces, but some I never knew. The camera was rolling, this much I was certain. Nothing else was quite clear at this point. We entered the main party area... chaos, loud music, and tons of people were all around me. My Attorney/Body Guard had a displeased look on his face. Nevermind I thought, get a grip, smile, and try to blend into this petting zoo. Hope people aren't actually feeding these god damn things. I needed sources for my column, so I begin to interact with these animals.

By 10pm, I had my story, a 1/3 of my bottle of jager left, and a giant moose head strapped to my back. I was dancing around like an Indian praying for rain. My Attorney/Taxidermist was passed out in the corner. Luckily the camera was still rolling, and was pointed in the general direction of the chaos, I definitely needed evidence of this deviance, or no one would believe me. $hit, I didn't believe it myself, and I was there.

There was proof in the camera that I actually saw 12am that new year's eve, but I remember nothing after 11pm. There was twisting and turning in all directions as people talked to me. No sense of balance what so ever. I remember saying something like, "I need to get my raincoat", as I walked down the gravel driveway. One slip and I was instantly face deep in rocks. My body pressed the stop button on my memory. I believe this is what most people would call a white out.

I awoke the next morning half naked with a picture of Barbra Bush in one hand, and a rubber duck in the other. As I took my first step, I fall to the floor. My (C)ankle was the size of a softball. As my Attorney/Nurse walked through the door with some ice and pain killers, he says "Don't forget to return the fog machine....Those Smoke Nazi's will be gunning for us if you don't, I'll get the measuring tape...."
Rewind the tape... play again... wow, what a night.

Reporting new years eve party

(Fun party, got wasted)


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