Antipathy and insolence in arbitration. Gonzo Report  

rm_Khemeckals 38M
71 posts
1/17/2006 5:53 pm

Last Read:
3/24/2006 8:41 am

Antipathy and insolence in arbitration. Gonzo Report

(continued from "The Pig Did Me In")

My day in the halls of Justice.

Violation: breakneck speeding

Yes, the unwavering rookie did me in. He slapped me with ticket like a nazi pimp. Enraged at the last brown eyed hooker left on his roster. My infuriation and astonishment grew with every passing day, as the day I was to be in court grew near. Obviously a man in with my social standing (or lack their of), would need legal advice and council before this fiasco was over. Otherwise, they'd have me shackled and sent to the nearest penal institution, where my new "roomie" Bubba would desecrate me in every way that I couldn't possibly even imagine.

My attorney/maid was with me. He doesn't speak much english, but with an accent like his... everything just sounds so authoritative. I once observed him commute a nun into a raving psycho that thought she was the main event at an ultimate fighting championship. This was not genius to be taken lightly. This man was the real deal. I knew he had the situation handled, but going to trial with a lawyer who considers your whole life-style a Crime in Progress is not a happy prospect. I was in the thick of it though. These were tuff times, but I'm made of glue. They had nothing on me. I was a little paranoid so my attorney/Mechanic says, "as your attorney I advise you to take a hit out of the small brown bottle in my shaving kit." Smooth sailing from her on out. I hear a voice saying, "as your attorney, it is my duty to inform you that it is not important that you understand what I'm doing or why you're paying me so much money. What's important is that you continue to do so."

I strolled into the money trench they call a court, calm and cool. Long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side of this place, but that's another story.

The teller tells me that I can take defensive driving, and that the ticket will not go on my record if the judge approves. My attorney says nothing. I take this as a sign that we have connected, and somehow we both understand the trickery in her words... she was lying to me. I blurt out... My name is #####, I got a ticket... whats the score here? Yes!! I'd been practicing that line for a week as my attorney/plumber had given me a list of the only phrases I could say. This was for my own protection. Foolproof, masterfully executed. The expression on her face showed how well our plan had worked. She handed me some papers and pointed me to the room I needed to proceed to. My confidence was growing....

We enter the court with grim faces. I could still smell the ### on my attorney/Camera man as we strolled through the doors. Never mind I thought. They didn't catch me with drugs, it was a speeding ticket. I felt like Al Capone brought up on tax evasion. This was just a sham. I knew the game. Little did they know, I had check mate in 5. Queen to b5 I thought. Shhh, my attorney retorts. Oh Jesus, did I say that out loud?! Did they hear me?

The Bailiff motions me to come up to the judicial commode. I glance at my attorney, and with his consent, we roll up to the Judge. Hell, we'd be fools not to ride this strange torpedo to the end. He mutters off something that I didn't understand. It sounded very official though. I noticed instantly that the Judge realized he was not dealing with the ordinary citizen. We came for war, and had brought the bombs. He looks over the papers as if speed reading was in his arsenal of talents. This did not faze us the least. He says some things that were to coherent for me to understand. My attorney/Interior Decorator mumbles. Gibberish I thought. What's going on here!? Before I knew it, we were out of the court house and heading to my car. He had totally dismissed the charges!

We drove away knowing that we had manipulated the system. Content, satisfaction, and harmonious waves flew through me. Fear is just another word for ignorance, and we had neither. We were the ultimate prototypes, never considered for mass production. To weird to live, to rare to die.

(I got probation)


rm_art_persists 52M
1789 posts
1/17/2006 7:03 pm

never give in... just be giving.

rm_Khemeckals 38M
94 posts
1/18/2006 5:27 pm

Exactly what I was thinking! Thanks Art.

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