All apologies  

rm_KageKawaii 42M
8 posts
6/23/2006 11:41 pm
All apologies

An ex of mine that I had a particularly bad breakup with recently apologized to me. I accepted, and (in true Piscean fashion) began apologizing for all the bad things I did during the bad breakup. We're friends again, which makes me happy... but I really don't know what to say to her.

Why, you ask? Simple: Not completely over her.

I hear the happiness in her voice and it still takes me back to a place where we stared in each other's eyes as we both came. I try to talk to her, but the urge to use every term of affection I ever uttered in her presence is overwhelming. I can imagine if we start hanging out again, I'll have to watch myself, lest I put my arm around her, let the hug linger too long, or forget the situation entirely and sneak a quick feel. I don't want to be in a situation like that, yet I put myself here. Why?

Simple: Not completely over her.

In time, she will date someone else. In time, I'll date someone else. Part of me will always long to go back, and another part will remember how it felt when she left in the first place. It's stupid, and I can't understand why I'm having such a sophomoric dilemma at this late stage of the game.

My other ex (the mother of kid #2) is back being friendly towards me. I try to talk to her so I can get updates on the kid, but she wants to be buddy-buddy. I don't.

I think I should cut them all off, but I still care. In the end, I guess I never let go of anyone that I'm with. That is a bad habit, and one I need to break.

As for my current ex? I'll just talk to her, but remain guarded. After all, i'm still not completely over her.

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