Does there HAVE to be a morningg after??  

rm_JuicyJulia2 42F
520 posts
8/10/2006 9:29 pm

Last Read:
4/27/2007 6:51 am

Does there HAVE to be a morningg after??

Now I will be the first person to admit that I’ve done my share of sleeping around and as a result of it, I’ve learned that to the key word in ‘one-night stand’ is NIGHT. I hate the morning after show we put on in order to make ourselves feel better and not appear to be a cold-hearted, sex-driven predator. Nothing is more dreadful to me than waking up and realizing that they are still there in my bed and now my piece of ass has become a pain in my ass. I have come to believe most men can easily be categorized in one of 10 morning- after personalities and here as follows:

1. The straggler ‒ this is the guy who takes forever getting ready to leave. Whether it be his 5-minute- long -morning ‒woody- pee or his inability to gather up all his belongings and get up out of there, the straggler will stay until forcibly removed.

2. The talker- this is the guy who will talk as a means to extend his stay. He either talks because of he is nervous or extremely desperate for friends. Either way, that voice will resonate like thunder in your aching head and you will want to stab him in the throat with a pencil just to make him shut the hell up. Seriously.

3. The beggar- this is the guy who mistakes you for a Waffle House line cook and expects breakfast. Give this one a Yahoo Map to the nearest McDonalds and get him the hell out of there before he demands you do his laundry too.

4. The co-dependent ‒ this is the guy who mistakes a night of throwing down in the sack as the beginning of a new relationship. This is definitely not the way to meet your future ex-husband, but rest assure, you’ve just met your new stalker.

5. The liar- this is the guy who just happened to forget one tiny little detail- that he’s married or in a long-term relationship or that he still lives with his mother. No need to give this one a fake number, he won’t be calling for sure.

6. The jerk- this is the guy who wakes up as Mr. Hyde. Even Ted Bundy made good first impressions, so don’t beat yourself up over this bad judgment call. Make sure you tell him how bad he is in bed as you slam the door shut behind him.

7. The sleeper creeper- You cannot wake up this one. He sleeps like he is in a coma and no matter how loud you drop things, yawn, yell at your dog, anything to make it seem like you are not trying to be loud, you cannot accidentally rouse him. You must figure out a way to wake him despite it being awkward or he will be there until noon and you will be a prisoner of this sleeping beauty’s R.E.M. cycles.

8. The stud- here is a man who is insatiable. He’s still drunk, you’re still drunk, he’s still horny, you’re still horny. Better call off work that day because this one-night stand may be more like a one-night-morning-and-afternoon stand.

9. The elephant-man- WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? Tequilla! Helping women lower their standards for years! Do whatever you have to do to get this one out, sight unseen and don’t feel bad, you just made his century!

10. The gentleman- this is the guy who awakes before you, cleans up the beer cans and does the dishes without trying to disrupt your sleep. If you’re really lucky, he also politely shows himself to the door and locks it behind him- my personal favorite!

rm_saintlianna 46F
15466 posts
8/10/2006 9:53 pm

Havent seen you for awhile!!!

4. The co-dependent How about just throwing them out before you fall asleep???

snowdragon2006 42M

8/10/2006 10:24 pm

Wow, I think I am at least 7 out of ten. Usually all seven at the same time. I have to agree with saintlianna; tell him it was fun, but (insert lie of choice)

1. you have to wake up early for work
2. your children are coming by in the morning
3. your mother is coming by in the morning
4. your Johovah's Witness group is coming by in the morning, and has he heard the truth about Jesus Christ (he'll run so fast, he'll leave a body-shaped hole in the door)
5. you want to get married as soon as possible. How about that afternoon? You can meet his mom at lunch time.

See, lots of ways to lie and have fun doing it.

rm_BigSexxxy693 47M
1230 posts
8/10/2006 10:38 pm

It;s good to see you back....Not that I have any room to
This is a good one though. I tried to be the gentleman a while back. I just couldn't get her door locked. When I saw her a week later or so, that's all she had to say about it....."you left my door unlocked when you left." All I couls say was sorry I didn't have your keys. At least she didn't have to try to wake me up from my usual coma after a night of drinking!

Welcome Back!!!

Da Big Fella

gargoyle3773 52M  
69 posts
8/23/2006 6:24 am

I would defintely say i am the gentleman type. Unless you awake and want a good morning sex session to start your day, i will place a kiss on your forehead and see my way out the door. By the way I am still hoping to talk with you sometime!

NEsailor 70M

8/29/2006 9:48 am

Persoannly, sex on waking is my favorite, not always energetic but a good orgasm is a wonderul way to start the day.
Spooned is nice, sweet ass in my belly & my arm reaching around for Clint play, then a shower together, I'll cook breakfast, you dry your hair so we can gat outta here.

blueguy1051 61M

8/29/2006 7:14 pm

Welcome back. Easiest way is go to his place, then you can leave when you want. It also makes it easier if his idea of getting frisky differs from yours.

danteszippo 53M
4070 posts
9/6/2006 1:47 am

I usually end up in my bed, so I have seen the other side of this.
I find the ones who have some tea or coffee and then are off with a nice kiss are the ones i like the best...along with the ones who climb on my morning wood and wake me up. you can't beat that.

GangBangCple 67M/56F

10/2/2006 7:07 am

when on a date together, we always go to their place, or a hotel , we always leave shortly it's over

If Mr Gb did a ONS on own I would expect him to be No 10 - the gentleman

LylaSnoe 48F

10/8/2006 7:44 am

Just came across your post! This is absolutly PRICELESS, AND ONE IN A MILLION! LOVE IT!

myfingersmells1 44F
125 posts
11/7/2006 4:38 pm

How many of these numbers can I repeat? You hit it on the head with many of your notes on "those kind of guys."
Thanks for your insights as they bring back many laughs!

hardness824u 35M

12/26/2006 2:01 pm

Your writings here are amazing. I wish I had the chance to find out what kind of morning after guy i am. But I know I leave before it is time to sleep. I am the ahead of time gentleman. I Love you stuff, and of course as i am sure you hear that all the time. But hey one more time wouldn't hurt.

cumhavefun1976 41M/42F
8 posts
1/5/2007 6:34 pm

Just Brilliant - we love it

marlborolight29 40M

1/23/2007 7:20 am

how about just tailking about it before it comes down to fucking and falling asleep, it should just be sweet dreams goodnight and a kiss and life goes on.

bpythone 52M

2/4/2007 5:18 pm

Dear Julia,
You should start your own advice section in the paper.
Pretty much hit it on the head.
Even brought up a couple I didn't think about.
Very well done.

maceirinn 50M
95 posts
2/17/2007 10:44 am

Like this post and recognise tyhe situations, but did you not leave out -
"the guy you might actually like"

Just to recognise that the chance might occur.


rm_thefixer74 44M
15 posts
3/31/2007 5:22 pm

what about the one who wakes up before you and cooks you breakfast,gives you oral and tells you to have a good day.

rm_jake06981 60M
2 posts
4/15/2007 5:35 am

All I can say is I think your gorgous and I like the way you think

rm_JuicyJulia2 42F
98 posts
4/27/2007 6:51 am

Thank you! all of you! thanks for your kind words! and keep on getting it on!!!

rm_nrgzrdoc 41M

5/15/2007 7:20 pm

Brilliant Julia ... Thanks for the interesting perspective.

The flip side (as per Danteszippo) - there is definitely the clinger (That was incredible! Don't leave me!), the insatiable (sex til early next week), and tightlipped (both during and after, above and below) ...

rm_bella_ 48F
4030 posts
7/31/2007 11:09 pm

Great post...I have definately had more than a few!

crazygurl2xx 58F

12/13/2007 10:18 am

8. The stud- here is a man who is insatiable. He’s still drunk, you’re still drunk, he’s still horny, you’re still horny. Better call off work that day because this one-night stand may be more like a one-night-morning-and-afternoon stand.

i want one of these!

Troll8765 49M

2/26/2008 1:36 pm

Oh Julia...I sure do miss you...why have you forsaken me...

Become a member to create a blog