Well, here I am again, nearly a month later....  

rm_JohnMacLaine 51M
454 posts
8/15/2006 8:39 pm

Last Read:
8/17/2006 12:53 pm

Well, here I am again, nearly a month later....


Hello my friends, I am back among the living, and once again blogging. I have been going through withdrawls since leaving last month and let me tell you, it is good to be back.

Well a few things have happened since I last spoke to you all...

First, I moved out of the ex's place on Aug 1. I came to the conclusion that I would be better off living in my own place, plus her health is better and she is more able to take care of the kids than when I moved in. I felt it better for me to move on and save the friendship we built over the last six years and me being there was not the way to do it. We did not have a blow up, nor did her husband and I have words, the separation was a peaceful one for the most part, and we are all still very good friends. It's just that each and every day I was there, I remembered the reasons why I divorced her in the first place 11 years ago. Jen has always been a drama queen, and she has not changed in that regard in the 13 years I have known her. She takes every little issue that comes up and that is not perfect in her world and blows it up 10 fold. As I have stated several times here on my blog, I abhore drama, and I will do whatever I can to make sure I avoid it and keep it out of my life at all costs. I got tired of all of the drama, and it was stressing me out. Plus, the full time father role is not one that I was fulfilling. I made some mistakes while I was there, most of which I take full responsibility for, and yet I feel a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders at the same time. I am glad to be out on my own again, where all I have to worry about is my bills and my cat.

The new place is only 3 miles from work, and about the same to her place, so I can see my son at a moments notice, and not have to worry abou a 20 mile drive through traffic. I can be there in 10 minutes, and I dont have to deal with hardly any traffic at all. The new place has a washer/dryer, dishwasher, and microwave. It is bigger than the old place in Tampa, and it is in a better neighborhood. The complex is gated, has a pool, hot tub, and a fitness center, just what my growing belly needs....lol.

As for the full time father thing, well, I found out that being on my own for the last 11 years has spoiled me in what I want to do in my life. I found myself not enjoying being a full time dad, simply because I was horrible at it. I was hurting my son more by being there than when I was seeing him once a week, and that was unacceptable to me, and to the ex. Funny as it may seem, I am more able to bond with my son seeing him once or twice a week than I can being there full time. I work too much, I am tired when I come home from work, and the last thing I want to do is be "dad". I know it sounds horrible, and I know it sounds like I do not love my son, but that is the furthest thing from the truth. I learned a lot about myself in the three months I was there, The fact that I am better off living alone for now, I learned I am a better part time dad than I am a full time dad, and I also learned that she is a better parent than I can ever be. For that I am eternally greatful, but that is the life she chose for herself, and the single life is the one I chose for me. I admire her for what she has done with Alex, and I respect her for her sacrifices that she has made over the years for the benefit of her children. That will never change.

I have to now partake on a journey of self-discovery. Find out what I will do with the rest of my life to make an impact. I want to move forward with my life, want to succeed in my work, succeed in being the best dad I can be, and put money away for the future. My journey begins now. I have everything I need, roof, car, cable, food, all the comforts of home and the basic necessities, now I can focus on me, and making my life better. Will I succeed?...I dont know, but I am going to give it my best....

In the meantime, I have met someone. She is beautiful, she is intelligent, and she is sexy. She lives local, and she works a lot, just like me. Our schedules conflict and it is hard for us to have a face to face meeting, but we are trying to make it work out for us. There is a bit of a complication, which I will not mention nor go into great detail, but hopeufully that will work itself out as well. I want it to move a little further than it has so far, but for now I am being patient, and so is she. I am not one that moves very quickly, dont jump into something with both feet, would rather take my time and see what develops. Will keep you somewhat posted as best as I can. I am not one to kiss and tell, so what I share may be limited. Just know that she makes me smile, she makes me laugh, and is my main focus right now...

Well that is the latest update on what is going on in my life. I hope you all are doing well, and are enjoying life to the fullest. until next time...

Scott


"I can retain neither respect or affection for a government which has been moving from wrong to wrong in order to defend its own immorality" Mahatma Ghandi


heavensent11236 53F

8/16/2006 2:02 am

Scott;

VERY glad to see you back!!! Congratulations on the new apartment.
As for staying friends with the ex, thats admirable, too many divorces end in the exes becoming bitter enemies which doesn't help when there are children involved.
As for being a better part-time dad I understand that as well. You have no idea how hard it was when I moved here to leave my kids back in NY even though for all intents and purposes they are all grown. The youngest did move down here for awhile and it appears that she wants to move down again but after everything that happened when she was here, meaning police, missing school, etc. etc. I have to be realistic and know that this is not the best place for her. Unlike her father, who doesn't work, I don't have that luxury, and with the hours I work I can't keep an eye on her like he can.
Something not many people know, one of my other children is multiply handicapped, and even though chronologically she may be 20, mentally she isn't. I looked into programs here for her, because I wanted her here with me, but Florida does not seem to have programs that are as good as the NY ones. So, I had to be realistic and put my feelings aside and ask myself what was better for her. Some people probably don't agree, but I'm doing what I think is best for her, I don't want her to regress because they don't have adequate programming here for her.
As for your new lady friend, again congratulations I sincerely hope the best for you on that one. Keep us posted on how that goes


softnlush 54F

8/16/2006 5:37 am

Welcome back Scott

~~~snl~~~


justreal4real 60F

8/17/2006 12:09 pm

Welcome back. It was nice to get reacquainted with you in chat last night.
It looks like you are making a lot of positive moves in your life. Just wanted to say I admire anyone who faces their personal truths, and admits to those things many would hide from others to stay popular with the 'cool kids'. I think it is the stuff I don't like for others to know about me that I need to work on most - otherwise why would I want to hide them? Good luck on your self-discovery. It seems you have done the hardest part already.


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