I may be crazy, but this actually maes sense to me  

rm_JohnMacLaine 51M
454 posts
4/11/2006 8:12 pm

Last Read:
5/11/2006 8:02 pm

I may be crazy, but this actually maes sense to me

Well a funny thing happened to me today while I was visiting my son and my ex. First of all she is better than I thought, though she would not admit to being any better. She says she is worse than she was on Friday, and if that is the case then I was wrong about how she felt from my conversations with her on the phone.

Now on to the funny thing...

Well, her and I were talking, and we came up with a crazy idea. See, I have been having a bit of trouble with finances lately, and because of it, I maybe losing my internet access sometime this week, but thats another story, anyway, I am having trouble with my finances, and I have been looking for a place to move so that I can be closer to work. She needs help with the kids, the hubby woirks from 9 til 6, and basically they are in need of some serious help. (you know where this is going) I have decided to move in, effective the beginning of May.

Now in order to truly make sense out of this you have to understand the relationship that her and I share. 8 years ago, I would not have given her any credit as a person. There were old wounds still hurting, still affecting my feeings towards her, and I would never even think of sharing the same roof with her. In the last 5 years, she has changed, and by changed I mean for the better. I am a different person too, dont get me wrong, but for the most part, as I have said before, we have become good friends, as close as a man and a woman can get without having a romantic relationship.

We have not ben together for over 10 years, and we would never look or think of each other in that way at any point now or in the future. She is a friend, she is a confidant, and she just happens to be the mother of my son. Ours was a marriage based on her being pregnant at 17, not of love, and we both readily admit that to this day. it is not about her, and it is not about me, it is about convenience. I will save some money by living there, and she will get the help she needs with the kids and be able to focus on getting and staying healthy.

What guy would ever in his right mind do something like this? No one I know would, but then again, this situation is different. I have to think of my financial needs, and I have to think what is best for my son. Me being there full time is going to be good for him, he is excited about it, and to be honest, so am I. I figured it out, by moving there I would be saving over $1000 per month in bills, and to me that outweighs any "wierd" feelings that may occur or be present on both sides.

Needless to say, we never got around to getting those pics done today, we had much more to discuss. Feel free to add your comments and I will reply to any questions, as I am sure you all have at least one or two on your minds....LOL

Scott


"I can retain neither respect or affection for a government which has been moving from wrong to wrong in order to defend its own immorality" Mahatma Ghandi


rm_bucfannn 62M/61F
2110 posts
4/11/2006 9:02 pm

Hey, I think it's wonderful that you can do this. Sounds like you have a great relationship with both your ex and her husband. Saving money AND seeing/being with the kids will be GREAT!!!

Congrats!


rm_JohnMacLaine replies on 4/12/2006 6:11 am:
Thanks Bucfann, I am really excited about this and am so looking forward to spending so much time with my son.

zebra_buggy 32F

4/12/2006 5:13 am

Hi, Scott.

In theory it sounds like the perfect arrangement. In reality, however, you definitely need to hammer out the logistics. Is there enough room for everybody? What if you want to bring someone home? Any chance the kids could misconstrue this move to mean something more than what it really does? Have you talked about "Ground Rules?"

It sounds as though you've already made the decision. Just make sure you make a list of all possible realistic situations, which may create potential conflicts, and address them before you make the move. I hope it goes well for you, Scott. Congratulations!

--Jayne


rm_JohnMacLaine replies on 4/12/2006 6:17 am:
Jayne,

I apprecieate your concern. There will be plenty of room for everyone, it is a decent sized house, so we will not be all cramped in. I would not be bringing anyone home, as it would not be something I would want my son to see, I have to be a role model. It is one thing for My Ex and her Hubby to be in the same room, they are married, I do not think it would be appropriate for me, being a single guy, bringing someone home where my 12 year old son is. The boys will not misconstrue the meaning, as we will not give them a reason to misconstrue it, if that makes sense...lol

we layed out allof the ground rules last night (I was there for sdeveral hours) and we will continue to lay them out as we all go along.

I love that you care Jayne, it means a lot..

Scott

aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
4/13/2006 12:24 pm

Are you sure this is healthy, even if we're looking at it from a financial aspect? They have roomate finders online...


rm_JohnMacLaine replies on 4/16/2006 7:09 pm:
I understand your concern Mike, and I thank you for it, but it is going to be healthy, I have my own room, I get to see my son daily, and at the same time save some money. I know they have roomate finders online, but I do not want to move in with a stranger. I am actualy a terrible roomamte, and I would rather be sharing a place with people I know, than with someone I dont.

(unless it was female, then I might consider it...lol)

rm_mm0206 70F
7767 posts
5/7/2006 7:17 pm

I think it is a wondeful idea...
Make it work for you and start building some savings for the day it might not be feasible to be there.
Saving $1k a month is awesome, trying to save even half that would be amazing.
Positive thoughts and good communication is what would hold this plan together.But dont let them take advantage of the situation, you are doing this for yourself as well as theirs and the kids, but it could easily turn into something you hadnt bargained for.
take care...m.


rm_JohnMacLaine replies on 5/11/2006 8:03 pm:
m..

It has been great thus far. We are communicating, getting along fine, and to my amazement I am adjusting to being a full time father rather well. I feel good coming home knowing I will see my son.

Being a dad is great!

Scott

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