April 15  

rm_JohnMacLaine 51M
454 posts
5/15/2006 4:33 am

Last Read:
5/19/2006 1:12 pm

April 15

A lot has been going on in my life lately, yet I am not sure how to put it all down in words. I have never been good at expressing how I am feeling nor have I ever been one to "share" everything about myself with people. I am a very private person for the most part, not wanting to let people in. I have built a lot of walls over the years and it is primarily due to how my father treated me and how I was treated in high school. I was teased, ridiculed, picked on, and was not very popular. This is basically because I was a geek in school, in the truest sense of the word. I dont know why I say this nor do I know where I am going, but I have these thoughts going through my head and I have to share them somehow and deal with them. I have tried over the years to be kind to everyone I meet, I have also tried coming out of my shell, but I eventually just go back to hiding again when I feel I am getting too open, and because of my high school experience I shut everyone out. I even do it at home, staying in my room not going out and socializing with the family. In my 40 years of being on this planet, every time I try to loosen up, every time I try to become social, I get scared, or I just go back into my shell and hide. I find solace in being alone, I find comfort in just being by myself, is that weird? Or are there possibly other issues at work here. I am looking for advice in trying to come out of my shell. How do I get over my shyness, how do I get over my need to hide in my own skin. I dont get it. I have been told that I am a nice guy, (uggggh) I have been told that I have a tendency to put my foot in my mouth and not think before I speak. My relationship with my father was strained because he never showed affection, I have not done that with my son, I hug and kiss him daily and tell him I love him, yet there are times when I do not want to do anything but sit in front of the TV or the playstation and just veg out, shut it down and do noting. I even get to the point of avoiding doing things that need to be done, like housework, paying bills, going to the grocery store, things that are necessary, yet I ignore them and stay in one place. I dot understand why I get like this. Call it lazy, call it irresponsible, call it what you will....

anyone out there know what I can do????


"I can retain neither respect or affection for a government which has been moving from wrong to wrong in order to defend its own immorality" Mahatma Ghandi


AltumHunksUnite 54M

5/15/2006 5:55 am

The more you open up to others, the easier it gets.

Just keep trying. It's not like anyone's gonna shoot you for trying. At least that's how I look at it.

Let me drive. I like the view


rm_JohnMacLaine replies on 5/16/2006 9:19 am:
Cleavis, thanks for the thoughts, I am trying. I nearly came out to the last M&G in Maderia, but the publicness of the venue prevented me from venturing out. I think the true test of how I can overcome this is when I have the cash to actually attend the next M&G at the PP.

rm_bucfannn 62M/61F
2110 posts
5/15/2006 6:22 am

Scott, as you are well aware, I am also VERY shy. Takes me a while to become comfortable. But, I keep trying, and it's getting easier. Plus, the great people we know at TASA have helped a lot. If you ever need to talk, just message me at my A F F mailbox. I will get in contact.

Talking about it helps. And remember, the past is just that. THE PAST. Look forward to tomorrow, 'cause you never know what it may bring...

*hugs*

Cat


rm_JohnMacLaine replies on 5/16/2006 9:24 am:
Cat, thank you so much for your words, they mean so much to me. I do know how shy you are, based on the two times I have met you. The first was at splittsville, I think you and I BOTH were more interested in the basketball than we were about mingling with the group...lol The second was more comfortable fr both of us, I tik because for me, knowing you and a couple of others put me at ease somewhat.

If I need a strong ear, I will get in touch, thank you for that. I always try to keep the past just where it belongs, in the past, and you are correct in saying that the future is not set (tag line from one of my favorite movies) and we don't know what it will bring.

crazygurl2xx 58F

5/15/2006 2:31 pm

my guy is so shy he won't go out to bars even with me...he hates the crowds.
he made himself "get out" more when he signed up here on this site and we met... it was a goal of his to find new friends and relationships and we just happened to meet..
me, hell i never met a stranger it seems like. i have no problem talking to people anywhere i am and i have no problem going out alone and just hanging out with myself. it's the best way to meet people.


rm_JohnMacLaine replies on 5/16/2006 9:25 am:
crazy, thank you for your thoughs and for sharing your own experience as it relates to your guy. I hope he gets better the more he gets out and mingles.

zebra_buggy 32F

5/15/2006 7:53 pm

Scott,

I wish I could give you an answer. I can't. There are, however, those who can. I've started to write this message four times now, and I keep struggling to find the right words. But there aren't any right words. I hope I'm not out of bounds.

--Jayne


rm_JohnMacLaine replies on 5/16/2006 9:29 am:
You aren't out of bounds hun, I always welcome your thoughts. You are well beyond your years in intelligence, and that is admirable. I enjoy reading your blog, and you always manage to put a smile on my face as well as making me think. That is something not many people in this world can do. I know of what you speak, and as it so happens I have help here at home. My ex has a degree in Phsycology an she has helped me through a lot in the last few weeks.

softnlush 54F

5/19/2006 5:01 am

I think everyone gave you excellent words of wisdom and experiences..and I too,sometimes have felt shyness..or the urge to be by myself and just veg and not think about anything (yea right..it is actually then I do my best thinking)...then I go through the bout of profound loneliness and that is when I just say..fuck it..I am not going to allow myself to crawl into that hole again. It takes every single ounce of strength to do it..my next venture..apparantly a co-worker signed me up for an office outing to a baseball game on the 3rd..as she said "you are one of the coolest people here and I want to sit with someone I actually like",so although it will not be a Met game..I am going..and gonna be socializing with many people I have not even met in my office..give me strength goddess,I am gonna need it LOL..are you going to the UFC thang? I may be there,if my crush goes..I will keep ya informed


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