After a long absence, I am posting again....  

rm_JohnMacLaine 51M
454 posts
7/3/2006 10:06 pm

Last Read:
7/11/2006 8:49 am

After a long absence, I am posting again....

Been a long time.

Did not know if I would ever post again. Seems the writers block has stretched over a month and I just could not find the motivation or the energy to post to my blog. Not that any great number of people read what I have to say, but my blog, believe it or not, is important to me. I am sure a lot of people have stopped watching me for the sake of the lack of activity. I dont know what to say other than I write when I have the desire, and tonight, lo and behold, I had that desire. Things have been going well for me professionally. I had a good June at the dealership, and made decent money. I have been accepted by everyone as a member of the team, and seem to get along with everyone too.

As for the personal life, well, I dont know.

Over the last month I have come to the conclusion that although I love being under the same roof as my son, I find myself wanting to be in my own place again, by myself. The ex is better, and is more like her old self again. That, in and of itself, is not always a good thing. I look back 11 years and realize why we divorced. She has mood swings, she creates drama out of everything, and no matter what, she is always right. You cant argue with her, she refuses to admit when she is wrong, and for the most part, unless things are perfect, she is miserable.

I abhor drama, and I have done everything in my power since leaving her to avoid it at all costs. I am a loner, have always been a loner, and for the most part I keep to myself. I dont feel comfortable wearing my emotions on my sleeve and I like to keep my private life, just that, private. Don't get me wrong, I love being here, I just wish sometimes I was alone again, doing my own thing, in my own home, living under my own rules. I like the feeling of answering to no one but myself, I can not understand why I get this way, because I actually do like being around people, but after a long day at work, I want to be able to come home to my cats, sit in front of the TV or the computer, pop open a beer or have a glass of scotch, Crown, or whatever, and just do nothing. I am a very private person, and I do not bring a lot of people into my life, either because I am content with how it is, or I am afraid of being hurt, I dont know which one it is.

I have been lurking here the last month, not posting, just reading the blogs on my list, only answering one or two posts. I missed a M&G in June due to allowing the ex and her hubby a night out. There is another M&G this weekend with my TASA friends and I fully intend to show up to this one, come hell or high water. I need to start going out again, just to maintain some sense of freedom, and so that I do not remain cooped up in the house for days at a time going through the same routine. It is nice to be so close to work, but I need to do more than just stay home and go to work. I did go and see a couple of movies in the last two weeks, but for some reason, going to the movies by myself just isn't enough (there's an oxymoron for you. I like being by myself, but hate going to movies alone...go figure). I hate when I get like this because I begin to feel there is something wrong with me when I know really there isn't, or at least I believe that there is nothing wrong. I am comfortable being by myself, with an occasional jaunt out in the world to mingle and have a good time. I live a simple life, am not caught up in material things, and I can have just as good a time and be content with staying home doing nothing, as well as going out to shoot some pool, have a few drinks, and be among friends.

So tell me people of blogville, what is it you see in me? Am I crazy? Am I a hermit? Am I depressed, or am I just out of my element in my current situation???

feels good to post again...

Scott



"I can retain neither respect or affection for a government which has been moving from wrong to wrong in order to defend its own immorality" Mahatma Ghandi


catkit13 67F

7/3/2006 10:29 pm

hi, there - this is my first visit to your blog, and i don't know the history, but thought i'd say hi anyway . . . you sound like a normal man who is torn between wanting your own space and time (very natural) and your desire to be there for your son at all times. i'm sure you'll sort it out, and find the happy medium for yourself!
what movie did you see? was it any good?


rm_JohnMacLaine replies on 7/3/2006 10:52 pm:
Saw three of em actually...

DaVinci code - didnt care for the fact they strayed too far from the book.

Mission Impossible III - Eh, it was ok, not as good as the first...

Superman Returns - As a fan of the original movies (I & II only) I liked how they stayed true to them, the story was a little weak, but the movie overall was great!!

Thanks for visiting

heavensent11236 53F

7/9/2006 5:44 am

Are you absolutely positive we aren't twins? I know EXACTLY how you feel. When I first moved to Florida I didn't know anybody and I lived by myself, first time in my entire life btw. After a month or so I actually started to really like living by myself, come and go as you please, don't have to answer to anyone but yourself, if you wanna cook you can, if not oh well there's always take-out. The apartment is EXACTLY the way you left it earlier before you went to work.
Then (play theme song to JAWS), the youngest daughter moved here, talk about DRAMA. Police, school, apartments a mess, 8 hour visits to the ER, have to cook like it or not, phone ringing off the hook. Lets just say I was NOT happy. Longest 6 months I can remember, have to admit was glad when she decided she missed her friends too much and decided to move back to NY. Doesn't mean I don't love her but found out I really do like the uncomplicated aspect of having no children living with me.


rm_JohnMacLaine replies on 7/11/2006 8:49 am:
I dont know about being twins, but we do seem to have a lot in common...lol.

I enjoy all that you have mentioned, but add to that, not having to worry about the "other" people in the house, apartment, etc. You can do what you want, whether it be sleeping at ay time of the day and not worry about being disturbed, to walking around and lounging in no clothes. I like that feeling of freedom.

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