Is He real..  

rm_JadeDawson 43F
8 posts
3/29/2005 8:30 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Is He real..

I dunno even where to start on the subject of him.... We have been online friends for 8 months and Days I feel he is there just beneath the surface..too close to touch.. while other days the 6000 miles that seperate us is the harsh reality that our friendship is merely a window of words..

There is an emotional attachment to him one I know shouldn't be there he is like the drug I am the junkie just praying for my daily fix .. He has been a source of comfort and can bring about fits of laughter and tears of
sadness.. leaving me empty as he leaves when our chat sessions end..I THINK I FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM ALSO .. it occurred to me when the Tsunami hit back in December ..I worried he would be there on holiday....and that thought terrified me the thought of me never seeing his offlines or hearing his voice anymore

The worst of it all ...I am married to a wonderful man who gives me everything with the exception of what it is I desire emotionally ..

Which brings me back to him.. he fulfills the need I have to feel special. I think tonight he forfieted his role and moved on.. without saying goodbye..maybe he can't or maybe he knows I would fight to have him stay so I can continue into this viscious circle.. maybe he just wants to set me free knowing it would be better for us both..

Maybe he's right.. maybe I should let him go.. and just be happy he was here for a moment in my life..but I can't say it won't hurt

We'll see what happens.......

"......I won't fall apart..I won't lie in pieces on the ground I won't fall apart if we say it all without a sound..."

(Shedaisy's Without A Sound")


3/29/2005 11:12 pm

I can sympathize with you ,I got to spent time online , on phone and and after months ,5 days in person with a very special man. Mile only 500, keep us apart, he says he misses me and wants to come back for another visit , but I truly don`t think thats going to happen, So i know just how much your hurting

Keep blogging,, it helps sometimes.

rm_JadeDawson 43F
2 posts
3/30/2005 7:27 am


Become a member to create a blog