Can a leopard change it's spots?  

rm_JRFun88 52M
27 posts
2/17/2006 8:00 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Can a leopard change it's spots?

As runner_1789 so insightfully commented, Is it possible to open up your spouse if he/she is overly conservative or not interested in the same sexual activities as yourself?

For example, my wife feels that recieving oral sex is disgusting because she feels that the human tongue is a unappealling part of the body. How can you open up this woman to relax and enjoy oral sex and foreplay that involves the use of a tongue?

I have worked on this for years... I have gotten my wife to tell me that she enjoys oral sex on a rare occasion or two.. however it requires tremendous work to get her in the mood and relaxed enough. However, in many cases she only tolerates it and pushes for sex quickly. In addition, once I have gone down on her she will not kiss me. She has shown very little interest in foreplay.

Is it possible to work on opening up a woman like this to relax, enjoy and participate in foreplay when it seems to be based upon a built in aversion?

Anyone have any experience to answer these questions?

rm_1SweetBitch 56F
8575 posts
2/17/2006 8:52 am

Anything is possible but, I don't think you are going to get your wife to change. Many women do not like oral, they will do it to please a man...but they get no pleasure out of the act.

No Day Is So Bad It Can't Be Fixed With Great Sex!

1 SweetBitch

crazygurl2xx 58F

2/17/2006 9:08 am

Is it really that important? Can you change someone else? If it was anything but sex, should you try to change someone else? Why would you marry someone so incompatible? (not ragging, curious and don't even really expect and answer...i know how complicated that can be)

sorry to hear all that in any event.

rm_PurryKitty2 49M/51F
9753 posts
2/17/2006 9:11 am

Have you told her that it really turns you on? You may just have to respect the fact that she doesn't like it. I guess look at this way. If you didnt like anal sex (just an example) and your wife wanted you to so bad but it made you sick, would you be irritated she kept asking you or would you want her to respect your wishes.

Purry {=}


rm_JRFun88 52M

2/17/2006 10:33 am

I have discussed with my desires with my wife, and she has obliged. I have learned enough about her that it is never irritating and when she is relaxed she enjoys it.

Most of our prolems related to sex in general have built over time. Our discussions do little to change the condition of prioritizing a small portion of our time to make sex the best it can be.

runner_1789 63M

2/17/2006 11:09 am

Well, thank for the compliment, i try to be insightful, but i certainly don't have any answers to your current example question or the question in general of getting a spouse to open up.
My wife has a similar, but less severe aversion to oral sex, specifically she doesn't want to give blowjobs. I have kinda accepted this one since pushing for it doesn't help. She either gets pissed from the "pestering" or if she does for some reason, maybe feeling guilty, she isn't ever really going to be enthusiastic. She isn't much of an actor so the reluctant blowjob ends up being mechanical, and don't tell her, lol, a bad blowjob.
Just getting over it doesn't really fix the problem though, i just end up looking for other things to take the sexual energy out on. Here's where i screwed up though, spent months trying to get her to fantasize about being with another woman, or a 3some and then she got really angry and retreated into being more conservative asking why i wanted weird things, why wasn't i happy with the sex we did have.
Anyways, no luck here on persuading the spouse to open up.

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