rm_Greyeyesky 42M
116 posts
2/27/2006 11:46 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm


Warning: I am going to bitch a lot in this post. Right now I have a lot I need to get off my chest and there is no one I can share it with at the moment. For some odd reason I can dump this shit on the internet and even though the people I need to say this to aren't here and aren't going to read it, I still feel some small measure better.
Here goes.

I'm sick of friends that are absent more often than not.
I'm tired of working my body to death because I've never had an opportunity to use my talents to make a living.
I'm sick of hearing people tell me that things will get better if only I would try harder. Fuck you! You really think I'm not trying?
I'm tired of living in a body that rarely works right. I have diabetes, neurological damage, bi-polar disorder, vision problems, stomach ulcers, esophagus ulcers, cronic sinus problems, and cronic pain related to a number of the above problems. You know what? It sucks, you don't understand and it's not going to get any better.
I'm sick of meeting women who tell me I'm the greatest man on earth and they can't live without me and I'm so great in bed and how did they ever get along without me, and then they go and cheat on me... even in polyamorous relationships I've had where the woman made the rules... they go out and repeatedly break their own rules... like my feelings mean shit to them.
I'm tired of having to adjust who I am in order to make conversation with people who oterwise wouldn't give me an ounce of respect because they can't comprehend my opinions or insights.
I'm sick of being told that my feelings are generalizations, and all generalizations are false. So here is a "generalization" for you: Anyone who doubts the veracity of an emotion can fuck off.
I'm tired of sending half of my paycheck to an exwife who was never there for me so she can buy macaroni and cheese for children I can never be there for.
I'm sick of being misunderstood by freinds and family who have never taken the time to know what makes me tick.
I'm tired of going to bed alone and waking up to an empty house, feeling that emptiness seep into my soul and suck out anything that gives me hapiness.
I'm sick of saying "I need companionship and intimacy" and it being mistaken as "I am codependant." Is it so much to want to share my life with someone who wants to share there's with me? I find joy in interaction and anything that is good alone is great with a soul-mate.

So there you have it... I could go on, but that's enough for now. To anyone who may have actually read all that, thank you.

rm_FreeLove999 48F
16127 posts
2/28/2006 11:56 am

i read it all. you are obviously going through quite a difficult time -- both in terms of feeling lonely&isolated and in terms of your health. i definitely don't think your feelings should be discredited.

it is totally untrue to say that hard work alone will get you where you want to go -- i know people who have worked hard all their lives living in shacks made of scrap metal.

it seems you are surrounded by people who like applying labels to things in order to silence things that you are saying that are probably making them uncomfortable.

to some extent you are going to have to stop focussing on the negative things people say about your attitude and focus on what you think is positive in your attitude. at the moment that seems to be that you are forthright, direct and honest in expressing yourself.

those are good qualities.

platitudes are clearly going to be a problem for you right now, so i am going to avoid them. however, things are not always the same -- there are cycles, and just as you are down now, up times will come again!

[blog freelove999]

rm_art_persists 53M
1789 posts
2/28/2006 11:10 pm

Grey: I think your blog is great hence I put it on my watched list. Gotta say, I'm here for the philosophical side. Keep writing and just let it all flow.

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