Review: Finding God Through Sex  

rm_FreddyNG69 60M
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5/23/2006 8:30 am
Review: Finding God Through Sex

If you are unfamiliar with the work of internationally renowned teacher and spiritual practitioner, David Deida, let me give you a brief overview. He has raised eyebrows in the past 10 years and has been both hailed as a visionary/guru and been accused of (at the very least) being politically incorrect and (at the worst) a misogynist who wants to push women back to the stone age. Who is this man and what is his message? Is he a rebel, a guru, a god, a fraud? Never heard of him? I can tell you one thing: he is worth checking out.

"We are all one, say the gurus. Aye, I might agree--but one what?" remarks Edward Abbey. David Deida insists: we are love. He is not the first to make this assertion, but Deida's speciality lies in the realm of relationship and sexuality, which he feels is a place where people's energy often gets stuck, and therefore creates a soil rich for spiritual practice, progress and growth. He has written books and essays, and has lectured and done workshops worldwide. He blends Eastern spirituality and philosophy with Western ideas and practice, with the goal of moving people toward transformation, wholeness, and self-realization. And just for the record, Deida is a highly educated individual who has completed advance graduate work in theoretical neuroscience, psychobiology and sexual evolution, and he also has had twenty years of training in tai chi, hatha yoga, meditation and tantra.

If you like this review, I have done one for of all nine of his books as well as his video. I also highly recommend all of his audio work, and seeing Deida live at a workshop or lecture is an experience in and of itself.

Finding God Through Sex: Awakening The One Of Spirit Through The Two Of Flesh, republished by Sounds True Publishing in May of 2005, is a useful, penetrating, and thorough work deeply connecting sexuality and spirituality, and Deida brilliantly organizes it to appeal to both the masculine and the feminine. Each chapter begins with a delicious, rousing vignette of a spiritually sexy union, and that is followed by a discussion of the chapter topic, and then finishes with practices "for him" and "for her." This format continues through most of the book, which makes it easily digestible, applicable, and gives both the masculine and feminine good accessibility!

Deida identifies sex as "the perfect starting point for genuine spiritual growth." This isn't just a book of tantra techniques, although Deida draws on tantric practices, among others. This book is truly a guide book to teach people how they can open themselves to the divine during sex because sex is an easy access point, and the practices he presents are valuable, worthwhile, and rewarding whether you are in a relationship or not. Deida urges us to take this wide open loving out of the bedroom, "offering the deepest gift of your heart spontaneously and without hesitation, in every moment, at work, with your family and friends, as well as in bed with your lover." This is one of Deida's more practical works, and couples or singles would greatly benefit from applying these practices in their relationships, whatever those might be, and letting them seep into the rest of their lives.

The familiar Deida teachings are at the base of this work, of course, and it rests on those pillars. Deida contends that most of us have a core sexual essence (either masculine or feminine, although a small portion of the population is "neutral") and that sexual polarity is created between those two opposite poles. He also talks about the movement through the three stages of sexual growth, stage one being what he calls dependence relationships, which involve partners who depend on each other for financial or emotional support, parenting, or sex, where partners may end up feeling limited by gender roles. Then there is the second stage relationship, the 50/50, which is our modern style relationship based on two independent people partnering together in equality, each taking half of the responsibilities. Then finally, there is intimate communion, or what Deida calls the third stage, where "the feel of everything–the nature of everything, the essential light of all existence–is love, who you are." In this stage, partners learn that love is not something to fall in and out of, but rather something you do, something you practice, like playing the piano. This is the essence of Deida's message, and he masterfully makes use of sex and relationship as a doorway to give people the key to experience divine bliss.

So is the holy grail possible? Can we find God through sex? Deida says that God is love, and love is all around us in every moment, if we are willing to simply open to it and keep practicing that opening. "Every moment can be a lesson of love, an opportunity to learn how to open without bounds and give your deepest gifts. With practice, you can learn to open and commune with your lover in deep love, whether pleasure is undulating your spine or sorrow is ripping your heart." Love is always there, and we can connect to that source through our partner no matter what we are feeling in the moment. This is the ultimate lesson in communication, and Deida teaches ts masterfully. He encourages not waiting for the perfect person or situation before we are willing to open. We are either doing love, or we are doing fear. If we are experiencing pain or fear (and how many of us aren't?) these issues are always connected in some way to our relationships, and so our partnerships provide us with the perfect laboratory to practice opening, leading to healing, transformation, and growth.

I would highly recommend this book if you are in a relationship and are finding it challenging to keep the passion alive, and you are looking for ways to create and sustain intimacy. Deida offers a strong foundation of practices and skills for you to integrate that may transform your partnership. Whatever barriers and blocks you have individually or as a couple can be healed through the simple (I said simple, not easy!) practices he suggests. If you are single and looking, this book can lay a strong foundation for understanding the ways of relationship, and for helping you avoid the pitfalls of your last.

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