not good at sharing........  

rm_Extrmplesur 59M
4 posts
2/2/2006 8:54 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

not good at sharing........

I don't normally expose my innermost feelings to my most trusted friends, much less the world, but venting is supposedly good medicine for the mind, so what the hell, I'll give it a shot. I am currently in this "funk", I have the feeling of being in a room, a prison so to speak. The walls are being built higher and higher, gradually, stone by stone, block by block, they reach upward, totally unscalable, as far as the eye can see. There is a door leading out of this room, but it is locked, seemingly unbreakable.
In my mind, I know I have the means to escape this prison which I have , by my own hand, cast myself in to. I only have to muster the courage to set forth a chain of events, that will lead to my freedom, and hopefully, my happiness. One act, one major decision, and the door will swing open , the walls will come tumbling down, and I will walk in to my future. But do I dare to go beyond the point of no return, I 've done such a lovely fucking job of managing my personal life so far, do I dare trust my own judgement??? Or do I leave my future in the hands of fate? For the biggest part of my life, my goals, and desires rarely come to fruition in the manner which I predict. I've had a good life, and consider myself lucky for what I have, and have acheived, but the majority of it has not happened the way I had planned, yet the end result was still favorable. So now, do I take the iniative, or just set back, and let the hand that fate has dealt me show itself??? The easiest, safest thing to do, is to let the status quo continue, but can my soul survive , till happiness comes my way, if EVER?
Therein lies my dilema, which prompts me to take the time to write this. Time well spent???, guess we'll see.
Patiently waiting for the load to be lifted.

saddletrampsk 55F

2/2/2006 9:32 am

Hope you able to break free from your "prison"

Welcome to blogland..

Tarheelnative2 65F

2/5/2006 8:16 am

Unlike you, I am not yet willing to expose my innermost feelings to the world via blog, or any other means. One thing I have learned, however, is that if one waits to let fate drive the future, one loses the ability to choose and direct that future. It was difficult to reach out after my marriage ended, but I have learned to reach out, even if that results in rejection, because to not means that I will sure be alone forever. Work is not enough; and though I love my family, they are not enough either; I crave intimacy, in all its meaning. That does not appear out of nowhere, it has to be desired, sought out and nurtured when found. Sorry to appear to ramble on; I suppose blog responses do that to me.

rm_Extrmplesur 59M

2/5/2006 1:50 pm

I guess the question is, am I ready to end my marriage????, is it the right thing to do??? I have no fear of rejection, only the fear of the pain and suffering that decision will cause on my spouse, so it is not taken lightly, I suppose Im just looking for a sign, or something to tilt the scales.

cautiousnc 56F

2/19/2006 8:24 pm

Just a personal opinion (but aren't they all) Some decisions (most) should be made without the influence of this site. Tarheelnative, I can relate to what you said ... I ended up here after a marriage gone sour, just looking for some intimacy that wasn't going to cost me anything, ya know?

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