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Too Many Hands
 
Random thoughts and experiences related to my being on A F F... but don't expect stories of my "conquests" unless and until I get their permission. It's all about respect; can't expect to get it unless I give it!
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Frustration
Posted:Aug 6, 2006 12:28 am
Last Updated:Dec 24, 2006 9:19 am
5504 Views

So I'm here in Colorado, and not really in a position to play, or look for anyone to play with. I'm one of four adults in the household (all of whom are relatives) and then there's my to consider... harder now to get away than it was back in the Lone Star State... but tonight was a rare opportunity, a night when I was the only adult at home and the were fast asleep.

So naturally...

I couldn't find anyone to fuck. Dammit. And since all my toys are in storage, I couldn't even get off properly in the tub (though I gave it my damndest).

*sigh* What's a horny gal to do?!?!?
0 Comments
Moving On
Posted:Jun 15, 2006 5:15 pm
Last Updated:Aug 6, 2006 12:24 am
5486 Views

Just an FYI, for anyone who might be keeping track anymore... This coming Monday, I'll be loading up my worldly possessions (and my out-of-this-worldly possessions, the ) and moving to Colorado. I've had a wonderful time here, with some wonderful people, experienced new things and changed in a lot of ways, mostly for the better, I hope. I thank all who have been a part of it.

I don't know how much time, if any, I will have for playing once I get there. It's a complicated situation, to be sure. But if I get the chance, I will check in with people here and if the timing is right, I may play again... meanwhile, best of luck to you all, and I hope you find what you're looking for...
0 Comments
Mmm, That Smell
Posted:Feb 7, 2006 9:33 pm
Last Updated:Jun 15, 2006 5:13 pm
6285 Views

Scroll back a post or two, and you'll find my comments about the leather corset. Not mine - yet! - but I will have one some day.

I love leather.

When I was a , every time I went to the mall, I went into Wilson's Suede and Leather, just to breathe in the scent. My senior prom "dress" was a black leather-and-lace tiered skirt, with a tank top that was black leather on the front half, and sheer unlined black lace on the back. My mother had given it to me for my 17th birthday, specifically to be my prom outfit.

My freshman year in college, I saw a $400 suede-and-leather bustier dress. When I called my mom, breathless with excitement over how gorgeous it was, she told me that she had planned to send me money for a steroe; would I rather have it for the dress instead?

This Christmas, I made a leather flog for Sir. My friend-not-Friend (let's just call her Belle, for convenience's sake) taught me how, the same friend from whom I will someday inherit the corset.

I love the smell of leather.

You know. Just FYI.
0 Comments
Marks
Posted:Feb 1, 2006 11:52 pm
Last Updated:Jun 15, 2006 5:15 pm
6237 Views

So I've been learning a little more about the whole SM thing, and while I doubt I will ever find myself fully immersed in the lifestyle, I will certainly never be quite the same. I'm learning things about myself, both on a mental/emotional and a physical level. It's exciting for me to realize things that I didn't know - that my maladaptive tendency out of the bedroom to submit to the will of others, is quite a useful and pleasurable skill in the bedroom; that certain experiences that might be a little frightening with some people, can be quite liberating with someone I trust and care for. That pain can be pleasure.

I have a bruise on my chest, yellowing now. It's been about a week, maybe, since I got it, a peripheral result of another act. I suppose, for safety's sake, I won't go into a whole lot of detail here - it seems that when I mention acts that aren't exactly vanilla in nature, I suddenly get men with whom I've never spoken before, coming out of the woodwork and assuming that I will share that act with them. And this is definitely not something I would do with just anyone, not even something I would do with the majority of the men with whom I've been involved in my time here. Still. I engaged in an act, a rather alternative one, that I've found I really and truly enjoy - with the right person. There's an odd side effect though. Every time I look in the mirror, as I'm dressing or undressing, I see that bruise. And it makes me smile. Every time I close the car door and my seatbelt moves automatically against my chest, I wince a little... and then smile. This weekend, as my youngest repeatedly leaned a sleepy or grumpy head against my chest, I felt pain... followed by the delicious knowledge of a special secret feeling.

He told me when we first started, that things like this would happen, that I would find pleasure and comfort in reminders of his dominance over me, and a wistful sadness in the everyday moments when I am not under his control. But now I understand it much more clearly. And I treasure my marks.
0 Comments
I'm Here.... No, Really I Am!
Posted:Jan 18, 2006 10:24 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
6302 Views

I swear I've been checking in, a little here and there... Not much, but a little... Anywho...

Spending the night at a friend-not-Friend's place, and she asks, out of the blue, "Have I showed you the leather corset yet?"

Perhaps I ought to explain. We're friends through a charitable venture with which we are both obses...er.. involved. But somewhere along the line, we realized that I am on here, and she is on Alt. At that point, there ceased to be a whole lot of secrets between us. She knows about my Sir, and about what he's teaching me. And she knows a lot about that kind of thing too. Enough that she has a leather corest anyway, which I not only got to see tonight, but to try on. (Get your mind out of the gutter, I said she's NOT a Friend!) Among other things, she and I are of a similar size. Different height... different weight distribution... DEFINITELY different muscle tone - as in, she actually HAS some... but similar size. And therefore, it went from, "Here, try this on and see how you look in it" to "hold on just a sec, let me mark that where it needs to be altered." See, she sure can't alter it when she's wearing it. And if she looks even half as hot (twice is probably more like it) in the thing as I do, then there's no way that any man who would be in her presence while she's wearing it, could compose himself enough to mark it with the little white fabric pencil.

By the way... when she breaks down and buys a new one for herself, I inherit this one. Just what I've always needed... a black leather corset!
0 Comments
Although It's Been Said Many Times, Many Ways
Posted:Dec 23, 2005 9:32 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
6470 Views

Merry Christmas to you, all my fellow bloggers and fellow A F Fers... or Happy Hanukkah, or Happy Kwaanza, or Feliz Navidad, or Buon Natale, or Joyeux Noel, or Happy Winter Solstice, or Happy Saturnalia, or Frohe Weihnachten, or however you say, whatever you are celebrating at this time of year. My wish is simple - that this holiday season, amid the hustle and bustle and stress and strain, you take a moment to look around and realize what it's all about, whatever that might mean to you. To me, it's the chance to look at my lovely Little Women and see how they have grown over the year. To watch my oldest as she walks the line between little girl and young lady, and to delight in the times she steps to one side of the line or the other. To watch my middle one, usually a ball of pure energy, occasionally stop for a second and be still and contemplative. To see the kind of my youngest is turning into, now that she is old enough that her own uniqueness is starting to shine through.

May your days be merry and bright. For those of you (those of usI should say) for whom the holidays can sometimes be difficult, sad, lonely, may you find the moments that shine for you and use them to carry you through the harder ones. For those of you stressing because you can't afford to make the holidays what you want them to be - believe me, the people you love understand that, and they love you just the same. For those who would rather not think about the holidays and wish the world would just go back to normal and the carols would stop for crying out loud - it's almost over; why don't you load up with snacks, a few good books or movies, run a nice hot bath, and close your door to the world for a couple of days. Heck, we all need a vacation anyway!

My love to you and yours, this season and always,
Elysia
0 Comments
Choosy readers choose mygmyg...
Posted:Dec 23, 2005 9:21 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
6565 Views

Read a post I really liked this morning (I don't get on here near as much as I used to!) and replied to it. I'm not sure my reply "took," so here is the post itself, and the meat of my reply as well. It's an issue that comes up here fairly often, and one that bears looking at again. And if you don't already have him on your "watched blogs" list, you really should add him. Great writer, great guy.

[post 179521]

*giggles* As for me, I know it's a "find a F*&$ tonight" place... my issue with cock shots is towfold. One, it always takes a woman a little by surprise to just have one shoved in her face, literally or figuratively... many of us prefer to see that AFTER we know a little something about the guy, even when it's just a one-time thing. Second, there's just no nice way to say this: some cock shots are just really bad. REALLY bad. The guy is embarrassingly small, or limp, or you can barely see the tip of a stubby cock protruding from under a pasty pot belly. Gentlemen (and horndogs), PLEASE keep in mind that whatever picture you use, cock shot or otherwise, should show you to your best advantage. If your eyes, your chest, your calves for crying out loud, are sexier than your cock - acknowledge it and go with it.
0 Comments
Ray Charles saw it coming...
Posted:Dec 22, 2005 9:19 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
6428 Views

"... and he's blind AND dead!" One of my favorite phrases to describe something that should have been obvious/predicted. I'm not sure if my new profile has kicked in yet, but basically, I am semi-taking myself off the market. Not looking for any new friends. As much as I've loved meeting new people and having new adventures, the fact is, I'm having way too much fun with Sir, and really enjoying the time spent with him. And, okay, I'd rather spend time with someone I know I'll enjoy, than take a chance of wasting a night with someone who just can't quite push my buttons the way he does. It's not a "relationship" per se, but it's not NOT a relationship either, really... *sigh* Hard to explain, WAY too easy to feel...

At this point, I haven't sworn off other guys completely, though I haven't really spent time with any lately, certainly not any new. But I can see it coming, and not far off, if he just says the word. I do what my Sir says, and I like it. Love it, actually. Feels like home.

Brother Ray is rarely wrong.
0 Comments
What Will They Say, Monday at School?
Posted:Dec 9, 2005 3:45 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
6786 Views

I'm a bad, bad girl, and I'm VERY glad that I won't see any of my classmates for a month...

Last night we had a fundraiser for the school, a night of music at a very tiny wine-and-beer bar that has a fabulous atmosphere. I went there with Ben. About an hour after we got there, Sir walked in the door. Keep in mind, this was actually planned. Or at least, Ben knew I had invited Sir (even lent me his cell phone to give last-minute directions on how to find the hole-in-the-wall place), and Sir knew that I was going there with Ben.

Well, Ben kept the PDAs to a minimum for most of the night, though we were awfully close. Due to the packed nature of the place, the fact that Ben was sitting on a barstool and I was standing between his legs, wasn't necessarily eyebrow-raising. A few of his little kisses were still not TOO untoward, though I'm sure the classmates scattered around the room, could tell that perhaps we are more than friends.

Then Sir came in. He stood to the other side of me, and also kissed me warmly in greeting... and we were also affectionate in general, soft touches on arms and hands, lingering looks and sly smiles... and anyone watching us could probably tell that perhaps we are more than friends. But you see, I was still standing between Ben's legs. And Ben was still being just as affectionate as he had been before Sir got there. So basically, I'm positioned between two handsome men, both of whom are quite affectionate and charming. Both of whom also kinda "worked the room" in that they were friendly to the people around us, had brief conversations with them and such. They were also quite comfortable with each other, and I know that each of them knows about my (here comes that word again) relationship with the other. It was odd, just how comfortable it all was.

Still, I keep seeing it how others must have seen it, and I imagine there are people now who will be looking at me in a WHOLE NEW LIGHT when next semester starts up!
0 Comments
A Good Day
Posted:Dec 5, 2005 4:44 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
6805 Views

I proposed today. Twice. To the same man. Mind you, I think I was joking. After all, I am still legally married, and am so not in a position to even think that. I'm not even sure what it was that made me propose the first time; I know the second time it was because of his statement regarding dark chocolate - something along the lines of it being the only real chocolate there is. How could I not want to marry this man? LOL

Seriously, though. I'm having a lot of fun here, maybe too much for my own good. The great thing is, he and I are really good at having interesting and meaningful conversations, too, so he knows from whence I come on my commitment issues. But I'm growing increasingly comfortable here. Last night I spent the night here and worked on my last paper of the semester. This morning I finished it and turned it in, invaded his heavenly deep bathtub, and then snuggled up with him for an afternoon nap. (What a coincidence that I had taken a day off work to finish my paper, and he was feeling a little under the weather and took the day off sick!) Now I'm cooking dinner - if the way to a man's heart is indeed through his stomach, maybe he will be the one proposing to me next.

Okay, I know I go on and on about him lately, but I can't help it. For one thing, I've spent the better part of the week with him. Who else am I going to gush about, when I'm not spending time with anyone else? And yeah, for another thing, I really do like him. Long-term, it's as doomed as any other relationship I could possibly get into while I'm still "broken" the way I am. But damn, I'm having a good time while it lasts, and I'm pretty sure I have a friend for life. Who doesn't need more of those?
0 Comments
Hooked On a Feeling
Posted:Dec 2, 2005 4:24 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
6840 Views

I'm in love. No, not with a person, and I wouldn't admit it to anyone (not even myself) if I was! So there! LOL But I have fallen rather in love with different feelings, sensations, and occurrences lately.

The way I felt, physically and mentally, when Hottie was flirting with me, when he was running a finger lightly over my arm as we waited for Little Bit to fall asleep, when he was kissing me, and finally when we got back to his place. Every sensation as his tongue, lips and fingers prepared me, for the delicious feeling as he sllid into me.

The way Pedro looked when I was looking into his eyes as we finally made good on months of lusting after one another, the way he smiled and blushed, and the way he brushed the hair back from my eyes and tucked me in for a nap afterward.

That first kiss from my Master, before I even knew he would become my master, as he greeted me at the door. And of course, the feeling of all the exciting things I've experienced with him so far, the smell of the leather, the metallic clank of the cuffs, the taste of myself on him as I clean him off. The sound of the music in the background, the sound of him puttering around his place, of him singing along to the music, while I soaked in his wonderful bathtub. The knowledge that some day in the near future, I'll even feel comfortable singing around him - with his permission, of course.

No. I'm not in love with a person. I'm just in love with the feeling of being happy, of being desired - of me, somehow, being enough to please someone, even if only for a while.
1 comment
Danger, Will Robinson
Posted:Dec 1, 2005 5:24 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
6609 Views

Well it's been months ago that I started falling pretty hard for one Friend, and I still adore him, though there's way too much standing in our way. And I'm not free to get into anything, really, not by a long shot. And yet...

Recently, I've started to catch myself forming attachments to a guy or two. One, who I doubt I will ever see again, had me thinking "This guy could settle me down for good." Another has been, er, dominating my time recently and I find myself far too comfortable with him. All of this leads me to believe that I'm about to head into one of my phases where I am the most uncomfortable - the one in which I feel quite... oh, gosh, what's the word?... the one in which I feel very poignantly the emptiness in my life. Mind you, it's not ALL emptiness... but there are some definite empty areas, and sometimes they are harder to take. I'm feeling really vulnerable right now, and that can be dangerous. All I can hope for is that things get better soon, and that I don't get myself in over my head.
0 Comments
When the Student is Ready, the Teacher Will Appear
Posted:Nov 28, 2005 10:55 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
6127 Views

Sunday night... ah, Sunday night. Sunday night brought the culmination of an escalating flirtation between myself and someone I knew on something of a casual basis. People who know both of us would be downright shocked to discover just how bad we both are. And while on a very subconscious level I had sensed an undercurrent of possibility there, I had never had an inkling of exactly where this would wind up.

What a pleasant surprise.

You see, in the course of one week, we went from a slight decrease in the subtlety of our flirtations, to a rather interesting (here's a value-laden word that I hate to use) relationship. And now here I sit, at his place for the second night in a row, as he drifts back to sleep in the bedroom after another lesson in the fine art of submission.

He hasn't yet agreed to "take me on as a pupil" per se. But he's taught me a trick or two, introduced me to some of his equipment, and begun to teach me some of the etiquette. Never having an orgasm without permission, sir! Never removing my own restraints unless ordered to do so. After tonight, I am always to be the one to fetch the washcloth to clean us off (him first, of course). I will grow to love the lash of the flog, the sharp slap of the paddle, and the day will come when the removal of the red leather cuffs will bring a sense of sorrow and loss. This he assures me, and this I believe. Not to say that we will ever be exclusive; I don't think that's in my makeup and I doubt it's anything he wants. Not to say that from now on I will only feel pleasure when there is pain. But he is opening a new world to me that I never expected I could enjoy this much, this quickly.

I stepped off a cliff, it seems, and stepped onto a cloud.
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