Sex as Therapy: Fear of Flying  

rm_Ellenback 59F
903 posts
3/6/2006 7:04 pm

Last Read:
6/11/2006 8:32 am

Sex as Therapy: Fear of Flying

One of my heroines, Erica Jong, wrote a book called Fear of Flying in the early 70's, and she was one of my first motivators for self-reflection, even as far back as 1973. When I purchased the book, I was underage, and this necessitated the usage of various 'covers' to hide the title, as it was considered almost pornographic in nature, and would get you leered at on the bus.

Isadora Wing is a standard-issue Stepford Wife in the beginning, who is deathly afraid of flying. She meets an intellectual analyst who seduces her away from her husband in Vienna, and then introduces her to 'the Lifestyle', swapping partners at various European campsites and causing Isadora to re-evaluate all of her perceptions, both backwards in time, and forwards. Even though the journey is often difficult, Isadora keeps 'flying' in pursuit of her freedom and liberation from the dual-standards of the day.

Is this what we are all doing, or at least, some of us?

I have been with a couple of guys who insisted that if I just 'got out of the way' and allowed them to do things that made me uncomfortable, in particular being held down roughly, or hurt, I would somehow 'get over' my problem, and lower my boundaries even more. Well, those boundaries are there for a reason, and I don't need to use sex as a way of exploring my vulnerabilities as a child. In fact, I was amazed at how primal my reaction was when I encountered these 'analysts' - at first I succumbed, paralyzed, but then I got f*cking pissed, forcefully pushing him away, which was cathartic and a real release of old shit, you know? Shaking, angry, crying, you f*cking bastard...!!! Almost laced him, right there...

'Sex' should be delegated to masturbation alone, as I feel that when you add a second person, it should be a mutual admiration session, loving, generous, giving, not "all about me". Yes, we can role play, but look me in the eyes, let me see the love there, let me see the playfulness there, not shame, or God forbid, an unconscious anger at your mother, former girlfriends, or women in general.

It's not all about the perfect meshing of body parts, everyone appears to have idiosyncracies of their own. Dicks that fail to stay up, or climaxes that happen in 30 seconds, or worse, never happen no matter what you do...Some guys are great with their hands, others have fabulous and energetic mouth muscles, and others just love to see you gush.

This shouldn't be about judgements, or shame, or guilt, or any of those bad Catholic moralistic viewpoints we all suffer from, including me.

A couple of years ago I was able to purchase an autographed copy of Erika's newest release, 'Fear of Fifty,' and while I have quickly read through it, I believe I'll re-read with enlightened eyes on the day I reach THAT age.

You do realize that I have never been on a plane in my life, don't you? It's time to challenge my OWN fear of flying, I think, just don't think you can use any therapy shit on me....


ArtDent99 46M

3/6/2006 7:42 pm

"feel that when you add a second person, it should be a mutual admiration session, loving, generous, giving, not "all about me"."

I TOTALLY agree with that statement. That is one of the reasons I find it difficult as a married man to be with another woman is that I have to emotionally invest myself into the act. Mindless sex is not enjoyable by both parties (in my humble opinion) and when 2 people 'click', even the simplest of acts are enhanced.

If you can look into the eyes of your partner and find yourself aroused by what you see there, the possibilities are endless.


rm_Ellenback 59F
966 posts
3/6/2006 7:50 pm

Art, look deep into my webcam....intense staring...LOL

Love ya doll, you are the sweetest most attentive friend I have ever known.

Elle


justforfun3X3 58M
143 posts
3/7/2006 5:38 am

"it should be a mutual admiration session, loving, generous, giving, not "all about me". Yes, we can role play, but look me in the eyes, let me see the love there, let me see the playfulness there, not shame, or God forbid, an unconscious anger at your mother, former girlfriends, or women in general."

I too, agree, Elle, completely. I just don't understand people for whom sex is an act isolated from affection. Last night I stayed with my g/f until 5 AM before going home. It was only the second time we have been together but we are like lovers, in a way. We kissed, petted, stroked, fondled and finally got a couple of hours sleep. I swear it was aa good as the sex and the sex was great.

Stay the course, Elle, don't let anyone change you, Darlin'.

BTW, I'm hoppin' on a plane for CA Thursday. See ya in a week!

Try it, you'll like it!

Tit Man

Peace


iluvjbsinaz 56M

3/7/2006 12:12 pm

Okay, I'll be the dissenting voice.

Sometimes it needs to be all about one person. Sometimes sex is needed for healing. The touch of a human being, from a lover or an anonymous partner can do wonders, as we all need to be touched.

In the past, I have needed it be all about me. I couldn't worry about my partner's needs, nor did I want to. I have also been in the situation where someone needed it to be all about them, and I provided what they needed, anonymously, gladly.

Is it better when it is a "mutual admiration session?" Usually, but I have had some very exciting, very erotic encounters, knowing that nothing would follow.


iluvjbsinaz 56M

3/7/2006 12:22 pm

Oh yeah, planes fly to Phoenix! Just saying....


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