Lies: Do You?  

rm_Ellenback 60F
903 posts
5/3/2006 9:14 pm

Last Read:
6/11/2006 8:16 am

Lies: Do You?

Someone asked me a while ago, when we were fooling around, if I had cum, and I quickly responded, "Yes!" But, I hadn't...and in hindsight, it wasn't the right thing to say. It basically meant the end of my interlude, my turn...and I wasn't there yet! I think it was because I was actually getting tired, and wanted to get things over with, instead of trying to make the poor soul continue on in a feeble effort to satisfy me. So, did I say it to spare his feelings? In some ways, yes, I think I did. I didn't feel like having the conversation right then about how I just wasn't getting off on what he was doing, and required more foreplay, before doing the horizontal mambo. It turned out that I had to work and work to get him off, which some guys think is the makings of a great lover, but just frustrates me to no end! So, it ended up that he got the best of everything, and I got nothing, well, almost nothing...

Later on, he IM's me, "did you have fun?" I told him, "Yes, but I need more foreplay before you jump on me," and that's when he pulled out: "But you came!"

Hmmm

Disagreement followed: "well, actually, I didn't!"

And then I had to explain myself thoroughly about why I had lied. Did I lie? Or was that just a gentle "I can't hurt you for any reason" type of thing?

Conversation ended with him saying: "DON'T EVER LIE TO ME AGAIN!"

OR WHAT?

Hmmm again...I think I need to apply my own 10-foot pole rule to this guy.

I mean, who NEVER lies? The relationship is doomed before it has ever even begun! He has bad issues with lying from an EX, and now I'm to suffer the consequences.

I couldn't agree with him, that I'd NEVER lie to him again, so I didn't. It was left hanging, like the AXE dangling from the ceiling that no one sees...

PRESSURE to love, PRESSURE to NOT LIE, PRESSURE to be a certain way, it all comes from feelings, from him to me, and me to him.

Not sure if I'm ready for that just yet, and it feels like games, and drama, and I'm just fresh out of that circuit. Being single doesn't carry that weight - you can easily tell someone you don't love or even care about that, "I'm NOT done yet!"

I don't want to care for him, I can tell he's all wrong for me. I need gentleness, solidity, caring, no matter what I do to mess things up, and above all, the smarts to know when you're losing a good woman...

10 foot pole - anyone know where I can buy one? Wonder if they carry them at the 'Adult' store...?



(((squishyboobyhugs)))

Elle


justforfun3X3 58M
143 posts
5/4/2006 4:09 am

Elle,

It doesn't sound like the chemistry was there to begin with, Doll.

In my experience, if a woman is "into me" and really wants to fuck me, it doesn't make that much difference to her how I warm her up, or even for how long. Once I slide my cock into her and start stroking, everything is good and fine and we are both enjoying the encounter very much. And usually I can depend upon her having multiple orgasms that way.

(Not to imply that I short anyone on the foreplay but trying to make a point. Sometimes a lady is "ready" very quickly and just wants to start fucking with very little preliminary action, you know? And they will signal that. "Fuck me, NOW!")

Conversely, if you are with someone and you can't seem to get turned on except with a lot of foreplay then probably you just aren't a good match, not sexually anyway.
Or perhaps he is not a good lover. Doesn't start with soft kissing on your neck and throat and mouth. Doesn't softly caress your breasts and nipples with his hands before moving on to them with his mouth and then doesn't spend enough time there before putting a finger in you and gently massaging your tender clit with your own wetness. And maybe he doesn't use his hand and fingers to take you to your first orgasm, like he should. And once you start having orgasms, of course, you should already be very turned on when he enters you. Know what I mean, Elle?

Just my humble opinion but based upon my experiences and what else do we have to go on?

Keep on truckin', Honey, I know you'll get there!

Tit Man

Peace


horny4770 61M
8158 posts
5/4/2006 10:36 am

Elle,

Sweetie. . . ya know I’m your friend and I’ll tell ya like I see it. Ready?

The truth is something you never need to backup from. It is a constant. Little white lies get folks into so much trouble I can’t understand why they put themselves under so much pressure of having to sidestep or make excuses later. If you didn’t get off, you didn’t get off! You both survived the ordeal; the truth may have been hard at the time but easier than fessing up later. Like you said, you were getting tired; that was the truth you may have wanted to focus on. It didn’t change the ending.

From ‘the dog ate my homework’ to hearing those three little words, ‘I love you’, and everything in between, it would be nice to know there was sincerity involved and someone valued me as a feeling human being enough to tell me the truth. Not love, just respect.

Having said that, I will acknowledge the fact that not all are able to handle or even want the truth or care for that matter. I have my own ways around brutality. LOL

1. Answer a question with a question; if they don’t pursue the answer futher. . . Whew! Safe.

2. Change the subject; if they don’t pursue the answer. . . (see above)

3. My favorite no lie response is: Sorry, that’s classified information, if I were to tell you then I’d have to kill you, and then what’s the point!

Honesty is the best policy for me; it has cost me business and love interests and being lied to has cut me to the quick. Push come to shove, with me; “If you’re afraid of the answer, don’t ask the question. But that’s just me and my thoughts dear . . . still friends?

H.

btw ‒ part of being a terrific lover is knowing what THAT specific woman likes and being able meld together other talents for a favorable outcum. LOL From this man’s viewpoint; a bit of “more here and less there” cuts the guess work. All men may be created equal, but all women sure aren’t! LOL


rm_zimzam1974 43M
25 posts
5/4/2006 7:50 pm

You lied, there's no doubt about that. But he should know that those situations often produce little white lies. He should also know that you don't put people into those types of situations unless you can handle some hard truths. It's like when someone asks you how many people you've slept with. In most instances, they really don't want to know the truth and they shouldn't even bother asking (lol). But it's really a self-esteem issue. He was asking, in a very passive-aggressive manner, for validation. The best thing to do is not give it to him unless he truly deserves it---tell the truth. You know you're dealing with an adult and not a child if you reveal a difficult truth and they handle it like a gentleman.

Okay, so here's Springer's Final Thought: you shouldn't have humored him, but his response suggests that the ten foot pole would be appropriate right now. In fact, you might even think about going for the 20 foot model.


rockerboy66 51M

5/6/2006 7:05 am

**waves to elle***
I personally do my best not to lie...im not always sucessful but I never lie about important things. The old "I came" when You actually didnt doesnt really qualify as a full out lie, since you obviously planned to correct it at a better time. It's kind of along the same lines as when I come home from work and dont say "hey, this really hot girl picked up on me today". There are no ramifications from that except her feelings are spared.
Im 6 months out of a 5 year marriage. She became addicted to something and one of the side effects was that she started lieing about everything even when there was no need. Since we had been so honest about everything before I didnt notice for awhile, but once things started to add up It became obvious I couldnt believe a word she said.
All relationships have little secrets and half truths. Everyone wants total honesty till they get it. Think about it...if you had been brutally honest, he would have been angry (normal reaction) and no telling what might have happened. It's like if he asked..."is my penis big enough for you?" Maybe it is...maybe it isnt...but if you come off with something like "well...It could be bigger and i wouldnt complain"...He's never going to want to have sex with you again.
I guess maybe what im saying is that there is no such thing as a totally honest relationship. We all tell little white lies to spare a persons feelings. Where it becomes wrong is when it's a deal breaker...ie-"I was at the store" when you really were with someone else. Just my opinion....


ArtDent99 46M

5/6/2006 3:22 pm

Being a lying bastard (yes, thats exactly what I am by many peoples yardstick), I have to say that the truth is best in alot of circumstances. But it is also the worst in others! If I was to tell the truth in all circumstances, I would still be explaining things that need'nt be explained. (Yes you look beautiful, except for the mole... no you arent ugly, yes I said the mole was... *sigh*)

When I ask (in a round about fashion, there are other times for being blunt) if a woman has orgasmed, it isn't for ego, it is genuine desire to see the woman fulfilled. Some can go many times, some once. A 'good lover' may be able to tell, but not with someone they just met hours ago! It takes time to learn the 'tells', as well as explore boundaries (hint hint).


SmedlySuperGophr 53M

5/6/2006 8:40 pm

Well ... ah .... I faked my orgasm too !!!!!!

So There !!!!!


rockerboy66 51M

5/7/2006 3:12 pm

I faked orgasm a couple of times , but it was with my ex and only because it had been going for so long and i was so frickin tired. i just couldnt do it....sometimes you'd just rather it be over


rm_Ellenback 60F
966 posts
5/7/2006 7:21 pm

    Quoting horny4770:
    Elle,

    Sweetie. . . ya know I’m your friend and I’ll tell ya like I see it. Ready?

    The truth is something you never need to backup from. It is a constant. Little white lies get folks into so much trouble I can’t understand why they put themselves under so much pressure of having to sidestep or make excuses later. If you didn’t get off, you didn’t get off! You both survived the ordeal; the truth may have been hard at the time but easier than fessing up later. Like you said, you were getting tired; that was the truth you may have wanted to focus on. It didn’t change the ending.

    From ‘the dog ate my homework’ to hearing those three little words, ‘I love you’, and everything in between, it would be nice to know there was sincerity involved and someone valued me as a feeling human being enough to tell me the truth. Not love, just respect.

    Having said that, I will acknowledge the fact that not all are able to handle or even want the truth or care for that matter. I have my own ways around brutality. LOL

    1. Answer a question with a question; if they don’t pursue the answer futher. . . Whew! Safe.

    2. Change the subject; if they don’t pursue the answer. . . (see above)

    3. My favorite no lie response is: Sorry, that’s classified information, if I were to tell you then I’d have to kill you, and then what’s the point!

    Honesty is the best policy for me; it has cost me business and love interests and being lied to has cut me to the quick. Push come to shove, with me; “If you’re afraid of the answer, don’t ask the question. But that’s just me and my thoughts dear . . . still friends?

    H.

    btw ‒ part of being a terrific lover is knowing what THAT specific woman likes and being able meld together other talents for a favorable outcum. LOL From this man’s viewpoint; a bit of “more here and less there” cuts the guess work. All men may be created equal, but all women sure aren’t! LOL
Horny, sorry I took so long to respond, but I've been away all weekend, and kept busy farming! LOL

Of course we're still friends! I happen to agree with you, that it would be the best policy, if I could bring myself to hurt someone's feelings. What I have to realize is that I hurt them more when I try to shield them at first, and then they find out later.

(((squishyboobyhugs)))

Elle


rm_Ellenback 60F
966 posts
5/7/2006 7:25 pm

    Quoting rm_zimzam1974:
    You lied, there's no doubt about that. But he should know that those situations often produce little white lies. He should also know that you don't put people into those types of situations unless you can handle some hard truths. It's like when someone asks you how many people you've slept with. In most instances, they really don't want to know the truth and they shouldn't even bother asking (lol). But it's really a self-esteem issue. He was asking, in a very passive-aggressive manner, for validation. The best thing to do is not give it to him unless he truly deserves it---tell the truth. You know you're dealing with an adult and not a child if you reveal a difficult truth and they handle it like a gentleman.

    Okay, so here's Springer's Final Thought: you shouldn't have humored him, but his response suggests that the ten foot pole would be appropriate right now. In fact, you might even think about going for the 20 foot model.
LOL you may be right on the 20 foot model, Zimmy! I think you're right: he was being passive-aggressive, and only revealed the level of his insecurity to me, and it sure didn't feel gentlemanly to me!

I have to learn to be stingy with validation, I think...

(((squishyboobyhugs)))

Elle


rm_Ellenback 60F
966 posts
5/7/2006 7:28 pm

    Quoting rockerboy66:
    **waves to elle***
    I personally do my best not to lie...im not always sucessful but I never lie about important things. The old "I came" when You actually didnt doesnt really qualify as a full out lie, since you obviously planned to correct it at a better time. It's kind of along the same lines as when I come home from work and dont say "hey, this really hot girl picked up on me today". There are no ramifications from that except her feelings are spared.
    Im 6 months out of a 5 year marriage. She became addicted to something and one of the side effects was that she started lieing about everything even when there was no need. Since we had been so honest about everything before I didnt notice for awhile, but once things started to add up It became obvious I couldnt believe a word she said.
    All relationships have little secrets and half truths. Everyone wants total honesty till they get it. Think about it...if you had been brutally honest, he would have been angry (normal reaction) and no telling what might have happened. It's like if he asked..."is my penis big enough for you?" Maybe it is...maybe it isnt...but if you come off with something like "well...It could be bigger and i wouldnt complain"...He's never going to want to have sex with you again.
    I guess maybe what im saying is that there is no such thing as a totally honest relationship. We all tell little white lies to spare a persons feelings. Where it becomes wrong is when it's a deal breaker...ie-"I was at the store" when you really were with someone else. Just my opinion....
LOL Rocker, if he'd asked me that "is my penis big enough for you..." I'd REALLY be in trouble! I mean, it's not like I'm into big guys, I actually prefer a smaller thinner model...hehehe, BUT, that said...geez I'd have trouble answering that at times!

I believe you're right when you say there's no such thing as a totally honest relationship, but I'm working on getting there!

(((squishyboobyhugs)))

Elle


rm_Ellenback 60F
966 posts
5/7/2006 7:30 pm

    Quoting ArtDent99:
    Being a lying bastard (yes, thats exactly what I am by many peoples yardstick), I have to say that the truth is best in alot of circumstances. But it is also the worst in others! If I was to tell the truth in all circumstances, I would still be explaining things that need'nt be explained. (Yes you look beautiful, except for the mole... no you arent ugly, yes I said the mole was... *sigh*)

    When I ask (in a round about fashion, there are other times for being blunt) if a woman has orgasmed, it isn't for ego, it is genuine desire to see the woman fulfilled. Some can go many times, some once. A 'good lover' may be able to tell, but not with someone they just met hours ago! It takes time to learn the 'tells', as well as explore boundaries (hint hint).
Art, you are FAR from a lying bastard, you've always been truthful with me, and everyone else you've come into contact with, even if you end up getting nowhere....a bastard would lie about his status first!

LOL at the 'learn the tells'...you old poker stud you! And, what boundaries are you trying to explore, huh? I hear a story coming on...

(((squishyboobyhugs)))

Elle


rm_Ellenback 60F
966 posts
5/7/2006 7:33 pm

    Quoting SmedlySuperGophr:
    Well ... ah .... I faked my orgasm too !!!!!!

    So There !!!!!


Gopher: Ummmmm so how does one fake an orgasm where the receptacle can 'taste' the difference, huh?

Fibber...

You're just trying to make me laugh again...and it worked!

Don't work so hard, you need more play...Luv ya!

(((squishyboobyhugs)))

Elle


1girlrevolution 48F

5/8/2006 6:15 pm

Fuck that, Elle. We all lie at some point. I lied more in my 20s because orgasms were not easy to achieve. Now, I know more about myself in my 30s and how to get there. I can't remember the last time I faked it, really. Usually I get there . . . sometimes not.

The only pressure you should feel is when you smack him along side of the head with that 10ft pole (or a 2 by 4 will work). I guess you insulted his manhood . . . that's his problem. Reality is, we don't always get there, we all fake it at times, it's ok. Have fun and be ok with it.

~1girl


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