yesterdays gone  

rm_DarknStar 55F
3006 posts
4/3/2006 9:36 am

Last Read:
4/8/2006 6:09 pm

yesterdays gone

As for my weekend actives and the storm that came through here last night. I didnt get to post, last night when I came home.

Yesterday was my Baby Girls Birthday, she turned 25.....

I Love her with all my Heart!

Its been a long road with her. She treats me like a kid and shes the MOM. She makes me feel like HELL, and I sometimes sit and think, I have let her down and Im not a good mom. Maybe thats some of my Monday Tears!

My Daughter is everything to ME! She was my first born. I raised her as my Best friend and Not my daughter. (thats my fault) I just wanted to be close to her and share with her, like I never had with My Mom. and As we get older, that doesnt seem to work.

When my daughter was 6 and my son wasnt 2 yet. I became a single mom. I had to work to take care of us all. No we didnt have much, but I thought that if I could keep my kids with me together. That I was doing something right. I had to leave them with outsiders, so I could work. and In the means of leaving them behind for 8 hours aday. My daughter was molested at 9 and it didnt end until she was 11. I had NO ideal this was going on. But when it findly came out, and all was known. YES the man that abused my daughter, went to prison. and Hes NO longer in our lives. That was the breaking part of me and my daughters life. I drew her in closer and wanted to make everything OK and make her my best friend! Show her that she was everything to me and that Nothing else matter!

Last night after I got home from my road trip. Me and My daughter had a fight, (a dumb fight, but ended in a good sense I guess, we are still talking).....But in the fighting and the talking to try and make things better between us. She ask me that question again, like she has asked me before. She wanted to know "If I knew the Molesting was going on?" and that I was just looking over it, and not wanting to deal with it.....MMmmmm...FUCK NO I DIDNT KNOW ABOUT IT. and how can a daughter stand there and ask such a thing! I love her, she my whole LIFE. How could I have known anything. and When I did find out about the abuse I did go through what any normal person would have done....and for that they put the sorry bastard away!...After those tender moment with my daughter...I knew I had failed, I was a BAD Mom...I let a man take advantage of my baby girl and didnt even know it was going on.

That was 14 years ago, when that happen.(her abuse) I shut myself off of the real world. I never moved forward with the times. I have been doing the same thing over and over for 14 years. I found a comfort zone and I was sucked into it and didnt care what happen around me or in the world. I just wanted to be left alone!

A year ago, I came to terms with myself. I had to get out and I had to move forward. But not really knowing how or what to do. I thought that if I could come here to AdultFriendFinder and find that special someone to lead me and show me how to move forward and guide me, to where I need to be, that I would make it. I am a follower! and not a leader. For I was the leader at one point and time in my LIFE and a failed at it.

Lost and SCARED to death, I need a hand to lead me to the future. I need someone to help me reach that door in my life and push my ass through IT!...Get me out and make me whole, give me the support to makes me better, and look back with no regrets.

HAPPINESS, may not be what I find. But if theres that one person that can lead me, to that wonderful person, I left behind in my world, ME!.... I'll keep searching!

lifeisablast333 55M

4/3/2006 1:16 pm

thanks for sharing....the redneck

pragmaticCTcpl 62M/51F

4/4/2006 10:55 am

Nice post ! Happy Birthday to your girl!!

rm_indydirtydog 47M
700 posts
4/4/2006 2:34 pm

Happy birthday to Her...

Sorry to hear about the struggles and all the hell that you two went through...HUGGS

I am glad to hear that sick fuck is in jail, I have heard that they treat child molester especially well....

Women Women everywhere and not a pussy to eat......

rm_android1960a 57M
428 posts
4/4/2006 3:57 pm

That molester made me think. It is amazing how many pieces of shit walk around calling them selves human. You were not a bad mother. Many, many good loving vulnerable mothers and fathers get trapped by a terd in a toilet that needs to be flushed. A bad mother would have just found a new babysitter and let it all drop. Or worse left their child in that situation because that was easiest. But you went through the trouble and maybe even false accusations from the defense. No you were not bad, just unfortunate. XXOO

LustyTaurus 49M
21253 posts
4/5/2006 9:51 pm

wow..that's a tough thing to carry around for both of you. Thanks for sharing, and if there's anything I can do to help, you know where I am.


Toodela 60M
1747 posts
4/8/2006 4:30 pm

Darknstar, this is really sad ... I just want to say that I really do feel with you and your daughter. I don't know why I should have come to your blog, but I know the reason that caused me to look ... your smile on the pic. It reminded me of someone ... take care.


Honor has not to be won; it must only not be lost.

~One Minute in Life~

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