Reading and Responding to Womens Profiles 101  

rm_Dagerazod 51M/56F
65 posts
4/1/2006 8:26 am

Last Read:
6/18/2007 7:08 pm

Reading and Responding to Womens Profiles 101

After much input from the blogs of a few completely awesome women around here I have decided to help you poor, retarded, neanderthal bastards out!
Welcome to the class! Today we will be discussing reading and responding to womens profiles on AdultFriendFinder, or as I like to call it:
"Don't be a FuckTard for Dummies!"

Congratulations! You somehow managed to land an account on AdultFriendFinder.COM! Look at all of these WONDERFUL women who just cannot WAIT to experience the joys and bask in the glow that is you! Hold your horses there cowboy! Don't give yourself carpal tunnel with machine gun clicky clicky's on the "Send a Wink" just yet!
Did you even bother to R E A D the womans profile? You know? that thing you are doing now because I am a dude and you didnt find me attractive? We both know how hard it is for you to "read" when all of the blood just rushed from your big head down to your little head, now don't we?

Tip # 1: Jerk Off BEFORE logging in to AdultFriendFinder. Twice if you have to with your horny ass! This will hopefully accomplish two things:
a. retard the blood flow from your brain
b. leave your hand tired from pumpy pumpy so you lay off the clicky clicky

Go ahead... spank the monkey a bit. We have time and will wait for you. Realistic stats show that you can last maybe 25 seconds anyway. No rush.

[INSERT 70's PORNO MUSIC HERE - wowmp chica womp WOW WOOOOW]

Back so soon? Please see the course curriculum for "Speed Dating does not equal Speed Drilling Your Junk" and sign the fuck up already!

Okay, you have had your release and your blood is back in your head. Lets move on.

So surf around a bit and see if you find a couple of women that interest you. WAIT A MINUTE MAN WHORE! I said a couple! STOP CLICKING!
Settle Down Beavis! *sigh*

I said a "couple" that interest you. Not the whole female population of the site! You DO realize that some of these women only want other women to play with, and judging by the 18.5 seconds we waited on you to yank yer crank, you arent YET female. (You are however on the the waiting list to be blacklisted by a good 95% of them)

Okay, so lets look here... NIIIICE!
Sexy Sexy hazel_eyed_devil !hazel_eyed_devil
Classy, Smart, Witty, Charming, and Sexy!
Oh you just HAVE to tap this one!
[clicky clicky]
WAIT! *sigh* Did you even look at ANYTHING other than she is female, has tits and a box? NO!
There is ALL KINDS of info on that screen!
READ IT! You are not "fishing". Casting a big net in hopes to get ANY action isnt going to work here.
For instance... notice the little red bar next to the words "Compatibility Score:" The one that is REALLY short? That is not a "suggestion", and clicky clicky right now means you are an asshat and will be dealt with accordingly. You will be roundfiled, trashed, deleted. No matter how classy she is, she wont even bother to to tell you "no thanks" more than likely. And you know why? Because you wont be a man and drop it. You will whine and cry and bitch and moan about how if she would just give you a chance you could change her mind. Umm ... no. Easier to just ignore your NON PROFILE READING ASS! I would place a nice sized bet in vegas that not only would a woman of this caliber chew you the fuck up and spit you out like a really bad anchovie, but you would have performance issues for the rest of your life!

Moving on... What was your other choice? OMG!
A living, breathing fantasy waiting to happen! An Elusive Angel!
Dude... really... seriously... are you fucking KIDDING ME? Out of ALL of the women on this site, you pick the biggest champion of:
What is this? The fucking LOTTO for you?
Just... read... *sigh*
Okay... polish yer knob again, we have the 19.2 seconds required. *sigh*


Notice that chart looking thingy with little boxes? The Mutual Match Chart? Some might have green check marks and others red X's? FUCKING USE IT OK??!?!
Do you see any, and I mean ANY red x's? One, Singular, Uno for those spanish readers. Those are NOT hieroglyphics! You CAN read them! They are internationally known as "NO CLICKY" signs.
Again, I would place a nice sized bet in vegas that this woman would scare the living shit out of you. I dont care WHAT your machismo is telling you. This is Jack Nicholson on the witness stand here. "YOU WANT THE TRUTH? YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH!" With a body like that, she can have ANY man. Yet only wants one. Odds are in my favor that it isnt you.

From todays lesson, you should take away a few things:
1. Profile information is there to be READ, not glazed over by your testosterone as you scan the page to find the CLICKY CLICKY to contact a woman.
2. Compatibility scores are not suggestions, they are direct indicators of how large your erection is allowed to be for this particular female. Low score? Not even a "chubby". Got it?
3. Mutual Match Charts contain most every piece of initial information you need to contact a woman on this site.
4. Think about it like this...One red x is bad breath. Two red x's are bad breath and body odor. Three red x's are bad breath, body odor, and a dick so small that cums so fast she would literally LAUGH at your ass and break you down for the funky bastard you are.
5. Jerk off. LOTS. Then visit AdultFriendFinder. You will be prepared to go slower, take it easier, and not try to win the fucking lotto with your first ticket.

Next time: Reading and Responding 102
"NO MEANS NO for Dummies"

hazel_eyed_devil 36F

4/1/2006 8:37 am

I loved it!!! Hopefully someone will read this and learn a few things. I can't wait until the next installment. {=}

WyldKitty2004 46F
9 posts
4/1/2006 5:20 pm

LMAO that was good.

julie4daddy34 46F
599 posts
4/2/2006 7:52 pm

God I love it! LOL. I'm still new at this but I swear if I knew how I would put a link to yours in my own blog!

rm_Dagerazod 51M/56F
41 posts
4/3/2006 3:15 am

    Quoting julie4daddy34:
    God I love it! LOL. I'm still new at this but I swear if I knew how I would put a link to yours in my own blog!
in tiny print at the bottom of each blog post is a link similar to this one
To link to this Post ("Reading and Responding to Womens Profiles 101") use Reading and Responding to Womens Profiles 101 in your messages

now you know

By the way, you are soooo hot! Black Sihlouette / Grey outline!

_CoffeeNoCream_ 54F

4/3/2006 4:46 am

I cant wait for 102....*S*

liefs C

_CoffeeNoCream_ 54F

4/3/2006 5:02 am

and you obviously didnt read my profile...


rm_lovelyLady 65F
434 posts
4/3/2006 8:01 am

I DID put a link to your blog in mine
I love your sense of humor too........ (besides the great advice)
xoxo LL

rm_Dagerazod 51M/56F
41 posts
4/3/2006 9:32 am

Thanks for the linkage and compliment!
EXCELLENT Profile by the way!
There is your GOOD read! lovelyLadys profile

digdug41 50M

4/3/2006 11:13 am

Good Post I feel ya I dont reach out to too many of the women here unless they have written something that touches me but yeah its funny these dudes dont think they just figure if a woman is here on this site they are here for there sexual gratification but thats one thing I've learned here on the blogs is that there are some really down to earth women here and if these fellas took the time toread they'd find that out

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

elusive_angel 55F

4/3/2006 3:25 pm

YOU DID IT AGAIN....I LOVE IT..All men need to read this......and if they take only one bit of advice...JERK OFF before you sign on...LOL..YOU'RE GREAT !!!

Elusive Angel


rm_nokdasoxov 52M
13 posts
4/3/2006 6:47 pm

Dude...that was so funny. Reminds me of work when people don't read ALL of the instructions on what needs to be done. My ribs are still hurting from this. Keep your sense of humor as women dig humor.

No go jack off before surfing for women who like homor.

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