Female Instruction Manual  

rm_Catgirl_Meow 44F
12 posts
8/7/2006 7:12 pm

Last Read:
7/14/2007 8:34 pm

Female Instruction Manual


For those guys who are clueless/inept about the care & maintenance of the female form aka "model," I am including an instruction manual. Please read it - learn it - live it - commit it to memory!! ENJOY!!!!

1. WELCOME ABOARD!!
I trust that your experience will be enriching, rewarding and most importantly, stimulating. No model has ever made a mistake or distorted information. All models are all, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error. You shall be most pleased by the results. Your model very much enjoys working with people; you shan't be disappointed. NOW, all functions are readily available. So with the proper instruction you will be well on your way to a most gratifying relationship with your model. Treat her well.

The model partner's mission responsibilities range over the entire operation of the mother ship (Edmonton Area) as well as off location, so she is constantly occupied. Your model shall be putting herself to the fullest possible use, which really is all that any conscious entity can hope to accomplish.

Your model is fully trained in all areas, as she has been enrolled in courses ranging from: Food Sciences, Human Sexuality, Human Behaviour, Sociology, Psychology, and Mathematics to mention only a few. So as you can see there is no problem with incorporating the model into your daily life. Your model shall be the addition to your life you have always dreamed of. Well now ____________________ (insert your name here), it's all become a reality. Everything is taken care of, so do not become alarmed or frustrated. Please read through the manual thoroughly before initiating your model and ENJOY!!

2. PARTS AND LABOR
Permanent Accessory Area:
- Your model requires periodic updates in this area. Always provide positive signals when it is altered. Mental technicians from Yale found that a model who "thinks" she looks sexy will be sexy. It's like Field of Dreams: If you build it, she will come.

Intimacy Assessors:
- Look directly into these ports to establish a connection. Note: When the operator (that's you) has performed an illegal function, maintain visual contact while performing corrective measures. Remember to look here, not at her cleavage.

Output:
- If your model emits shrill sounds, see if the language feature is set to "ALL-RED". If so, disconnect. The decibel level for an angry female is 100 decibels. That's only 20 away from your pain threshold!! hear that?!

Inputs:
- Most models still use data-input function selectively, hearing certain messages regardless of what the operator has actually said. Experts claim that models may pretend to listen, yet in practice disregard any information not consistent with the point they are advancing. That means you can say whatever you want, but your model isn't listening. If you want your model to hear and understand a particular message, simply speak the words into the telephone to your best friend.

Main Attachment Connection:
- On average, 15 minutes of stimulation is required before attachment insertion may be attempted. Yes, you must work a quarter-hour for 15 seconds of pleasure. Inflatables might be the answer - and they can be stowed beneath your seat.

Advanced-Interest Inducers:
- The backs of these can be even more sensitive than the thrusters since the skin is thinner. Even a light tickle can cause extreme excitement. Try it at the mall for added fun!!

Memory Card:
- Nonrefundable, nonadjustable component that never malfunctions. Situated next to the sexual-function control panel. Caution: Not user serviceable.

Door Knockers, AKA Body Jewelry:
- These decorative rings make your model more fun and wild. Caution!!! Do not pull on them or the model will
turn on you. Can be more of a bother as unit becomes overly sensitive from excessive stimulation and will often cause sexual functioning failure (that's bad!).

Thrusters:
- If you get lost reach for one of these. Newer models are more natural looking and feeling, making them softer and generally more appealing.

Tension Indicators:
- Hard shoulders on a model indicate high tension, a critical condition that can lead to sexual failure. To lower her tension level, manipulate the area manually. Begin by lightly oiling and gently kneading the shoulders with your thumbs. Then curl your fingers over the rounded part of her rotator cuffs and press the heels of your hands inward. repeat until she ceases speaking and tries to swallow your whole hand. Side benefit: That tension you just relieved is a major cause of headaches. And a headache, of course, is another frequent cause of sexual-functioning failure.

Auxiliary Port:
- The port is not functional. Do not attempt entry. Made in China. For decorative purposes only. The belly button or navel for you buffoons who can't read through the lines.

Excess-Fuel Storage Area:
- To keep this feature in good shape, position your beer upstairs and dispatch your model to bring it to you one sip at a time; have her call you Stair-Master.

Pressure Pads:
- Stalls? Bad timing? Many models are equipped with a link between this area and the main attachment connection. To activate, massage the unit's feet and rotate her ankles slowly. This lets you watch Star Wars as your model warms up.

3. SUPPLIED ACCESSORIES:
Cat:
- Small(sizes may vary), fluffy mammal that doubles as an outlet for the model's maternal instincts. Warning!!!!!! Do not accidentally vacuum cat with a Dust Buster.

Female Friend:
- A model that causes strange and abnormal behaviour in your model as if conspiring against you. Beware of self-destruct especially when you're caught staring at her thrusters. Only stare at your model.

Gay Male Friend:
- Compatible guy who provides companionship when searching for accessories and addressing malfunctions. Warning!!!!! Gay male friend may also express interest in having you as an operator.

Plants:
- Living green objects that serve as interior decoration and proof that your unit can care for other things. If these "plants" wither and die, do not acknowledge or criticize model's nurturing functions.

Magazines and Movies:
- Helps the model relax, as she receives great pleasure from both of these items. Do not mock unit for her tastes or until will seriously malfunction and be silent for days.

Snacks:
- Essential fuel for your model for one week each month when she experiences periodic failure of the sexual activity function. Also used when model is distressed.

Credit Card:
- Temporary antidepressant that the model uses for retail therapy. To benefit from this, convince the model to buy books, appliances and groceries at Adult World. Watch out for the vibrating carrot and oddly shaped shampoo bottles.

4. TROUBLESHOOTING
PROBLEM: Model will not turn on
SOLUTION: Make sure that the necessary attachments are securely and properly connected. If the answer on the model's self-diagnosis output is "I'm fine" or "Nothing's Wrong" or "Dismissive Wave of the Hand," simply ask again and again until a more satisfactory response is obtained. Apologize.

PROBLEM: Model takes an excessive amount of time to warm up.
SOLUTION: Place your hands on various parts of the model until a low purring sound is emitted. Perform maintenance on each part for five to seven minutes. Alternately, take your model by surprise. This will jump-start her engine, cutting your labour by more than half. Check for unauthorized use of your model by another operator by looking through your model's purse or matchbooks from the Comfort Inn.

PROBLEM: Model Sags
SOLUTION: Bring your model to a local physical-conditioning center on a regular basis. Tell the model that you need the tune-up, not her. It's the truth, anyway.

PROBLEM: No Sound
SOLUTION: The model is malfunctioning due to misuse by the operator. Perform corrective repairs by providing add'l attention. Depending on the extent of the unintentional damage, you may also need to present the model with a shiny new attachment. Something in gold, platinum or diamond is best. Do not order from Home Shopping Network.

PROBLEM: Model is not reaching her maximum satisfaction level when the sexual-activity function is initiated.
SOLUTION: If the model is lying down while your connection is attached, raise her two lower
extensions above your shoulders. This will increase the amount of stimulation reaching her sensory areas. Flip the model onto her underside and attach your connection from that position in order to press her primary internal sensory button. When the model's display signifies that her satisfaction is not necessary, the model is lying. Repeat the above corrective measure or take a closer look at the problem area and initiate additional digital measures - ie. your hands.

PROBLEM: Model expresses interest in signing a lifetime ownership contract with you
SOLUTION: Nod head, smile and quickly initiate the sexual-function routine. This will not fix the problem, but it will prolong the amount of time that the model will continue to work without this added feature.

PROBLEM: Model's memory card becomes filled to capacity with information about her former owner/operator. In basic terms, her "ex-boyfriend."
SOLUTION: Your model has likely been in recent contact with her previous operator. Ask her whether this is the case. She may be considering terminating your current agreement. The model may be experiencing withdrawal from the old operator and desiring similar handling from you. This is called a "hint." reassure the model of your affections and alter your behaviour.

5. FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
*Before panicking, read these solutions to commonly encountered problems. Take comfort - you shall overcome*

Q. Is there any way to determine how many previous operators my model has had?
A. No. But generally, by the time most models find a permanent user, they have had one to five operators, sometimes more. Check for a built-in change-making accessory: It's a sign of extensive use in harsh conditions.

Q. How much additional money will I need to spend on my model?
A. Costs may vary from minimal to excessive, depending on how long you keep the model before updating and how important continued functioning is to you. Maintenance and operating expense become greater the longer you own a model.

Q. What really happens when I leave my model alone with other similar models?
A. they Hot-Sync about your performance skills and discuss the possibility of getting new operators. Remote functioning with any new or old operators is illegal yet still occasionally occurs. Though this was not in their original design, models are fully capable of thinking for themselves. Tell her that.

Q. Why does nothing I do satisfy my model?
A. Your model requires a great deal of maintenance. She may no send you direct verbal messages, so look for other signals of malfunctioning, such as decreased interest in operation, bad wiring, unexplained body piercing or encrypted messages about other operators.

Q. How will my model function in 20 years?
A. The previous model, the "Mom 1945," is a good indicator of what your model will look like after years of wear and tear. Do not attempt to operate the older model, even if it has been completely restored.

Q. Why does my model malfunction when I use other, unrelated equipment, such as my XBox?
A. Your model requires a variety of stimulation, not all of which is physical. Remaining in the PAUSE mode while you cut off demons' heads off with a chainsaw does not provide adequate stimulation for your model.

Q. Is it legal for me to test out another model as long as I don't perform all its functions?
A. No. See the Clinton Clause in your leasing agreement.

6. GLOSSARY
- Control top: Outer casing that the model will self-apply to diminish the size and shape of her rear-end packaging.
- Depilatory & Wax: Noxious and/or painful hair-removal
cream used on bikini line and legs to the model can wear short skirts.
- Fat-free Chocolate cake: Paradoxical fuel eaten to satisfy cravings while controlling equipment size; amount consumed usually exceeds controlling measures.
- Foreplay: Activity needed to jump-start the unit's sexual-activity function; attempts to bypass this activity will result in a lack of access to the aforementioned function.
- Girl Talk: High-pitched emissions that occur when your model is around another model.
- Hint: A verbal or nonverbal clue that your model gives when she wants something, or is somehow displeased. Ignore at your own risk.
- Jimmy Choo: Desirable shoe manufacturer; cost of products is $700 plus. Also see Manolo Blahnik, La Perla, Prada and Versace.
- Journal: Small(sizes vary) book in which the model records daily activities, feelings about operator and other secrets. Operator should access entries only when the model is off-location.
- Loofah: Odd cylindrical scrubbing device used to make the model's skin silky smooth.
- Mask: Mineral-laden cream that hardens on the model's face, cleanses and frightens others. Comes in lovely shades of green and blue; mich like the ocean.
- Snuggling: Activity that the model often craves in lieu of sexual functioning; involves model and operator lying motionless in close contact for an extended period of time.
- Surprise gift: Small physical token that can persuade the model to participate in sexual functioning with limited foreplay.

rm_kopykatz 51M

9/20/2006 11:13 pm

lmao wow operating a model looks chaneging but i think i am up 2the task


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