Chapter 1 of some of my Jerry Springer moments!  

rm_Butter571 46F
13 posts
2/10/2006 2:01 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Chapter 1 of some of my Jerry Springer moments!

I have come to the realization today that I"Might" be a redneck. I guess all this time I had been in denial. I have had visible signs all my life that should have pointed out that I "Might" be a redneck. I wasn't meant to be a millionaire! Hell No !!!I wasn't meant to have diamonds and Rubies !!!Preach on sister!!!!I wasn't even meant to drink Evan water. But a lass I tell my story. It all started 34 yrs ago in a small town in TX called Borger. My mom and dad worked for the Carney....yes you read that right! They worked for the carnival! Not sure if they were the side show or just the truck drivers or hell for that matter the way my mom got around was prolly the pimp service. (I know!I know...tacky ,tacky) but what do you expect from a redneck. After about two yrs my mom gave me and my sister up for adoption. She went on to have another girl by a different daddy and three more boys by a different daddy. I was told the third girl looked allot like me.....dang poor thing.

I was adopted by a family in west Texas that farmed a cotton /pig farm. Yes I did the pig shows , the cutting of the ...well Ill be nice and not mention it for the poor piggies sake. I even won a ribbon in 4-H for 10th place for showing my prize winning hog!

I grew up a "normal" life I guess you could say .....Got married out of high school.(funny how we think we now everything about love at that age)..Had My first baby at age 18 ( BTW I'm proud to say that I was married before I got pr ego.) My mom was so proud about that ....I was the first one of the family to have done it the right way in many ,many yrs. I was married for 14 yrs to this man that knew how little his penis was (he him self called it the "Two inches of fury for two min AKA To little To Fast lmao) Poor thing!!! I think it was about our 12th year of marriage ( and 7 yrs of hard core drinking) when he got so drunk that he ...well he can I put this? He had his way with his step sister in doggy style out by the creek in the pail moonlight...oh wait that was her big ass! Then proceeds to come into the house and well ... makes me the sloppy seconds before he even cleaned his two inches of fury with the bleach that god had intended to kill things like the vileness of her scent that was on his body ! Yes ,yes this all is true... Jerry and Mon tel have nothing on me. The next day he told me all about it... said he "felt guilty!" how he must have "Blacked Out" I asked her the next day when she came to pick up her children(that I provided child care for at a hefty 220.00 a week , equaling profit loss) " Why did you f*** my husband , your step bother for redneck sake?? "This gorilla looking women tells me with a straight face .." I didn't!!" I asked, "Why in the hell would he tell me some thing like that ?" Her answer ," Cause he is f***** in the head!" Go figure !!!Few screws loose in that head if you ask me!!lmao!!!! After the divorce (which came a few yrs later when I finally got over the shock of what had happened with the gorilla women.) he married this nice little Non-english speaking women who was a virgin and couldn't drive a car... (poor thing cant even drive to her safety)Maybe the inch worm has found a new home!!!! Any way things seemed to be going well once I divorced the "EX"! One time he came to the house in a fit of rage!! The phone company had mixed up our accounts . He came in demanding that I change my last name . How I didn't rate his last name...I said " Look here , your last name is forever burnt into my head , branded into my for head as a reminder why I got a divorce from you !" I earned this name and I'll be damned if you take it from me. I'm gonna keep it and hope the next man I marry will take my last name instead of his own ..."JUST TO PISS YOU OFF" (as I pointed my finger at his chest) I felt a renewed since of awareness that I had gained some of the dignity that had been taken from me by this small shell of a man .Anyway enough about him ...there will be plenty of time to tell you about "The Two Inch's of Fury For Two Minute Man"( AKA To Little To Fast). One day soon, I hope to get to the story about me almost running myself over and catching my trailer on fire in the same day. Uh huh ? I have so many redneck inbreed things to discuss as part of my therapy for becoming one with my redneck-ism.
If you dint understand what some of the words I have used here today are just let me know , I'll tell yeah what I think it could mean .If you wanna hear more chapters about how my life has brought me many side splitting laughs and how it has turned my personality of being a bit smart into being a ditz just let me know. As I leave you with the redneck statement that haunts me, "You know you are a redneck when you cant teach your children that its not good to get caught dumpster diving !" See y'all late-rs!

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