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PENTHOUSE
 
Insert Your Description Here! If you leave this as-is, you are a moron.
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Ladies love big TVs too
Posted:Feb 26, 2006 10:08 pm
Last Updated:Mar 9, 2006 12:59 pm
694 Views

I had this huge 36 inch tube TV taking up too much space for the longest time in my little Manhattan apartment, and finally got rid of it by giving it away right before the Superbowl. It was a stupid time to do it, but that monster had to go, and I managed just fine seeing as how I'm a Giants fan.

With the extra space I saved, I moved a convertible sofa up against the newly-bare wall and replaced the enormous TV with a projector. Now I have a 100 inch display, and it's very, very awesome. There's no other work to describe it, I am truly in awe everyday when I come home from work.

So being that I work for a pornographer, one of the first things I did was watch porn on my wall, and of course it was great. I get asked all the time if looking at tits and ass all day ever gets old. Don't be stupid, of course it never gets old.

Anyhow, I was very proud of this new projector and boasted about it to my friends and co-workers; and I would have told my neighbors as well, if I ever talked to them. Everyone sort of ignores each other in the condo. But while returning from a beer run I ran into this one redhead whose floor I used to live on. I hadn't seen her a couple of years, and the fuck if I remembered her name, but I'd always wanted some of that. I had run into her and her roommate, a blonde, a handfull of times back when I lived on that floor, and they looked in their late 20's then. It was always in the evening, as I returned from the gym around the corner. I guess she's in her early 30's now, and she looked as fine as before, with her red-brown hair tied back in a bun.

So I was headed back into the building and so was she, approaching from the other side of the doorway. It's always awkward trying to decide if you're gonna say hi or not, and I flashed a little smile, with her returning the gesture.

"Oh,hey, I haven't seen in a while, you still live here?" she suddenly said.

"I do!" I replied excitedly, "But I'm on the third floor now."

"Oh, okay." she said, "I thought I saw you a few weeks ago loading a TV onto a truck, but you know - the hair."

The last time I'd seen her I had short hair, and I was currently sporting shoulder-length hair.

"Oh, right." I acknowledged, as the security guard buzzed us in through the glass doors to the building.

She went to the mailboxes and I went on to the elevators. A minute or two later, the redhead(still don't remember her name) came to the elevator area with her mail as I was still waiting for one to arrive.

"I replaced that old TV with a nice, big projector." I mentioned casually.

To my surprise her eyes lit up.

"Oh, nice. How much did you have to spend on that?" she asked as the elevator door opened and we walked in.

"Only $700", I replied, "and the picture's as wide as my sofa."

"Wow", she said jealously as she hit 12 on the elevator panel.

As I stepped off on the third floor, I quickly decided to just get her to come with me. And seriously, I just wanted to show off how awesome my TV was. It was very innocent.

I turned around, put my hand in the way of the elevator doors and said,"Hey come take a quick look, it's right through this door."

She hesitated for a second, and decided it was safe. My apartment door was right in front of the elevator, so what did she have to worry about?

When I go to the store I often leave my door unlocked, so I turned the knob stepped in, and held the door as she walked through to my dimly lit, closet-sized apartment. I deadbolted the door before closing it so that it would stay ajar and she wouldn't feel trapped.

Four steps into the apartment and there was the projector. I put the beer on the kitchen counter and said,"Check it out" as I turned on my speakers, and then the projector with a noticeable beep.

"Very cool." she said.

She wasn't nearly as excited as I was about it, but I didn't expect her to be. It was only on a standard channel and it looked like shit at 100 inches. I changed the channel to Discovery HD and American Chopper was on in high definition.

"Now THAT's very cool. That's how it's supposed to look." I gushed, and tossed the remote control onto the couch under the shelf on which the projector sat.

I wasn't about to explain all the stupid technical bullshit about hi-def and standard def to her, the sharp picture spoke for itself.

"Oh, that's much crisper." she said, now fascinated by how big and clear the show looked on my wall.

I thought she'd say okay and take off, but she sat. And much to my embarrasment she had hit the "swap" button on the remote control, where I had been watching some soft porn on skinemax-on-demand before swapped to the weather channel and went to buy beer. I was sooooo busted.

Much to my surprise, she was cool about it and laughed it off, and she'd noticed as I was taking off my layers of winter clothing that I was wearing a Penthouse t-shirt.

"Oh I work there." I said matter-of-factly.

"- and this is research." I jokingly and cleverly segwayed as I pointed to the man and woman simulating sex on my wall.

There was a moment of awkward silence, except for the chick with big fake boobs pretending to moan on skinemax.

She then reached out and grabbed me by the waist of my jeans and pulled me toward her. This was it. Shit like this never fucking happens to anybody, especially me. But I deserved this. I work out and pop energy pills every day. I used to suck in my gut and puff out my chest the half dozen times I've run into this woman. There was no way I was going to fight it. And I wasn't going to fuck it all up by telling her that I wasn't a writer as she undid my belt and unzipped my jeans, coyly remarking,"If this ends up getting published, I want a copy."

My cock immediately stood to attention as she pulled down my jeans halfway and had me sit next to her on the couch, underneath the subtle hiss of a running projector fan, across the room from some cheesy but huge soft porn. She kneeled up on the couch, put her hands on both sides of my body on the cushion for support, and lowered her lips onto my hard cock. She didn't bother to take her shoes off, but fuck it, she was blowing me for goodness' sake.

At least two scenes passed on skinemax as she sucked vigorously on my dick while I fondled my redheaded neighbor's body over her clothes, gently tugging at them once in a while in a futile attempt to get her to take them off. But before that could happen placed my hand on the back of her neck and came hard in her mouth. I rushed it a little so it wasn't as good as it could have been, but the movie was ending and it just seemed to be the right time to cum.

She got up and went to the bathroom to spit and rinse. I was still in disbelief over the spontaneity of what had just occured, and put my pants back on with a trance-like demeanor.

I felt like taking a nap, but it was only right to return the favor and try my best to pleasure this woman who'd just let me coat the back of her throat with my cum. So I came up with what I thought was a hot idea with the projector. With the movie being over, the on-demand menu on the cable box was already on the screen. I queued up another soft porn movie and waited for my neighbor to finish cleaning up.

She came out of the bathroom quietly, and in half of a daze. Maybe she was as shocked as I was over what we just did. But I didn't want it to end here. I grabbed her by the waist with both my hands and pulled her toward me, and gave her a soft kiss on the lips. I took her by the hand and led her to the couch right under the projected picture of the movie. A sex scene had already begun. I had her sit on top of the sofa's back and close her eyes, as the movie was being shown directly on her body. I took off her shoes this time, and then she lifted her hips momentarily and helped me take off her pants.

Her panties had gotten very wet. I kissed her pussy through them, and then pulled them to the side and buried my face in her pussy, gently probing her clit with my lips. She grabbed me by my hair with one hand and braced herself on the top of the sofa with her other hand, and wrapped her legs over my shoulder and around my back. I worked her pussy with my mouth until she tightened her grip and orgasmed around my cheeks. Was it real or fake? Who knows, either way it tasted nice.

We were both spent. I was sprawled on the sofa, upside-down, with my feet up against the wall, and in the way of the projector picture. The lovely redhead had gotten her pants and shoes back on, and kissed me on the cheek, thanking me for the tour. I hoped that she'd noticed how considerate I was in leaving the front door ajar. I passed into an early-evening slumber, in total satisfaction for getting laid, and finally having this career choice pay off in the way I wanted it.

When I woke, I cursed myself for leaving the projector lamp running and letting the beer get warm. But I began typing right away, because this brief encounter was just too nice to forget. It could be years before I see her again.
0 Comments
Blogs are lame
Posted:Mar 23, 2005 6:46 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
1120 Views

It's like a broken record:

1. Pretentious poetry
2. Poorly written and most likely false encounter
3. "Here's some info on me..."
4. "Why are [men/women] so [adjective]?"
5. Some poor soul trolling for comments
6. Some douchebag complaining about blogs
0 Comments
Man I need a new sponge
Posted:Mar 18, 2005 11:35 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
978 Views
... because I tried to clean my cheese grater.
0 Comments
Models & Phones
Posted:Mar 17, 2005 7:44 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
1212 Views
So you know what I just learned? Models hate taking pictorials with telephones, because their pictures will end up adorning phone sex ads for eternity. Hilarious!
0 Comments
Love in an Elevator
Posted:Mar 16, 2005 6:46 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
1211 Views
I LOVE how people exit the elevator in this building! Once the doors open, they count to 10, and then start walking out. I don't mind at all that the doors start closing before I get a foot in.

I was just given a cd full of erotic letters to publish. Where is my intern?
0 Comments
Doggy Style
Posted:Feb 20, 2005 1:08 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
1101 Views
My ex-girlfriend goes,"Hey, you know what I like? Doggy style!"

I said,"Baby, you need to give me more time to guess."
0 Comments
Presidents Day
Posted:Feb 18, 2005 7:04 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
1006 Views
Does anyone get Presidents day off? Cause I sure don't!
0 Comments
Stocking Stuffer
Posted:Feb 17, 2005 12:12 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
1025 Views
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
0 Comments
Why?
Posted:Feb 16, 2005 6:53 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
994 Views
I'm riding on the subway, sitting on the bench, making sure I'm not sitting in front of the subway map. There's an empty seat next to me. Why would a woman stand in front of where I am sitting? What the hell? Sit in the empty seat or stand in front of it, don't stand in front of me!
0 Comments
Test of the Keys
Posted:Feb 15, 2005 10:31 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
1028 Views
See if this baby works, baby.
0 Comments
Come on!
Posted:Feb 15, 2005 7:41 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
763 Views

People, if you wanna be a Penthouse model, don't show us pictures of your Playboy bunny tattoo.
0 Comments
DNS
Posted:Feb 15, 2005 7:39 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
467 Views

Oh, okay, it was a DNS problem on my end caused by a lame-duck systems engineer. Whatever, it's working now! Phat!

And looking very good if I do say so myself.

Stay tuned for the big unveiling of AdultFriendFinder Penthouse style.
0 Comments
Penthousehookups
Posted:Feb 14, 2005 12:23 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
454 Views

Well? Where is my PH branded AdultFriendFinder site?

Oh yeah, happy Valentime's day.
0 Comments

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Most Recent Comments by Others

Post Poster Post Date
Blogs are lame (2)sportyfun56
Mar 23, 2005 11:19 am
Love in an Elevator (2)HeyThereYou2
Mar 16, 2005 9:34 pm
Doggy Style (1)IrishBrat2
Mar 16, 2005 4:12 am