My Wife has a Lusty Heart  

rm_2slocean 59M/47F
4 posts
8/26/2006 7:43 pm

Last Read:
9/17/2006 10:46 am

My Wife has a Lusty Heart

I have a wife with a lusty heart, and, quite naturally, the rest of her follows suite. When her attentions are focused upon me, this is all to the good. However, as one might expect, it is not always so. This causes me no end of consternation, and is the subject of considerable debate between my brain and other members of my own body politic.

Now, I knew full well of her zest for life when I married her. In fact, it was, at the time I asked “So, you want to get married?”, foremost in my mind. No months or years of systematic consideration, no diamonds proffered on bended knee for me; I was without adornment, prone upon the bed, lazing in warmth and ease, pleasantly drained and fully relaxed when I quite literally popped the question.

Believe it or not, so casual and spontaneous was my query that she mistook me to mean, “Did she want to get married to someone, someday?”, and also being in a very relaxed condition, she promptly replied ”Sure.”

That gives you some idea of the nature of our courtship.

Being the son of a woman who for thirty seven years was singularly devoted to one man, I naturally assumed my wife would do likewise. And to her credit, for the first seven years or so, she dutifully went against her nature. But her heart was not in it, and detecting that, I sought solace in another, and strayed first when my wife went away for a summer. We were living in China for at the time, and I maintain to this day that that complicated matters. For whereas I am not especailly sought after in the west, in the east I am percieved as a passport to a new life in a wonderful new place, and who can resist that?

Now where most women would have gone home crying to Momma or throwing whatever missiles may be handy, or both…my wife, hearing rumors and suspecting correctly that things were afoot, immediately took a secret lover upon her return. Perhaps not so much for the fun of it, though I have no doubt she made the very best of her new circumstances, but more so she would be able to say “Me too”; that is, when I finally got around to fessing up. Which did not take long, since I was in no mood to hide the fact that I was now so stupendously admired.

Well, the dam was broken, and no amount of engineering was going to put the water back. There was a time there, when we were both separated again, and we both alternated between misery and bliss. And I suppose my wife, being liberated after a long spell of confinement, cannot be blamed for the ensuing spree. My wife you see, having the advantage of her gender, got the lion’s share of the bliss. This left me with a very disproportionate share of the misery, but most of it was of my own making. And, well, I had had my fun.

But we still loved each other, my wife and I. Yes, strangely, even more deeply, and we have a son whom we both adore. So after a time, we managed to patch the holes in our relationship with the duct tape of promises and the gum of propriety. We also made what meager efforts we could to repair the flood damage in the surrounding countryside, though to our eternal regret casualties may remain.

I say casualties, as though the other people involved were innocent bystanders, which of course they were not. But there are few beings walking the earth with our same hardy constitution, some rabbits maybe, and so it seems to me our lovers were likely more harmed than us. On the other hand, they undoubtedly have some very fond memories of the occasional highlight. In fact, I venture say that some part of any disappointment they may feel stems not so much from the fact that things happened, but that they stopped.

We left China. I went first, my wife lingering behind to enjoy someof the aforementioned new freedoms. But by and by I convinced her to return to the U.S. and live with me again. The fact that our son was with me was no small inducement. And, as I reflect upon it now, I owe him much.

We moved to Chicago. We rode the L, listened to Gypsy music, worked in offices, had snowball fights, and ate in Indian, Afghani, Jamaican and Persian restaurants. We took vacations and visited France and Italy and Sardinia, and Corsica with our son, who visited castles, ate gelato, and fenced with the locals in the piazza San Marco at Carnival. You see, there is much in our lives together to love. And while some restlessness remained, we were glad to be reunited.

Eventually, we moved to Hawaii. Hawaii, you say, that’s nice, but what has it to do with the topic at hand? Well, if you are asking that, then you have not lived here. Those fortunate enough to have resided here understand fully what these climes induce. Our poor, rickety, patched old dam of Puritanism was no match, and perceiving this we both finally agreed it was time to tear it down and let the waters take their natural course.

This, of course, is easier said than done. It is one thing to contemplate a lover for oneself, but quite another to imagine one for your spouse. Romance removes all blemishes from one perspective, but jealousy amplifies innocuous pimples into festering boils from another. So it can be fairly stated that the business of openly allowing your spouse to take a lover, or in our case, many, is not for the feint of heart. You’d be surprised at what you find you did not agree on when you witness your spouse in the throws of ecstasy and you are not. Indeed, few things, at least in men, can so quickly evoke a murderous intent.

As a male, I have few illusions of feeling compersion. I am not one of those who gets a rise literally or figuratively from seeing my wife with other men. As hypocritical as it may be, my predominate reaction is anger. Seeing her with other women is, predictably, a different story altogether. I am sorry to be so stereotypical in this regard. But there it is.

No,.I am provoked. In fact, I find a I now have some bones of uncommonly large proportion to pick with her. But I have found a solution in some common folklore…living well is indeed the best revenge.

Oh you say, you have no right to be angry and seek any kind of revenge. But the heart is not a reasonable organ; no, not any more so than another that springs immediately to mind. So I do not require myself not to feel anger, I have learned to transmute it. Oh you say again, then you are taking your anger out on others. No, it is a kind of emotional Haikido, a metamorphosis of one strong emotion into another passion. I have simply learned to take that energy and redirect it to the vigorous benefit of another so that a mutual happiness might ensue all 'round.

Do you see us as hedonists? I will deny it. We are not indescriminate, and try to give as much, perhaps even more, than we get. And, if can you believe it, we are now more happily married than most other couples we observe. It is not as strange as it may seem at first blush.

Consider: If you are married, do you not still entertain notions of the comely lady next to you in the checkout line of the grocery store, or the handsome guitarist playing upon the stage? I submit you do, for in that regard at least I do not think we are uncommon. Being human, we have drives and thoughts and emotions that prevail upon our conciousness, most often unexpectedly. It is exactly the unpremeditated nature of these things upon which I base my plea for innocence. It is the true nature of things, and who among us is happy to deny our own selves?

Well! You say, I am not a slave to my lusts, I have self discipline, I have convention, I have standards and morals. Yes, yes, we are aware of these things. How could we not be? It is all around us. Society is relentless in it's expectations. We are not thumbing our noses at you. Not at all. But expectations are one thing and reality is quite another, thank God.

Ah God! What has he to say about all this? Who knows? What has he to say about starving children, pestilence, war, and other affronteries? Well, you say, the Bible this, and the Koran that, and so forth. Again, we are fully aware. However, to us, they are like Stop signs in Italy, they are suggestions. Useful at times, designed to promote our saftey and well being, benevolent in purpose. We bare them no grudge, nor God. At the same time, we will not be slaves to rules, even if they don the garb of commandments, and there is ample evidence that we are not created to give slavish obsiquience to our maker.

More important than rules to us are principles. The Italians have it right. Take for example again the Stop sign. If you are approaching a busy intersection the priciple of public saftey must prevail. Otherwise, we would go careening into each other with predictably disaterous results. But what of the Stop sign in the countryside where you can plainly spy out any approaching vehicle from a great distance? Is is not absurd to stop merely because a sign was planted at the crossroads? You see my point. We have our own judgment. It is a fact. Is it not good, is it not mete, to use it?

Rules are not made to be broken, they are made to be applied judiciously. Principles are the sun and rules but poor shadows. It makes no sense to adhere to rules and ignore the principle. So it is with the social law of monogomy. We only invoke the rulebook when we think it works to our advantage anyway. In other circumstances we are all happy to forget it.

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