Control Issues  

rm_1spiderskiss 47M
64 posts
8/9/2006 1:15 am

Last Read:
8/15/2006 6:08 pm

Control Issues

I have to make this quick - my battery's almost dead and I'm a sheet and a half to the wind. Unfortunately, this won't excuse the drivel you are about to be exposed to. Read at your own risk.

There is a reason for this title which I will explain in a bit and which I don’t believe makes me an asshole.

J and I met in a great lounge-y place that was so remarkably dead that we essentially owned it. We ordered drinks and chatted a bit. The best moments were the silent ones as we searched each other’s eyes. I like those moments when I know I hold all the cards. I believe this night will go however I want it to go. This may or may not be true but that’s is how I feel.

Finally J leans in and kisses me. It’s a gentle kiss, the kind that you could pull away from and save face or could be reciprocated opening the door to all sorts of possibilities. I reciprocated.

Purposely, I pulled away first. She leaned back and said, “Wow.”
I said, “Wow, what?”
“I didn’t expect you to kiss me”
If we just experienced the same kiss, you kissed me first. Instead I said, “I missed those lips.” It’s a bullshit line but who cares who kissed whom first, as long as you are happy with the results. At this point I should give a big thank you to the random blog I discovered describing the the art of the French kiss. And if there is anything I’d like to add, it is that patience is the key. Just a bit of patience and she will come to you

At this point cue the WAH, WAH, WAHHHH…I put the kibosh in the evening. Purposely.

First, I cleaned my little bungalow presuming I might soon have company but didn’t put the sheets back on the bed or clean the bathroom as thoroughly as I should have because I didn’t want J to come over. I knew these things would keep me to giving in to the testosterone.

Secondly, I double booked myself tonight so I had a time limit.

In a few hours, when I’m laying in bed horny and awake I’m going to be kicking myself. But there’s a bigger picture. J is lovely in her own way but really not my type. That’s not good enough for me anymore.

The odd thing is, knowing J is not the one for me gives me a tremendous amount of control ‒ over me and over her. I like that feeling. I want to feel that again. I can’t wait to feel that again. Not with J, I think my journey with her is finished but with the rest of my life, in my work, with my friends, with my lovers. Not wanting something has made me feel wonderful and I am strangely gleeful. Is that weird?

rm_aWench4U 62M/62F
741 posts
8/13/2006 1:48 am

I don't think it's totally weird, but maybe just a bit. I don't know of many guys that would turn down the opportunity for sex, let alone plan ahead to "force" themselves to turn it down, should they start thinking with their little head. But I DO admire it! Hmmm, maybe I've been hanging around with the wrong type of guys.

You have WAY more control than I do, Spider, and I really respect that! There have been times when I was right on the edge, debating do I want more or do I want to go home? More times than I care to admit, emotionally I wanted to go home, but physically I wanted more. Two guesses which desire won out. The thing is, I would be so mad at myself the next morning, and vow I wasn't going to do that again. My resolve would last for a while, only to slip up when the itch got bad again.

So I came up with a "solution" that seems to work for me. This may sound gross, but I won't shave my legs---or another part of my anatomy---before a date until I know the guy pretty well. I'll wear slacks or a longer skirt so it's not noticeable, which limits the amount of skin-to-skin contact that can occur. I don't want anyone to feel or see even one day's stubble, and this is my way to ensure that.

Just thought I'd share my weird quirk.

Remember the past but do not dwell there.
Face the future where all our hopes stand.


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