Even 5,999,999,999 kittens can kill a tiger.  

rm_1n1t0 36M
18 posts
3/23/2006 5:19 pm
Even 5,999,999,999 kittens can kill a tiger.


I guess its just the mood that I am in...

Succesfull day at work, very succesfull day.
Home, safe and sound, quiet and peacefull. I should be happy right? I did good right?

Nothing to do though... no one to be with... no time to meet anyone to fill that void...

Wish there was an easy way to make up for lost time, I feel like so many people have gotten the dating/meeting thing down when they were in their teens, so by the time they were 21 they had figured everything out, or done enough to get bored with it and stay steady... or just keep swinging it...

Me I left myself on the wayside, and persued other goals... now I am back to myself... and feeling bad for feeling so selfish, what did I get that none of these others who persued their own goals? What did I get for spending time doing stuff other then dating,drinking, and doing drugs? What did I get for learning, exploring, and growing introspectively? A deep understanding of how lonely I am and how foolish I was.

Still 24, so I guess there is hope yet =) what form will my salvation come in? I need to stop sitting here and waiting for it... I am trying to stop... I am trying to get out, I am trying to find some love and encouragement...

Ive grown enough to know that drugs, and money are not the answer, and that peacefull means are the best means, but still, I feel the niggling tugs of my Id, chipping away at my concience, swelling my ego.

Right now... I am just a virus, I benifit no one but myself, all I do is work to feed myself, power my electronic toys, and see another sunset, sunrise. Granted sometimes the sunsests and sunrises are worth it all alone, but it would be so much better if there was someone to share that sunset, sunrise with, even if just for 1 moment in time.

At least im not a very good virus, one that replicates and kills its host in a matter of minutes.

Rejection is not bad, but the people who taunt you, and flaunt their power and will and try to dominate and control, they drive me back into hiding =/

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