Why women avoid married men  

redmustang91 58M  
8995 posts
9/28/2005 10:13 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Why women avoid married men

Reading some blogs about guys theorizing why women avoid married men even if the guy is in an open marriage.

Some theories:

Women seek a guy to marry and one who is already married is harder to marry. He first has to disentangle himself from the first wife. Women prefer single guys, low hanging fruit. Less work.

Women are jealous and envious of other lovers, the queen bee syndrome. So they project onto the wife the same murderous thoughts they have; they worry these thoughts are directed at themselves, the competition.

A desire to have all women honor the brand the married woman has put on her man. If all other women honor this brand, the prospective lover hopes the man she marries will be seen as off limits by all other women. Of course just a few renegade women can blow this plan. The men cannot be trusted! No sensible woman trusts men!

Too much trouble scheduling sex with work, kids, traffic, vacations. Add a spouse and it is too hard to get together.

Why bother, with so many hot single guys available?

Sex outside marriage is improper, but then purified if you get married. So if the guy is single you can justify the sex as trying to hook him into marriage. If he is already married and not going to marry you, then you are just having sex for fun and that sex for an improper purpose, sex as recreation rather than to hook a guy into marriage.

Some other theories apart from morality? As we know how much importance people place on conventional morality.

MissAnnThrope 58F
11488 posts
9/28/2005 1:54 pm

See, I get, "my marriage is open" all the time from men. "Really? Well then, I can meet her and hear from her mouth, or you can produce a permission slip, right? If it's open, then she's aware." "No, I can't. It's open, but it's don't ask, don't tell. Just as long as I don't bring anything home to her." "Well, does she have lovers?" "No, she doesn't want anyone but me, but it's ok." (This was a recent conversation with someone whose profile said he was single. I was shocked when he mentioned his wife. He wanted an affair while she was out of town. Yeah, sounds open to me. *cough*)

Can you say giant red flag? If the marriage is indeed open, then a man should have no trouble asking his wife for a piece of paper stating so, even if he doesn't want another woman to meet her. There are very few who claim to be in open marriages who actually are in open marriages. Sort of like the guys who consider themselves legally seperated when she's not at home.

You're missing one of the big points on why women don't want men who are in an open relationship. It's not just jealousy, or playing second fiddle or anything like that. No matter what they say in their profiles, they're looking for a husband. Many will scream to high heavens denying that, however, when they're picking out china patterns on the second date, it's pretty damned obvious. When they're creating couples profiles to go into chat with after the first two dates, they're branding a man as theirs. (Yes, this really does happen around here.) It isn't just the single women who do that. Married women are looking to brand lovers as their personal property too. The stories I could tell, of what I've witnessed around here...

I won't lie. While a number of us have no problem if a marriage really is open, women still want a man they can call at home, call if they need something, call late at night if they're stranded, etc. It is the nature of the beast, quite honestly.

funwithyou6022 57F

9/28/2005 3:56 pm

And the next question.....Why married, non-married, attached and every other which way men do not avoid married woman.

rm_deadlyboring 48F
20 posts
9/28/2005 4:14 pm

Here's one...The need for a peaceful, quiet life. Don't want Karma on my butt. I just want fun.

I'm a widow who lost her husband and family (don't want to bring down the mood, but you asked) It's painful enough to watch couples and families enjoying life. The last thing I want to do is be a catalyst for breaking up a marriage (open or not). My life is full of drama w/o me trying. I'm not going to step into it. I'm not going to cause another soul in this world to suffer (oh unless it's domenatrix role play).

redmustang91 58M  
8950 posts
9/29/2005 3:51 pm

Well good points, if marriage is sought. But what I do not understand is if the woman wants a no strings or just recreational fling for say two months, what difference does it make if the man is married? She is not going to marry him and he is not going to leave his spouse? And how much bad karma can you create in a short time? My theory is after many years of fidelity and unsatisfying sex I deserve time off for good behavior. Sort of like Mardi Gras or a Black Sabbath where the Devil gets his due! If this is too bizarre I understand, but it makes sense to me.

Probably best if I hang with married women disatisfied and needing temp fun as shelter from the storm and stress of life.

redmustang91 58M  
8950 posts
9/29/2005 3:55 pm

Many women don't like the husbands they have had and don't want a man hanging around all the time. Why they want to marry a good lover and turn him into a boring husband is a mystery!

So Anemone, it should be ok then if you already are married and have one guy on call at home!

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