purdy37 44F
38 posts
4/13/2006 4:36 am

Last Read:
4/16/2006 2:10 am


i slept last night!!!! for the first time in ages i got a full night sleep, slept a full 8 hours.

the damage that has been done over the past few months seems to be slowly but surely easing, i do find at times i am at peace with myself, somehow feel normal again. then on the flip side i still feel very 'damaged' it comes and goes, but at least the sleep has returned and i can focus on everyday things, i have found the normailty of life hard to deal with, i have just wanted to shut myself away from the world and wollow in my own self pity, but luckily i havent been allowed to, my friends have been round and have made sure im ok. got me out and made sure i have talked about how im feeling.
i have cried, i wont deny it, i have cried for the hurt i have felt, but most of all i have cried for the way i let myself be roped in to something that i knew was wrong. im dissapointed with myself, im old enough now to trust my instinct and go with the way i feel about people, im usually right, but somehow this time i allowed myself to be lead up the garden path round a few bushes and then dumped in the compost heap!!!!! and not once but twice!!! how messed up is that ???
i cant understand why i let it happen, i never have before, usually i walk away and be done with it if i feel it isnt right. i just cant understand why he got to me more than any one else ever has before. i feel that he still has this hold over me, its like im chained to him in some way, wanting to leave but not being able to. he is inside my head walking around and maybe occationally he will jump up and down and beat me down again, letting me know he is still around and he wont let me go.
thats how i feel right now, we havent spoken for days, i havent seen him and i dont expect to, but somehow i still feel like he is around and causing me more damage!!!!

bluegirl39 51F

4/13/2006 6:01 am

I understand lady..it takes time to fade...I'm still dealing with it myself after three years...hard to put behind you a person you really cared for...hugs to you

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