chewed and spat  

purdy37 44F
38 posts
4/9/2006 3:40 am
chewed and spat


don't need to say anymore really, i feel have been well and truly chewed up and spat out.
the games that have been played will never be thought of again, no more drama for me, plain and simple life for me from now on,young single and one day i will be free from pain, no more crying about times past, the future will be free from pain and games of the mind and heart.
i know where the story began and i know where it ended, i dont regret it, but i wish i could bury it and forget it ever happened , for now at least. people got involved and got hurt, but at the end of the day we will all learn and become better people for it i hope.
a harmless deception was supposed to keep it all fantasy, nothing was supposed to be real, everything played out to keep feelings out of the equasion, but they still surfaced all the same, its a shame, but it always ends the same it seems.
my memory serves me far to well, i wish it would shrivel and spit out the bits that hurt, leaving me with happy times, but those happy times for now are shrouded in bitterness and pain. it always ends the same, its no ones fault i guess, just the way things were left to grow and escalate in to something that was blown way to big for anyone to stop until it finally grew to big for anyone to ignore, by then it was to late, the damage had been done, to much damage for anyone to rescue any hint of dignity. to much said and to much done, all past under the bridge but not forgotten and all to raw and hurtful to even discuss.
i thought i was safe from feeling this way a second time around, but it seems i wasnt, i guess i am a fool, maybe not, maybe i am just a person who sees the best in any person who walks in to my life, but i guess i also just see what i want to, i look no further that what is in front of me, maybe i should look deeper in to every person and see them for who they really are, instead of what they appear to be.

if i have something to say, i say it, why cant other people do the same and save all the time wasted on games and unsaid truths, i started the game, but i ended it and gave my soul for someone to reach and take and see me for who i was, but they couldnt take it, instead they prodded and messed me about, all i wanted was the truth, all i wanted was to find some peace and trust.
i guess everything falls one day, it has to, to bring everyone back to reality of life and other peoples insecurities, no ones to blame i guess, just the way we are made to be.
in a perfect world people would be able to give their heart and soul without the fear of being rejected, give it freely and know that it would be recieved with open arms.


i can and will heal the pain that i feel, im waiting for the day when i can walk in to someones life and know that i will be accepted for who i am and what have to give. not everything is about looks, its the person underneath the cover that really matters. when you reach in to someones soul and you just know that things will be ok. i wait for the day i find that, i will embrace it with all i have to give, take it with me and roll with it, no more running and no more hiding.
i guess for now i will leave things be, be who i am for a while, take time to get to know who i was before this all happened, maybe then i will move to the future and find what im looking for.

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