The anger of failed expectations  

puntachueca 106M
2534 posts
7/10/2006 8:57 am

Last Read:
7/11/2006 5:03 am

The anger of failed expectations

There are, according to authoritative sources, two kinds of anger.

The first kind of the anger of justice. One can be legitimately angry over something like our government knowing terrorists were training to fly airplanes into the World Trade Center and didn't do anything about it.

The second kind of anger flows from failed expectations.

You expect your husband to call you if he's going to be late.

Now, if he promised you he'd call you and didn't, that is a justice anger and something needs to be done about him sabotaging the relationship.

But the more common expectation anger is a failed expctation the other person didn't know about.

You expect him to do X and he doesn't. Did he even know you expected X? If you get angry at him for something he didn't know to do...that is setting up yourself to be angry.

Men are not very good mind readers. We're pretty literal and black and white when it comes to knowing what to do. If we don't know you expected us to do something, we probably won't. Then we'll be surprised and hurt when you blow up at us because we didn't read your mind and just do what you expected.

And vice versa.

The anger of a failed expectation that the other person didn't have a clue about is really useless. It creates stress and problems solely to create stress and problems.

If you're experiencing that situation, take a look behind the expectation game. Why do you expect something you know you're not going to get?

Do you really want to spend any time being angry?

There's plenty of opportunities to experience justice anger. And a lot of good comes out of people who decides "I'm not going to take this any more" and do something to stop the abuse, the power games, the pollution, the destruction.

But anger over a failed expectation that wasn't justified is a waste of time and energy.

runzwithknives 61F

7/10/2006 9:56 am

stop rummaging around in my head, dear. Actually was working on something like this but you've done it much better than I could.

But the more common expectation anger is a failed expctation the other person didn't know about.
Right on the money. We all do it. And most times the expectations are indeed something we are not communicating or know we can't have.

puntachueca replies on 7/10/2006 8:05 pm:
Communication is the key.

sexyariesgirl 58F

7/10/2006 5:45 pm

Thank you...I needed to hear this today!!!!!

Power To FOK

puntachueca replies on 7/10/2006 8:05 pm:
You are very welcome. Thanks for visiting.

(What the fuck is this shit..?? *rolls eyes*)

7/10/2006 5:57 pm

You have brought up a good point,having worked in a all male environment for ove 20 years I under stand word for word what you just said from experience...It is pretty simple and straight forward..IT'S A GUY THING Ladies deal with it ...Don't neuter your Man for it....Ready


puntachueca replies on 7/10/2006 8:07 pm:
I am thinking the silent bit gets one nowhere. Speak up, share your feelings...stuff men just don't do.

amoldenough 71F
16436 posts
7/10/2006 6:40 pm

This was another good post, as are they all. I enjoy reading your blog. And this blog was right on the money.

"Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened."

puntachueca replies on 7/10/2006 8:07 pm:
And thanks for visiting.

catkit13 67F

7/10/2006 10:49 pm

yeah, you're right again! and i think it goes both ways, but women are way more likely to expect their partner to mind-read . . . and that sort of lack of communication just keeps expanding, until it can (and often does) sabotage the relationship. we HAVE to keep talking to each other, and try not to use the words "always" ("you always tune me out) and "never" (you never listen to me)
thoughtful post, as usual

puntachueca replies on 7/11/2006 5:06 am:
I actually wrote what she was syaing all down...62 always never things...and then asked the obvious question...what the hell am I doing there.

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