Rules For Relationships...What Are Yours?  

puntachueca 107M
2534 posts
6/27/2006 12:55 am

Last Read:
7/3/2006 7:23 am

Rules For Relationships...What Are Yours?

The thing about a looming milestone birthday is one tends to think about the past and the future..reset the life plan.

On one level, I can look back and say I've succeeded in just about everything I tried.

But one conspicuous failure has been in relationships.

However, I'm basically an optimist, so I keep trying to get it right.

I have a few mantras I use...

"If you do what you always did, you'll get what you always got."

"Stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result."

That means learning from past experiences and changing.

Over time I've come up with some Rules for Relationships.

They are:

Don't expect the other person to change. Either you love them the way they area, or you don't.

Never start a discussion with accusatory words like "You are.." Whatever you are feeling is what you are feeling, and it is not the result of what the other person said or did. State what you are feeloing as "I am feeling..."

People misinterpret a lot of things. Gently get a reality adjustment going.

Give them the benefit of the doubt. Doubt is one of the most corrosive things in a relationship.

Anger begets anger. Positivity begets positivity. Before you flash anger at someone, understand what you're going to get back.

Being "right" is not as important as being in love.

Just because you don't agree with siomeone, or they don't agree with you doesn't make one of you right and the other wrong...there's legitimate differences, and both are right.

Never try to impose your values on someone else. That is controlling.

Do you have Rules for Relationships?

Please share them.


Bessie Smith:
Well, once I lived the life of a millionaire,
Spent all my money, didn't have any cares.
Took my friends out for a a mighty fine time
Boot leg whiskey, champagne and wine

Then I began to fall so low,
Lost all my good friends had no place to go
If I get my hands on a dollar again
I'm gonna hold on to it until the old eagle grins

Nobody knows you when you're down and out
In your pocket not one penny
And as for friends, you ain't got any.

Soon as you get on your feet again,
Everybody wants to be your long-lost friend
I think it's strange, without any doubt
Nobody knows you when you're down and out

(What the fuck is this shit..?? *rolls eyes*)

6/27/2006 3:44 am

JUST BE FUCKING HONEST, we can work through any thing if your just HONEST.....AND LOYAL if you want to fuck around SAY SO, I'll let you go but you can NOT have your cake and eat it too...Ready


puntachueca replies on 6/27/2006 7:21 am:
I absolutely agree. Being honest with each other and being honest with each self. My ex wanted to fuck around...but God forbid if I even looked at another woman. Having been the cheatee, I just want to deal with one woman and that's it.

demonicsexkitten 43F
10689 posts
6/27/2006 8:38 am

i suppose "I'm always right" isn't a good rule to have? lol.

actually i discovered i'm always right if the other person argues with me. If they completely agree right up front... i'm wrong. So in an odd sort of way... it is a good rule. i think. maybe?? So long as, when everybody agrees with me, i stop... backtrack... and take a different direction. An ex (bf) told me before... "rather than arguing... just state your case, then shut up... let me argue, waste breath and energy until i back myself into a corner and have no choice but to admit you're right. stop upsetting yourself". i haven't figured out yet, however, how NOT to argue when i'm right, i know i'm right, i've got all the facts and proof... and yet the other person argues. Drives me stark raving nuts. However, there are a few men out there that have learned to push all the right buttons. And find it amusing to trick me into an argument. On the bright side... i can admit i'm wrong if the other person can better prove his/her case, and i verify their facts.

hmmm... i was told before that i'm too honest. that on one hand... he knows he'll never have to doubt me or be unsure of where i stand. but sometimes he's terrified to ask me questions... cuz my answers sometimes hurt. Do you think it's better to lie to spare somebody's feelings, or be honest and hurt them?? (i know: find the middle ground).

I guess i don't really have any relationship advice. Just something i really hope to live by someday. Never let the romance die. I realize life gets in the way, you become familiar, comfortable... laziness or forgetfulness sets in. It won't always be as easy as when you're first in love. It will at times require conscious and intentional thought and action. But always remember "this is the person i love". and do something about it. Slip a love-note into a lunch bag or briefcase. Or on the inside part of the car visor. Buy flowers for no reason. Call up, out of the blue, just to say "i love you". There are endless ideas and examples out there. for that matter... call up and talk "dirty" for no reason lol. My first job... the boss's husband had the day off work. So he called her in the middle of the afternoon and started talking dirty... she got all flustered, turned beet red... "i cant believe you're doing this!!!" and made him get off the phone. But i'm sure she felt loved and wanted... though if nothing else it made all of US happy. the "ohhhhhhh!!! it's so cute" factor. They'd been married 15 or so years, had a 12 year old son together... it was very good to see.

my grandpa's relationship advice was... "Remember your marriage vows". period. His other life advice was great though "Be good. and if you can't be good, be careful. And if you can't be careful, name it after me!"

puntachueca replies on 6/27/2006 6:06 pm:
The cowboys advice...always treat your wife like she's your bride.

Additional cowboys advice...there's only a few words and phrases you need to know to communicate with your wife. They are
"you're right"
"yes, dear"
"When do you want it done?"

catkit13 68F

6/27/2006 4:19 pm

my main rule: emotions can't be and aren't "right" or "wrong," they are emotions . . .
ok, wait, another main rule: no cheating! unless we've agreed to an "open" relationship (which i'll never do) we're gonna be in this together, good, bad and ugly

puntachueca replies on 6/27/2006 6:07 pm:
Agreed. I never understood how people could have more than one relationships going at a time...hard enough to do one.

BaronessK 53F

7/3/2006 1:35 am

Because of and in spite of....

puntachueca replies on 7/3/2006 7:24 am:
good rule...and I can see why you don't get angry. a really good place to live from....

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