puntachueca 106M
2534 posts
6/21/2006 10:11 pm

Last Read:
6/22/2006 2:44 pm



Price-Fixer Pharmaceutical Company announced today a new wonder DRUG would be made available to the nation's physicians within a week.

"The new DRUG was developed by Department Medical Fraud," said Randall Blat, president of Price-Fixer. "It will be marketed under the brand name Nostrum."

According to sources at the Price-Fixer, Nostrum is actually a placebo.

"The FDA requires all these studies on whether a new DRUG is safe and effective, using a sugar pill called a placebo as the alternative," said Dr. Albert Boguz, head of the Department of DRUG Promotion at the FDA.

"For example, when Claritin went through its clinical trials, 43 percent of the people taking the DRUG showed improvement, but 32 percent of the people taking the placebo also showed an improvement, showing the placebo was almost as effective as Claritin," said Boguz.

"We saw that information in the Sunday New York Times Magazine," Boguz added.

The scientists quickly searched the web, and found that hundreds of DRUGs that have been approved by the FDA had very little significant effectiveness over the placebo.

"They actually refer to the 'placebo effect' in the studies," said Boguz. "It seems the power of the mind over body is sufficient that if people believe they are going to get better, they actually do," Boguz added.

The Price-Fixer team quickly figured out they were sitting on a gold mine.

"The Price-Fixer people realized that since the placebo had been tested so many times, and actually worked, they had a new DRUG that could be put on the market instantly, and make a few billion dollars," said Boguz.

"Nostrum can be used for virtually every kind of ailment," said Mr. Blat, of Price-Fixer. "It is the most widely tested DRUG in America, and has been proven to work in at least 30% of the situations, which is more than many DRUGs can prove."

"And, the best part of Nostrum is that it has absolutely no side effects, unless you are diabetic, and costs virtually nothing to make, which means our profit margin is going to get really huge," he added.

FDA officials refused to comment on the announcement of Nostrum, but admitted privately that the placebo effect was proven to be real, and that there was nothing to stop Price-Fixer from marketing the placebo under a brand name. "Actually, we're surprised it took the DRUG industry so long to figure out that they could sell the people a completely worthless pill that people would believe in and heal themselves, and they could make oodles of money as a result of the combination of marketing and belief."

rm_kelli4u2dew 42F
5220 posts
6/21/2006 10:25 pm

LMAO!!! Do you mind if I send this to my parents (both doctors)? They'll love it!

puntachueca replies on 6/21/2006 10:31 pm:
Please do.

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