Mental Health Safety Insurance Plan Announced  

puntachueca 106M
2534 posts
6/21/2006 9:44 pm

Last Read:
6/22/2006 5:14 pm

Mental Health Safety Insurance Plan Announced

In the wake of increasing incidents of random violence against ordinary citizens by psychotics, the Cayman Island Insurance Company is proud to announce its Mental Health Safety Insurance Plan.

"The premise of our Mental Health Safety Insurance is that the United States state and federal governments are defaulting their responsibility to lock up loonies," said John Doe, President of Cayman Island Insurance. "Thus, the probability of being pushed off a subway platform into the path of an on-coming train, or being attacked by a knife-wielding psycho, is becoming serious."

Statistic show that there are over 200,000 seriously mental ill people roaming our streets, who have no place for treatment since mental hospitals have been closed and the "prisoners" have been freed.

"The de-institutionalization of the mentally ill has greatly increased the risk of injury or death to the average citizen," added Doe.

Purchasers of Cayman Island's new Mental Health Safety Plan will be assured that their risk of bodily harm would be significantly reduced.

"What we plan to do is invest about half the premium proceeds into building new private mental hospitals to lock up the crazies," said Doe. "If enough people buy our insurance, we could reverse the trend of budget-cutting in the mental health care field, and insure that every whacko gets treatment."

A quarter of the premiums would be set aside to pay traditional injury and death claims if one is attacked by a loony. The remainder of the premium would be pocketed by Cayman Island Insurance for "overhead".

Cayman Island Insurance proposes to construct a new mental health care facility called "Bum City" in central Nevada, to house the crazies that would be treated with proceeds from the Mental Health Safety Insurance.

"Bum City would look like the seedy part of any American city," said Doe. "We'd round up the schizos and dump them in Bum City, and they wouldn't know the difference." At least until they encountered the concertina wire perimeter.

"If our policy-holders quit paying their monthly premiums, we'd turn all the crazies loose," added Doe.

Mental Health professionals were guardedly anxious about the Mental Health Safety Insurance proposal. "It sort of works like a new tax, and anything is better than the system we have now," said Dr. Carl Young, head of the South Beach Psychiatric Hospital in Miami. "The real problem would be in protecting the civil rights of those referred to Bum City."

"I don't think there will be any problem in finding enough schizophrenics with huge case files involving violence for referral," said Doe. "Just send us everyone who is acquitted of a violent crime on the grounds of insanity."

Cayman Island Insurance is also offering special group rates for police and fire departments, school teachers, and politicians.

rm_kalanchoe88 55F

6/22/2006 12:31 am

The teacher's union could start offering this along with medical insurance. We could also send you referrals for future residents of Bum City. Any teacher can pick them out within days of school starting. This is great stuff!
(a teacher)

puntachueca replies on 6/22/2006 6:14 am:
Agreed. My daughter taught high school for a year and quit. She's convinced civilzation is about to collapse with the next generation coming out of our schools. Is it as tough where you are to motivate the kids and keep them from killing each other?

rm_kalanchoe88 55F

6/22/2006 8:27 am

Well, right now I work in a treatment center for kids who have been severely abused, or have emotional problems, so my kids are harder to motivate than in the public schools, yes. But, it's usually me they want to kill, not each other. They have a lot of anger towards adults. No one can blame them, after reading their files. I thought they made that stuff up for TV. Turns out it happens every day. Anyway, we try to teach them to trust again. We call it sucking them over to the dark side. (Most kids think adults are on the dark side) *smile*

puntachueca replies on 6/22/2006 2:48 pm:
You have a tough job. I honor and appreciate you for working on trying to do some good there. These kids have so much anger...towards what happened to them and anger against themselves because they feel it was their fault or they weren't worthy of decent care....this I know first hand.

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