It's a pitcher's duel...  

rm_ps54 56M
2 posts
6/13/2006 7:43 pm

Last Read:
6/14/2006 10:40 am

It's a pitcher's duel...

As the BoSox and the Twins battle it out in a pitcher's duel, it occurs to me that life is taking a slow, contemplative speed, and that obstacles are coming up to provide entertainment and challenge to otherwise vapid being.

Figured that recent g/f is looking for a better match, and more power to her. In the deadly "just friends" zone, with "affection" and "snuggling" being the priority over going the next step. She's cautious and we're not *that* committed, so figure that's par for the course. She doesn't like watching baseball, and that sould be a sign as I root for the home team. Odd thing is that we like and respect each others' feeling and right to be who we are. I know I cannot fill out Santa's wish list for anyone else, and that makes me wonder what I am doing here.

Looking at my self, I have begun re-reading Lao Tzu's Tao Te Ching, about detachment and "closing doors", especially as someone dear to me fights stage IV cancer, realizing that dating and all the frills and expectations don't hold a candle to what this person is going through. Seeking harmony with the Tao doesn't equate too well with an active sex life right now, but it sure beats cancer.

The sun shone this morning. And that was a good thing. Seeking healing energy...

Looking for the "right one"? I'm not sure... hoping the right one will find me, and that cosmically has such implications out of my control that it makes looking here make me quite the peurile jester, thinking that I can influence things that way.

Over forty, where many of the thirty-somethings often consider me too old, [and twenty-somethings see me as either ancient, or someone with a credit card for a webcam session] and I am thinking that being a monk is a real possibility. Lots of women friends, but at my age all are taken or into other life goals than a relationship. As for getting it on.... apparently that wanes with age... which is an unsettling thought. Erica Jong's are happy with their power tools, and these devices don't leave the seat up, complain, or have needs to be met...

Used to get a lot of attention from the ladies (bless 'em) but that seems to be a phase that is over for now.

Finding satisfaction in other things like meditation and taking joys in the simple pleasures of life. Seeing a loved one go through dying sure puts it all in perspective, in spades.

Powerless over life, death, and other people, I am happy that I can control the remote to the TV.

I spent time with a lot of women who have kids today, and it makes me wonder... about that all... one just whipped out the breast to feed an infant, and I was actually sort of honored that she felt comfortable enough around another male to use the mammaries for the purpose that they are best designed. Her daugher, only weeks old actually smiled at me... and I don't think it was indigestion. It's a whole other side of femininity that doesn't get much play in the media, like "sex" does, a sort of gentle gracefulness that is very peaceful.

How many of us are attracted to the grunion-mating ritual frenzy to find that it all ends up in a quiet calm of inner peace that we find ourselves after years in a relationship, if we are lucky and there is not a lot of conflict. The grunion choose one night stands over commitment. Sounds fishy... but that *is* Nature for fish.

"It makes me wonder..." - Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young ("Wooden Ships"), and also Led Zeppelin... ("Stairway")

I'm grateful to have friends that trust me like that, and ones that have the wisdom to know that one cannot change the world except for to try to build a small garden amidst the madding crowd.

Appreciate those in my network of friends that have trusted me with a little bit of themselves. I hope I do it justice.

Time to take a walk in the woods tomorrow.
Pulled a tick out of my ass a couple of days ago. Like a cosmic reminder that no one is invulnerable.

So the game still goes on, tied in the bottom of the ninth, and the intensity increases to a fevered pitch, as nothing seems to move, but everything is going on. and on. and on.

Tsing Tao.
"Patience." I think, watching the clock roll digits and the hands on the watch face change angles... Que sera' sera'.

...and Meatloaf's classic ballad about "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" just gets a little older... for Pepsi Light, or Miller Lite... depending.

As the top of the tenth approaches, it's 1-1, 2 outs for the home team, a runner on first, and perhaps that's the way it's always been. And grateful for my eyes. Yes, I can see.

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