News Reports You Won't See...  

pragmaticCTcpl 62M/51F
3614 posts
6/23/2006 3:15 pm

Last Read:
10/11/2007 6:06 am

News Reports You Won't See...

As some of you know...or might have surmised, by now...a large part of my career calls for me to drive around the state, checking on field projects.

Yesterday, I once again braved the gauntlet known as the "Nightmare-New London County-95-Corridor" without incident..! It was actually just a routine (but long) drive..!

Today, I first traveled from Hartford to Stamford...mostly on the Merritt Parkway Nightmare...and then swung back and north on that latest pain-in-the-testicles...Route 7, from Norwalk to Danbury...I came across an observation that you probably won't see on any of the nightly news reports.....

"CHANNEL 31 1/2 EXCLUSIVE..!!!!!"

"The city of Danbury almost lost one of their finest today.

While on construction-traffic assignment, on the Ridgefield/Danbury border of Route 7 this afternoon, Officer Donut Barstoolsniffer left his post to investigate why southbound traffic, emptying off of Interstate 84, was backing up.

When Officer Barstoolsniffer got closer to the head of the column of cars, he noticed the reason for the traffic stoppage.

There in the middle of the southbound lane of Route 7 was a large snapping turtle...a VERY large snapping turtle.

Conservative estimates by eyewitnesses at the scene, put the weight of the turtle in excess of 50 pounds, and it's dimensions somewhere between 3 and 4 feet long...2 1/2 feet wide...and the height of it's shell at over one foot high from the surface of the road. All of the eyewitnesses agree that the head on this reptilian behemoth was as large as a softball.

Officer Barstoolsniffer, professionally and quickly sizing up the situation, attempted to move the turtle from the path of the cars by first grabbing a large stick, about the length and diameter of a baseball bat, and then proceeded to prod the unwilling jaywalker out of the road.

After two or three pokes, by the officer with his big stick...the turtle astonished onlookers by quickly turning itself and extending it's long neck around to defend itself.

In the wink of an eye, the snapping turtle displayed how this species got it's name by biting completely through the stick.

Although Officer Barstoolsniffer was wearing his duty firearm, he did not withdraw it and use it to equalize this deadly force.

Instead, he quickly and quietly turned around and walked back to his cruiser.

Several eyewitnesses to the incident ventured that either Officer Barstoolsniffer had spilled some of his lunchtime liquid refreshment on his pants, or the unexpected and lightning-quick reaction to his poking the turtle with the stick...caused him to lose control of his bladder.

The turtle continued...very cross the road, and traffic was able to resume southbound on Route 7, once again."

**video footage close-up of the turtle crossing with Willie Nelson's "On The Road Again" playing in the background.**


MWWwantmore 52F

6/23/2006 4:19 pm

LMAO what a sight that must have been

I'll have a cafe, mocha, vodka, valium latte to go please!

Good girls go to heaven.....bad girls go down!!

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 6/25/2006 10:38 am:
It was, was..!

When I tell people I truly love my work, this is just one of the reasons..!

angelofmercy5 60F
17881 posts
6/23/2006 5:17 pm

That is just too funny! Are the pants stained permanently????

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 6/25/2006 10:41 am:
I can't speak of the stain on the crotch of his pants...but I'm willing to bet his "internal fortitude" is giving him cause to wonder..!

49AK 56M
1823 posts
6/23/2006 5:47 pm

Ever notice how the slowest animals have the most formidible weapons? Porcupines have their quills, snapping turtles have their snappers?

For your information, this slow animal has a quick wit...

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 6/25/2006 10:51 am:
I learned about the snapping turtle's abilities at age 9...and always questioned educators when they expounded that all reptiles have "slow-reacting nervous systems."

Last year, while vacationing in Central Florida, I was being a "good guy," and moved a very large bog turtle out of the roadway, where we were staying, so we wouldn't have to look at "roadkill" for the rest of our two weeks there. It's unbelievable how fast and how far those heads and necks can whip around to try and defend themselves. Fortunately for me...and the turtle...I was able to position my hands and arms so as to not become a few pounds lighter...and liberate it into a roadside pond.

docdirk 49M

6/23/2006 10:04 pm

I think that was just a symbol of the speed of highway improvements in this freakin state!!!

Ah, Its you again, Your Angel Feathers and your Blood Stains...

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 6/25/2006 11:03 am:
I'm all for moving to Florida where they can create 50 miles of 4-lane highway in 60 days..! Of course, they only work at night, because of the heat during the day, and they NEVER have to worry about potholes in February and March due to the rain, melting snow, and frost heaves...but then again, if their electric rates have gotten as crazy as ours.....oh's always something..!


6/23/2006 10:17 pm

ODB blushes

just a squirrel trying to get a nut

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 6/25/2006 11:05 am:
Or was it a case of ODB......flushes..?

rm_1SweetBitch 56F
8575 posts
6/24/2006 8:37 am

lmao...gotta love the officers name...dirty old man lol.

No Day Is So Bad It Can't Be Fixed With Great Sex!

1 SweetBitch

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 6/25/2006 11:06 am:
Just one of those "appropriate" names that fit the appearance..!

imLadyBambi 59M/51F

6/24/2006 9:18 am


Too Funny!!LMAO,

Lady B.

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 6/25/2006 11:07 am:
Thanks, Lady Bambi..!

rm_jd29992z 55M
3888 posts
6/24/2006 7:41 pm

Our finest in blue in ation later JD

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 6/25/2006 11:10 am:
Makes me sleep better at night knowing there's effective and courageous law enforcement out there to protect us all..! /

absolutelynormal 57F
6563 posts
6/28/2006 3:05 pm

A guy I work with caught one that weighed 90 lbs. He had pictures of him in the back of his pickup truck, they took him to be wighed and then released him back into the lake.

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 6/28/2006 6:45 pm:
Biggest one I ever personally saw was one we caught many moons ago when I was a lifeguard for the state. It weighed exactly 52 pounds...and the three of us that caught it split exactly $52.00 that a chef from a restaurant paid us for it. Back then (many, many moons ago), a dollar-a-pound for anything, was considered to be ridiculous...but then again, it was a chef for a "gourmet" restaurant..! I'm sure he got it all back...and more..!

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