Extra...Extra...Read All About It !!  

pragmaticCTcpl 62M/51F
3614 posts
4/24/2006 8:54 am

Last Read:
4/25/2006 2:13 pm

Extra...Extra...Read All About It !!

What is it with guys and toilets? It seems as if every guy I have ever known, has to read on the toilet. "SHIT!" Pardon the expression, but what gives?

I read. I love to read. I read magazines, books, newspapers and let's not forget the blogs. However, my ideal choice of surroundings isn't in "The Can." I prefer, a recliner, a cozy chair, the couch, the bed, or at the very least, at a table.

Is there some hidden benefits that we women are unaware of? Does this replace fiber in our diets, as we get older? Is it due to a multi-task ambition? Is there some unknown organization or book club that all men belong to? "The brother hood of C.R.A.P." = "Cummers Read Awaiting Poop"

I will NOT even, get into all the methods they have created on wiping their asses! This is just one more thing that seems to be a common link amongst all guys. My husband, complains about the amount of toilet paper that I use. He has tired to share his "manly wisdom" on toilet paper and convert me. I ain't having none of it!! "You wipe your way...I'll wipe mine." What the Hell? Is this a secret organization funded by "Charmin?"

Then, there is the announcement prior to the bowel movement...ATTENTION K-MART SHOPPERS..."I'm going to take a dump!!" Is this all necessary? Is there a hidden point system in announcing your bowel movements? Tell 1 person, 5 pts. Tell 2-6 people, 15 pts. Tell a packed house, (minimum of 10 people), 25 pts. I wonder......how would my husband feel, if I announced every time I went to change my tampon? "I'm going to change the plug!" Would I get a "high five?"

Last night, after informing me that he hasn't had a bowel movement for several days...he eagerly announces..."I have to take a dump." He then, asked me for the Sunday paper. I handed him a newspaper from the living room. He looked at it and said, "This is an old newspaper!!" My reply, "Yeah, so is your shit. Who cares?"

Am I crazy? Can you relate?

firestarter665 43M/40F

4/24/2006 9:19 am

All I have to say is

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 4/25/2006 1:50 pm:
I'm laughing with you, sister!!!


4/24/2006 9:46 am

Roflmao...I'm with you, NO NEWS is GOOD NEWS!!!

just a squirrel trying to get a nut

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 4/25/2006 1:51 pm:
News that truly informs, would be nice!

49AK 56M
1823 posts
4/24/2006 1:16 pm

Busy people make productive use of their time.

My mother used to call the bathroom "The Liberry"

As for announcing it, there is a practical and magnanimous consideration... I live in a place with one bathroom, and announcing that you'll be using the bathroom for a while (and the resulting dead zone) gives your partner an opportunity to jump in ahead of you, rather than wait.

On a related topic... I was recently in a B&B where the flusing handle was behind the seat when the seat was up... so there was no way to leave the seat up unless you didn't flush... Who says there aren't women engineers out there??

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 4/25/2006 1:53 pm:
Yeah....my husband is a very considerate man. Sometimes too considerate! LOL

NSAAddict 43F

4/24/2006 1:19 pm

LMAO!!!! Thanks for yet another reason why I LOVE being single, keep 'em coming

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 4/25/2006 1:56 pm:
Thanks NSA. Oh, I have a million of them!!! Laughs that is...not reasons to be single.

hornyhomer53 64M

4/24/2006 1:20 pm

In my house it's my wife that reads in the can. She keeps her reading material in the cabinet under the sink. Thank goodness we now have two bathrooms.

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 4/25/2006 1:58 pm:
And what do you keep under your sink? You may be on to something! His and her bathrooms....I'm liking it!!!

angelofmercy5 60F
17881 posts
4/24/2006 2:00 pm

Oh you guys! This post made me laugh so hard! When I was a newlywed and we lived in Italy....my husband kept his reading material in the bidet! If I had a bidet now, I would use it. lol

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 4/25/2006 2:01 pm:
I am so happy that we can make you smile and laugh. You are such a lovely person. You'd keep them in the bidet to read? Hmmmm.{=}

mycin62 55F

4/24/2006 3:33 pm

LOL, oh yeah, I can relate!

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 4/25/2006 2:01 pm:
I knew you could Cin.

rm_KirkVW44m 56M
688 posts
4/24/2006 4:23 pm

I can relate and this is funny but truth is most of us need some serious fiber intake in omur system.. Actually setting there for 20 minutes or more is physically unhealthy for anybody.. If your on a high fiber diet well its hit and run as you make a sprint to the restroom when you have to go and there is no time to get past the headlines on the front page let alone read the whole damn paper. But yeah i got a doctorate of shitology myself over the years in my Sanctuary of Dumpage lol.

I really enjoy your blog and your humorous outlook on things!


pragmaticCTcpl replies on 4/25/2006 2:04 pm:
What a shitty practice to go into. HE-HE-HE!! Thank you for your very kinds words. What makes us so funny is that everything is true!

docdirk 49M

4/24/2006 7:53 pm

I have a stack of books and magazines bigger than my school library on the back of my throne! It is a semi-religious experience. One that, if we're lucky, we get to enjoy every day. It's a moving experience, literally. Back when I had roomies, we used to rate our dumps after we'd finish on a 1 - 10 scale. And, when you share your house with others, be it family or friends, the bathroom may be the only silent refuge you can get all day. It provides the perfect escape for reading. It's like the body's very own box of cracker jack. Each movement is like receiving the toy prize. Some suck, some are great. You never know.

Hope Mr Prag's schedule becomes more, um, regular soon!!!

Ah, Its you again, Your Angel Feathers and your Blood Stains...

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 4/25/2006 2:10 pm:
Hey doc....a box of Cracker Jacks definitely smells BETTER!!! Plus, it has that cute little sailor on the box.

p.s. - Mr. Prag is too regular.

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