Emergency Room Visit  

pragmaticCTcpl 62M/51F
3614 posts
5/8/2006 3:49 pm

Last Read:
5/10/2006 11:45 am

Emergency Room Visit

The following blog, in no way, is an attempt to poke fun at human suffering.

Okay...so after my lovely wife had been rubbing against everything in the house for the past two days because of her poison ivy rash...acting like a Grizzly Bear that had just emerged from a winter's hibernation...and not getting anything but old-wives-tales medical advice from our Internist...I cut the day short...came home...and off to the Emergency Room we go.

We've both been there before...in fact, we went to the exact same one last year when my wife had her first annual poison ivy rash.

We get there...park the car...walk in...and after she gives her name to the blue blazer-wearing Security guy...we find a couple of seats, and sit down.

Sometimes...when we're out someplace...especially if we're waiting for a long time...I'll start to people watch.

Over the course of the next two hours...until we actually got into the Emergency Department...I delivered a running commentary on everyone that came and went, in and out of the waiting area.....let's just call it my ER waiting room goof..!

My commentary was delivered to an audience of one...my wife...who sat there biting her lips...scrunching up her face...and looking like she was about to explode...from not laughing out loud, from my whispered comments about the people that we saw coming and going. The poor woman was in tears, half the time...and not from her poison ivy rash.

The blue blazer-wearing Security guy was first on my "hit" list. He would occasionally get up from his little cubby-hole...walk out into the hallway between the triage area...registration cubicles...and, where we were sitting.

"When this guy goes out to a club on the weekends...he tells all the chicks that he works in a hospital."

In walks a Jane Curtin look-a-like. She's wearing a sweatshirt, zip-up jacket, unzipped...a long t-shirt...and hopefully she had on a pair of shorts, under the long t-shirt. She's also wearing blue-blocker sunglasses, although the fluorescent lighting in there wasn't exactly blinding. She's walking slightly bent over, forwards...mouth slightly open...shuffling her flip-flop covered feet as she walks slowly...back and forth, while she waits to be seen.

"I haven't had a bowel movement in 9 days..!"

Another blue blazer-wearing Security guy appears (probably just back from lunch). He's got one aluminum-frame crutch in his hand. He goes over to a young man with a cast on one foot, who is sitting in the waiting area...takes the crutch he has and holds it up next to the crutch the young man already had. The difference in height is about a foot.

"Oh, it's not too bad...just make believe you're Quasimodo when you walk and it'll be fine."

Quickly entering from the main part of the hospital, comes Mr. Plug-In. He looks like the typical bean-counter, office-worker, type.

"Excuse me...excuse me...I'm the guy who plugs things in, here in the hospital...and I have to get in there to plug something in..!"

From outside, a mother and her teen-age son come into the area. The boy is about 15 years old...very tall and thin...wearing an oversized basketball shirt and sweatpants that are probably size XXXL.

"I want a doctor to look at my boy....look at him...his head is too small..!"

Ahhh...here comes ANOTHER blue blazer-wearing Security guy...that makes three..! He looks like he's about 14 years old...has a peach-fuzz moustache...and very baggy pants. He probably needs a size 34, regular jacket...and is wearing one that looks like it's size 52, long.

"Look guys...they gave me my OWN blue blazer. Big Lou retired and they gave me his..!"

Moving down the corridor, at a very deliberate pace, comes a woman in scrubs, who is about 6' 2"...weighs about 300 pounds...and would blend in well, in a north wood's lumberjack camp.

"Get out of my way.....I'm MAN-WOMAN..!!!!!!"

The Jane Curtin look-a-like walks by again....."Please...just stick a broom handle up my ass so I can shit..."

Mr. Plug-In hurries out from the ER door on his way to another part of the hospital. "I have to plug in another device...excuse me...excuse me...!"

Every now and then, an EMT, potential patient, or a visitor who got lost from the main part of the hospital, would walk through.

"Oh look, Honey....another guy with a shaved head..!!!!"

Into the main ER door walks a couple in their mid-60's. He's very tan, tall, and wearing a pair of shorts that are too short, and a zip-up sweatshirt jacket. Shes tan...is wearing an almost identical outfit to his, but has her zip-up sweatshirt jacket unzipped to reveal her cleavage.

"Don't they have an ad on A.F.F. .... 60's-Swingers..?"

Occasionally, a woman from the registration office will come out into the hall...call someone's name...and walk around until she has a "live-one" to send over to the registration cubicles. She's wearing a yellow pull-over sweater, and a pair of sweatpants that are pulled up to the bottom of her boobs. By pulling the sweatpants up that far, she has exposed too much of her ankles, which are as thin as pencils.

"Want to get Kentucky Fried Chicken take-out tonight?"

Another bald-headed guy, about 65, comes into the area. He wanders around for a minute or two...while his wife is giving his name to the blue blazer-wearing Security guy. She tells him to sit and wait, while she goes out and gets his wallet in the car, and he takes one look at my wife, and sits down next to her.

"Heh...heh...heh...! I'm gonna sit here and play touchy-feely with this hot woman with the big rack, before that old bat-of-a-wife-of-mine comes back..!"

When his wife does finally come back in and sits down next to him...they talk quietly for a minute...she gets up...goes over to the blue blazer-wearing Security guy...and they both come back, with a wheelchair.

"Are you feeling dizzy, sir?" The blue blazer-wearing Security guy asks.

The bald-headed guy weakly shakes his head...gets up...sits in the wheel-chair...and the three of them disappear through the ER door.

"...*wheeze*...*wheeze*... Did you see the size of those titties, Martha..???"

Finally, my wife's name is called...we go over to the registration cubicles...go through the Q & A session, and are told to go back out and take a seat.

We no sooner sit back down, when a very short nurse comes around the corner...papers in hand...calls my wife's name...and says. "follow me."

"Follow the Yellow-Brick Road.....follow the Yellow-Brick Road....!"

We're led to the exact same ER examining room that she was in last year...the PA comes in...talks to my wife...my wife lifts up her shirt, moves her bra upwards, and shows the PA the poison ivy rash on her boobs...nipple...stomach...and left side.

The PA bends down to look closely at my wife...tells her she's going to prescribe the same steroid treatment again...and leaves.

"My GOD...!!!!! I think I'm bisexual...! If it hadn't been for the rash on her nipple, I would've popped that sucker right into my watering mouth..!"

This was the only time my wife told me to "shushhhh" and hit me hard on my arm....as she started to laugh out loud ... uncontrollably.

funontheside4you 42M/39F

5/8/2006 4:11 pm

Very funny. Loved it.

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 5/9/2006 4:40 pm:
Thank you...and thanks for stopping by to read it..!

sexyariesgirl 59F

5/8/2006 4:45 pm

I'm a people watcher too..and I love this post! lol

Power To FOK

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 5/9/2006 4:43 pm:
Thanks...I love to put those imaginary word ballons in people I see walking by..!

firestarter665 44M/40F

5/8/2006 4:47 pm

At least you made the situation into something amusing! I do hope she is feeling better.

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 5/9/2006 4:44 pm:
I do too...although with the steroids...I am a little worried about the side-effects.

MWWwantsmore 52F

5/8/2006 4:50 pm

LOL at least you kept her amused during the wait. ER waiting can be long!

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 5/9/2006 4:46 pm:
This wasn't too bad, this time...but then again...it would have given me MUCH more blog material..!!!!

Spiritswilling 64M

5/8/2006 4:53 pm

ROTFLMAO. This is great. Im gonna have to try this next time I have to take my wife to the ER. Hope your wife has recovered

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 5/9/2006 4:47 pm:
It definitely helps to pass the time..! Thanks.

imLadyBambi 59M/51F

5/8/2006 8:58 pm

Mr. Bambi here...

Just thought I'd let Lady Bambi's blogging buddies know that she is in the hospital (pneumonia). Don’t worry about her, the hospitalization was because the doctors felt that a more aggressive course of treatment (IV antibiotics vs. oral medication) is needed at this juncture ‒ her life is not in danger. For the time being I’ll post the blogs that she has already written on a daily basis (until they run out).

As for responding to your blogs (being polite and reciprocating), here’s the problem:

My father just passed away. Lady Bambi is in the hospital, our new car (the Bambi-mobile) was just sideswiped while parked and no one left a note, there was a foiled burglary at one of our houses last night, I’m headed off to Seattle within the week for the funeral, and… I hope you understand.

“Mr. Bambi”

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 5/9/2006 4:49 pm:
Our love to both of you during your time of distress. {=}

mangomamiCT 43F

5/8/2006 9:40 pm

Awwww how could you not love the guy Mrs Prag !!!!!

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 5/9/2006 4:50 pm:
I do mango....I DO love the guy...! But if he gives me poison ivy again....he's fuckin' DEAD..!!!!!!

tillerbabe 57F

5/9/2006 12:57 am

OMG!!!! YOu should be a Firefighter..this is what we do!!!! LMAO!!!

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 5/9/2006 4:53 pm:
Is it true that their hoses are longer and will go into any kind of hot situation..??????

mycin62 56F

5/9/2006 5:44 pm

ROFLMAO!!! Welcome to MY world!!

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 5/10/2006 11:45 am:
Except we were there during the early afternoon...not in the middle of the night when all the zombies are out..!

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